14 and 16yo with no close friends or activities - please help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

Completely agree! I'm so glad someone else said it.

16 year olds don't go out to a park to find friends to play with.

Seriously. Completely unhelpful suggestion.

+100. I have a 16 year old, it does not work like that.

[Anonymous]

Totally unacceptable in our house. Here, when you turn 14 you get a job. Also, at all ages, my kids must be doing something for their minds and something for their bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

Completely agree! I'm so glad someone else said it.

16 year olds don't go out to a park to find friends to play with.

They go to parks to smoke weed (or vape).

[Anonymous]

Why do you assume all of them do? Do some, sure, but not all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally unacceptable in our house. Here, when you turn 14 you get a job. Also, at all ages, my kids must be doing something for their minds and something for their bodies.

No more fun after 14? That sucks.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. That must be really hard. My oldest has always been shy but they got a job this summer at our pool and they have made a bunch of new friends. I would see if they could find a job where there are other young people. It’s been great for my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally unacceptable in our house. Here, when you turn 14 you get a job. Also, at all ages, my kids must be doing something for their minds and something for their bodies.

No more fun after 14? That sucks.

You don't think it's fun for a 14 yr old to work at a camp with other kids their age? Or earn their own money? That sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally unacceptable in our house. Here, when you turn 14 you get a job. Also, at all ages, my kids must be doing something for their minds and something for their bodies.

No more fun after 14? That sucks.

You don't think it's fun for a 14 yr old to work at a camp with other kids their age? Or earn their own money? That sucks.

Where do 14 year olds get jobs? Seasonal employment has not been easy to find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

Completely agree! I'm so glad someone else said it.

16 year olds don't go out to a park to find friends to play with.

The pp who wrote that much be 70+
No teen goes out for 4 hours a day and finds local friends, unless they find the local weed dealer.

OP, in the DC metro, parents sign their tweens and teens up for day camps, where they can meet fellow tweens and teens with similar interests. That's where all their classmates are right now, if they aren't away on vacation. That's where they will meet friends. Can be anything: sports camps, programming and computer camps, theater camps, etc...

I think all the posters under 65 are either outside today or on vacation.

[Anonymous]

OP, you still have to pay for their activities and actually drive them to their activities. If you aren't doing that, and are at work, what the heck are they supposed to do?

Sign them up for some camps in their interest areas or have them help you pick some interest areas. It may be too late this year, but there may be some classes through your local city or county. You will have to drive them to work if they find a job, most kids don't drive here at age 16. A local country club near me is advertising, for example.

They could volunteer, but you also need to drive them to that too. When I was their age, my mom arranged for me to volunteer near her workplace, so she could drop me off and then go to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally unacceptable in our house. Here, when you turn 14 you get a job. Also, at all ages, my kids must be doing something for their minds and something for their bodies.

No more fun after 14? That sucks.

You don't think it's fun for a 14 yr old to work at a camp with other kids their age? Or earn their own money? That sucks.

Maybe that job would be fun. But, generally, no working isn't fun.

[Anonymous]

Urban areas are very different than suburban. As a kid, I did just hang out with girls in the neighborhood. We went to the same schools, often did the same activities, etc. In the summer we went to the neighborhood pool, watched bad tv, and would spend all day chatting. This is also the case for tweens and teens in my current suburban neighborhood.

In more urban areas, parents have to be much more involved in scheduling activities and driving their kids to meet up with friends. I suggest signing them up for activities with a strong community vibe (sports league, dance center etc) and making yourself available to drive them to coffee dates with friends etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally unacceptable in our house. Here, when you turn 14 you get a job. Also, at all ages, my kids must be doing something for their minds and something for their bodies.

No more fun after 14? That sucks.

You don't think it's fun for a 14 yr old to work at a camp with other kids their age? Or earn their own money? That sucks.

Maybe that job would be fun. But, generally, no working isn't fun.

I got my first “real” job at a coffee shop when I was 16. No, the work wasn’t particularly fun, but it does foster a feeling of independence and I made some great friends there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally unacceptable in our house. Here, when you turn 14 you get a job. Also, at all ages, my kids must be doing something for their minds and something for their bodies.

No more fun after 14? That sucks.

You don't think it's fun for a 14 yr old to work at a camp with other kids their age? Or earn their own money? That sucks.

Where do 14 year olds get jobs? Seasonal employment has not been easy to find.

It is for age 16 and up1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be too late for this year but look at REc-PAC at the schools or the parks authority in your area as they all hire 14-16 yr old for CIT type postings as my neighbor’s dd has been doing a while.

If religious, all the churches have VBS and look for teen helpers (7 th grade up.) May not be too late for this.

Pet rescues need teens/families for few hours on weekends to play and walk at the adoptions.

Neighborhood pool. Can lifeguard at 15 so they could spend the fall/winter getting certified.

Every single activity known to man is in the DMV!

For friends, it is the hard one as has to come from them. One of ours had/ has a big group of friends but is selective how much time he spends as needs a lot of down time. He also swims, works, and has a specific hobby.

Our other had friends through neighborhood and scouts but never latched on to anyone thing or group. Still like that in college. Had/has just enough to make him feel included, and now a girlfriend.

I am older mom so I am sure my view is rose-colored of days of yore but the smartphones, technology has made it worse/ more convenient/ or bad from wherever you stand on the issue.

I’ve discussed this with friends whose kids are the star athletes, popular, etc. and they often say they are home all the time alone ( exaggerating a bit.) But what we all see is that you don’t have to go any where to “see” your friends. They lay on the bed or sofa and chat, FaceTime, text. Someone suggests an activity and most say no. It’s like they do not want to make the effort to get up, put on shoes, drive somewhere!

We had to go out if we wanted to see friends so you’d go for a walk, meet at McDonald’s. I was a good kid but I am sure many were not meeting so innocently but the point is you had to get out and at least move your body and engage with a human. Smile at friend, make eye contact with cashier or other parent.

Different world for sure but we know there are multiple studies saying how isolated we are all becoming and if teens are the bell weather it is going to get worse.

Last point, you obviously care and want them to have friends but recognize you can’t make them for them. I’d keep lightly suggesting new things to try or engage with so at least they have the opportunity of meeting someone with similar interests to open them up.

Our last is off to college in Fall. The years you are in are really hard ( aren’t they all.) Wishing you the best!

NP.
PP, have to tell you what a kind and useful post this is compared to some of the others. I hope OP takes it to heart.

So sweet of you to say. Thank you!