14 and 16yo with no close friends or activities - please help

[Anonymous]

Look I didn't say it was a perfect plan or that I have all the answers. I just want kids to be as long as they can and enjoy it. I don't want them rush out of their childhoods. I understand the 16 year old in this situation is a bit old, but not the 14 year old. Young teens are still kids to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

Completely agree! I'm so glad someone else said it.

If a kid that age walked up to a group of strangers and says "want to play," what are you imagining will happen? I promise you it won't end up in a pleasant game of catch. This generation has been raised on stranger danger. They do not just go out and meet random people. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - here.
Thanks for all the suggestions. I passed them on to kids. They are both fully vaccinated and have supposedly looked into local jobs at ice cream store, bakery, fast food (16 yo did - 14 yo said he is too young) - but apparently didn't get the job. They feel they are too old for camp but don't want to be counselors (and those positions are filled already anyway according to them. They don't have enough swim skills to be lifeguards. They are open to volunteer jobs, but already have done Wider Circle and Food pantry-type volunteering through school & church. Is there some organization that they can apply to that will match them up with volunteer openings? I would like them to leave the house. They already did the make items at home, assemble kits & drop off volunteering - but I really think they need an in-person role with social interaction. They literally have not left the house it seems like in 1.5 years as they were totally online for school beginning March 2020. They are not doing summer school as they did reasonably well & wanted a break from online school! But they are really becoming hermits. I'm afraid I'll come home from work tomorrow, and they would not have left the house again.

I mean, if a job is not happening, food banks almost always need volunteers (age appropriate), as do parks and nature centers. Try libraries too. Are they trying to runout the clock on you? That is, trying to tell you that's it's too late, everything is filled? No way that can be the case. Have to find something and get the heck out of the house for at least a few hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Their aren't any neighborhood activities they could do?

Sports, volunteering, boardgame clubs, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

Completely agree! I'm so glad someone else said it.

16 year olds don't go out to a park to find friends to play with.

This. The advice seems to be from the 1970s geared toward 9 year olds.

LMAO!

[Anonymous]

For kids 12 and under, going outside to ride bikes or play might result in some neighborhood friends.
By age 13, it didn't, not even 30 years ago.

Not sure how old these people are saying to push a 14 and 16 year old outdoors to "go play." Most kids their age are volunteering, working, going to camps, playing sports, or in some sort of tutoring program. They aren't "playing" out on the swing sets. Most of this will involve mom and dad taking them, or arranging rides.

[Anonymous]

Again, it depends. Kids in my neighborhood still played out like that throughout middle school. The summer before high is when we sort of said goodbye to childhood. I was 14 through half of 8th grade and that summer. Maybe some kids don't do this? But, it seemed more common then

[Anonymous]

Not sure why you or anyone would be against this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm not the original poster who suggested that the kids go out and find friends to play with. I commented and agreed with it, and I'm kind of shocked at the comments against it. Yes, I understand that the 16 year matmy be a bit old for that, but the 14 year old isn't. Even still no one is suggested that they be treated or act like their 3, but the suggestion that they go outside with friends and get fresh air. They ought to be to find something fun to do without getting into any trouble.

You clearly don't have teens this age.

No I don't , but I was a teen and I know what I was like and what I did. I wasn't a very busy teen and had plenty of time to hang out with my friends. My parents never had to nag or force me to go outside or leave the house.

Key point: you had friends. When you have friends, you have things to do and things to get you out of the house. OP's kids don't have those friends outside of school. OP, my kids are exactly the same. They've struggled socially since their elementary school split going into middle school. They are now 16 and 14. It is not as easy as it was when we were kids. And becoming increasingly isolated over the last several years, they have not continued to develop their social skills. So I think the lack of interest in any activities is at least partially anxiety about not knowing anybody, on top of being "forced" to do something they're not interested in doing.

Wish we could get our 4 teens together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last summer, my kids did not socialize or do anything - of course, I felt bad but was busy working as was DH in the healthcare setting. This summer though again they have zero plans - but they are both fully vaccinated. They are OK students and say they have friends at school but don't like to socialize outside of school. They do whatever volunteer work is assigned through school or our church but nothing more. They are responsible and kind and don't cause any trouble, but they don't seem to have any motivation. The older one is apprehensive about driving and is taking driving classes but that's it. I feel they could and should do more. Any ideas about concrete steps to take to get a job or volunteer work?

Jobs. Plenty of them around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open the front door and say go out. See you in four hours. They will find friends in the neighborhood. My mother never found me a friend. The neighborhood was full of kids and they played outside. I know today’s hermit generation is reluctant to venture outside. Half of it has been caused by helicopter parents who monitor the kids every movement and activity.

At 16 and 14? ROFL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm not the original poster who suggested that the kids go out and find friends to play with. I commented and agreed with it, and I'm kind of shocked at the comments against it. Yes, I understand that the 16 year matmy be a bit old for that, but the 14 year old isn't. Even still no one is suggested that they be treated or act like their 3, but the suggestion that they go outside with friends and get fresh air. They ought to be to find something fun to do without getting into any trouble.

You clearly don't have teens this age.

No I don't , but I was a teen and I know what I was like and what I did. I wasn't a very busy teen and had plenty of time to hang out with my friends. My parents never had to nag or force me to go outside or leave the house.

I'm betting you were a teen prior to 1990 (or else the very early 90s).

[Anonymous]

Nope I turned 13 early 97. My sister a teen in the early 90s and she was the same as I was.

[Anonymous]

15y old - We set the expectation in March/April that he could find an activity (camp/sport/volunteer/work) or we would find one for him. He looked, couldn't find anything he wanted to do and so I somewhat decided he was going to lifeguard (could walk to the neighborhood pool/good money/good hours/good swimmer.) I did the leg work of finding the class/registering him. He has been responsible from there on out coordinating his schedule/being at work/etc. And he actually really likes it - it gives him something to do, pays decently, and he has made friends.

Waiting till mid July to decide your kid(s) need to do something doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you and your husband have close friends and are you active with hobbies or personal interests? I'm wondering about the dynamic in your household, and what you and your spouse have modeled over the years.