14 and 16yo with no close friends or activities - please help

[Anonymous]

It seems so different than when I was a kid. Like others have said, we just went outside and found stuff to do - not drugs, just stuff.

I spend my day saying "find something to do."

My son is 13 and is in the same boat, he has trouble keeping friends who aren't tied to their video games. Real life friends are few and far between. We took away the xbox for a variety of reasons this summer but hoping it will spur him to do stuff. We are sending him to a bunch of different camps and hoping that he finds something he enjoys.

Our general rule is that I will buy books, crafts or activities that enrich the mind. He has freedom to ride his bike around the neighborhood and park if he has his phone with him. He can earn money doing chores. He has to play one team sport.

We don't turn down play dates or parties.

No more than an hour of sitting on the couch watching TV during the day. He doesn't have access to youtube or the internet.

It is still so hard to motivate him to do want to do stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm not the original poster who suggested that the kids go out and find friends to play with. I commented and agreed with it, and I'm kind of shocked at the comments against it. Yes, I understand that the 16 year matmy be a bit old for that, but the 14 year old isn't. Even still no one is suggested that they be treated or act like their 3, but the suggestion that they go outside with friends and get fresh air. They ought to be to find something fun to do without getting into any trouble.

You clearly don't have teens this age.

No I don't , but I was a teen and I know what I was like and what I did. I wasn't a very busy teen and had plenty of time to hang out with my friends. My parents never had to nag or force me to go outside or leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm not the original poster who suggested that the kids go out and find friends to play with. I commented and agreed with it, and I'm kind of shocked at the comments against it. Yes, I understand that the 16 year matmy be a bit old for that, but the 14 year old isn't. Even still no one is suggested that they be treated or act like their 3, but the suggestion that they go outside with friends and get fresh air. They ought to be to find something fun to do without getting into any trouble.

You clearly don't have teens this age.

No I don't , but I was a teen and I know what I was like and what I did. I wasn't a very busy teen and had plenty of time to hang out with my friends. My parents never had to nag or force me to go outside or leave the house.

This was before the internet and cell phones.

[Anonymous]

I realize that. I guess that's why I wouldn't go there with cell phones and other tech with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that. I guess that's why I wouldn't go there with cell phones and other tech with my kids.

They won't have any friends so this whole post will be a moot point for them.

[Anonymous]

They will if they learn to make friends without all the tech

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

I live in a condo in Dupont. I’m supposed to tell him to go wander the streets for hours on end? Not everyone’s a suburban hausfrau, Susan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm not the original poster who suggested that the kids go out and find friends to play with. I commented and agreed with it, and I'm kind of shocked at the comments against it. Yes, I understand that the 16 year matmy be a bit old for that, but the 14 year old isn't. Even still no one is suggested that they be treated or act like their 3, but the suggestion that they go outside with friends and get fresh air. They ought to be to find something fun to do without getting into any trouble.

You clearly don't have teens this age.

No I don't , but I was a teen and I know what I was like and what I did. I wasn't a very busy teen and had plenty of time to hang out with my friends. My parents never had to nag or force me to go outside or leave the house.

NP. Key point, you already had friends to meet up with. OP says her teens do not have close friends -- they aren't going to find them by wandering out by themselves without having made plans with people. You all seem to be thinking of ages where they just go to the playground and some strange kid runs up to to them and asks them to play and voila, instant friend. They are 14 and 16, not 4 and 6. This wouldn't have worked when I was a teen (pre-internet and cell phones), it won't work for a teen now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that. I guess that's why I wouldn't go there with cell phones and other tech with my kids.

Just save us all from your musings about what you will do in 10 years. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

Completely agree! I'm so glad someone else said it.

16 year olds don't go out to a park to find friends to play with.

The pp who wrote that much be 70+
No teen goes out for 4 hours a day and finds local friends, unless they find the local weed dealer.

OP, in the DC metro, parents sign their tweens and teens up for day camps, where they can meet fellow tweens and teens with similar interests. That's where all their classmates are right now, if they aren't away on vacation. That's where they will meet friends. Can be anything: sports camps, programming and computer camps, theater camps, etc...

I think all the posters under 65 are either outside today or on vacation.

I was thinking these posters have little kids and are reflecting on their own youth ~30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that. I guess that's why I wouldn't go there with cell phones and other tech with my kids.

You are not getting your 16 year old a cell phone? Uh. . . let us know how it really goes once you actually get there.

[Anonymous]

Didn't say my 16 year old wouldn't get a phone. But, there not getting social media. People qct like thats the only kids can socialize now.

[Anonymous]

Kids this age, even neurotypical kids, have poor executive function skills. They need help to research options, make choices, and be held accountable for following through. Teens don’t make structure for themselves unless they have an interest they are pursuing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't say my 16 year old wouldn't get a phone. But, there not getting social media. People qct like thats the only kids can socialize now.

How are you going to police that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

Completely agree! I'm so glad someone else said it.

16 year olds don't go out to a park to find friends to play with.

Seriously. Completely unhelpful suggestion.

Especially when it is 93 degrees out with 70% humidity.