Would You Date Someone Who Used To Be Overweight?

[Anonymous]

OP, your story is yours to tell when and if you want to tell it. If I were you, I probably wouldn't disclose my full health journey to a partner unless we were in a committed relationship. I would probably just say, "I realized I wasn't feeling my best eating junk food and not exercising so I decided to try eating better and exercising regularly, and now I love it!"

It's not right, but I have heard one thing men fear most when they marry is that their wife will gain a substantial amount of weight. Is that right? No. Are men idiots? Oftentimes. There is no reason to add fuel to the fire of their ridiculousness.

[Anonymous]

I would never marry a woman I thought would gain a substantial amount. Complete deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

You say you don’t talk about it, but then say you “open up about that chapter in your life”. Here’s the skinny (pun kinda intended). Most men don’t give a sh*t. They don’t want to hear your deep down struggles and what you’ve overcome. They just don’t. Maybe at some point they’ll come across a picture of you from that period in time and if they say something, you say oh yeah I used to be heavier. Figured out the problem, lost the weight.

Save your introspection and deep discussion about it for your girlfriends and therapist. I’m not being snide, it’s just that it may not be the previous weight that’s chasing these guys away.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your story is yours to tell when and if you want to tell it. If I were you, I probably wouldn't disclose my full health journey to a partner unless we were in a committed relationship. I would probably just say, "I realized I wasn't feeling my best eating junk food and not exercising so I decided to try eating better and exercising regularly, and now I love it!"

It's not right, but I have heard one thing men fear most when they marry is that their wife will gain a substantial amount of weight. Is that right? No. Are men idiots? Oftentimes. There is no reason to add fuel to the fire of their ridiculousness.

Losing 100 lbs leaves a lot of loose skin probably. I imagine it is fairly obvious when naked if you were once much larger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it come up?

How could it not come up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re 30 and I imagine you want kids?

The fact that you used to be overweight in your 20’s pretty much means you’re likely to gain the weight back after kids. I don’t want to be mean but that’s reality. Basically this means you’re going to be a healthy weight for 5 years (estimate to go from dating to marriage and first or second child) then it’s almost certain that you’ll be overweight for the remainder of your relationship. That’s a hard bargain.

Wow. How's that prenup working for you? Keeping everything on track I hope.

The poster is probably right and that bothers you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was major depression. I had an aunt who was brutally murdered when I was a teen and that really scarred me. It is still unsolved and I had a lot of issues surrounding it. That and my home life and upbringing. It was filled with violence, drugs, and sexual abuse. I was left to feel unwanted as a kid and that really put me with low self-esteem and a feeling of very little self worth. It was very difficult and hard and I really turned to food as my addiction. It’s not the best choice but I think it’s better than drugs ( never done) or drinking ( rarely drink). I grew up in a household where nutrition wasn’t important ( my parents and siblings are skinny) and I didn’t know anything about it. I went through therapy and I’m much better. I found the right doctors and treated my PCOS and weight started falling off. I don’t think I will ever go back to my old ways because I never want to feel like that again. I’ve been able to maintain my weight for two years.

For the fatphobic comments. I’m not fat phobic, but I also don’t agree with the “ health at every size” thing going on today. It’s important to love yourself, but obesity is not healthy, and we need to stop acting like it is. Being obese is a health problem and we shouldn’t be normalizing it. I don’t agree with fat shaming or hurting anyone, but we need to stop with the obesity is fine that is going on today. I want a fit partner because I want someone who is also into healthy eating and fitness. It’s important I have a partner who shares those same values.

I’m not sure I want kids. If I have them, good, but I’m fine not having kids.

Two years is not long at all!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question should be would someone date a khloe kardashian? khloe used to be obese and shrank down.

obese??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural skinny is a genetic trait that is desirable for breading offspring.

So is intelligence. Sorry you missed out on that trait. Breading one's offspring sounds messy and fairly pointless.

The fatties always get big mad when a topic like this asking for honest feedback comes up.

You sound nice.

[Anonymous]

Of course not!

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, some people are not shallow jerks.

My dh is chubby and I love him fiercely. And he was slim when I met him. I don't understand people who decide they don't love their partner anymore when the person gains a little weight. The only reason I try to steer dh to eating healthier and going for walks with me is because I want him to be healthy and live longer, not because I love him less for being chubby.

Also, you people need to realize that sometimes medical issues arise as a person goes into middle age, and these can affect the spouse's appearance. What if your slim wife gets cancer and loses her hair? What if she develops an autoimmune disorder and gains weight she can't lose? What if she is in an accident that changes her appearance or ability to walk, etc? There's no way to be sure that an always-been-slim person is going to stay that way forever.

God, you people are shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never marry a woman I thought would gain a substantial amount. Complete deal breaker.

So, I guess it’s okay for women to say I would never marry a man who’s going to lose his hair or get a Dad body?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, some people are not shallow jerks.

My dh is chubby and I love him fiercely. And he was slim when I met him. I don't understand people who decide they don't love their partner anymore when the person gains a little weight. The only reason I try to steer dh to eating healthier and going for walks with me is because I want him to be healthy and live longer, not because I love him less for being chubby.

Also, you people need to realize that sometimes medical issues arise as a person goes into middle age, and these can affect the spouse's appearance. What if your slim wife gets cancer and loses her hair? What if she develops an autoimmune disorder and gains weight she can't lose? What if she is in an accident that changes her appearance or ability to walk, etc? There's no way to be sure that an always-been-slim person is going to stay that way forever.

God, you people are shallow.

What she said!

It’s so sad that our society focuses more on physical appearance than who the person really is. I get that one must be attracted to their significant others, but to say the stuff that some of these people are saying is so shallow. I look back at these guys from high school who were the best looking guys back in the day, dated and married gorgeous, skinny women and now these guys are heavy and bald. And, yes, some of their gorgeous, skinny wives are still with them. Because they’re still the same person inside. I find though, that it’s men who have the mindset that their spouse can’t get heavy or else it’s over. Egos!

For a lot of these shallow minded people, karma is a B!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, some people are not shallow jerks.

My dh is chubby and I love him fiercely. And he was slim when I met him. I don't understand people who decide they don't love their partner anymore when the person gains a little weight. The only reason I try to steer dh to eating healthier and going for walks with me is because I want him to be healthy and live longer, not because I love him less for being chubby.

Also, you people need to realize that sometimes medical issues arise as a person goes into middle age, and these can affect the spouse's appearance. What if your slim wife gets cancer and loses her hair? What if she develops an autoimmune disorder and gains weight she can't lose? What if she is in an accident that changes her appearance or ability to walk, etc? There's no way to be sure that an always-been-slim person is going to stay that way forever.

God, you people are shallow.

Gaining a few extra pounds with aging, childbirth, illness is not the same things as gaining 100 lbs such as OP's case. To me, that is an unacceptable amount of weight gain. If she did it once, I would have serious concerns she would do it again when the going gets tough.