Would You Date Someone Who Used To Be Overweight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural skinny is a genetic trait that is desirable for breading offspring.

So is intelligence. Sorry you missed out on that trait. Breading one's offspring sounds messy and fairly pointless.

I mean, lots of people will factor in intelligence in deciding who to date or marry. Very few people would consider that shallow or mean— it makes sense to want to be with someone who is on your level intellectually. Not just for “breeding” reasons. And I don’t know why suddenly that’s not allowed when it comes to health or weight. We’re not talking about denying someone housing or a job because of their history with weight. We’re saying some people might not want to share a life with you. It is what it is. It’s a very personal choice and everyone has their personal prejudices.

OP herself said she only dates guys who are fit and healthy because that’s something she values. Is she being unfair? I don’t think so.

lol

you keep not seeing it, and it keeps getting funnier

[Anonymous]

PCOS doesn’t make you gain 100 lbs. Mental illness does. PCOS makes it easier to gain and harder to lose, but when you see yourself up 5-10 lbs and pants getting tight, you dial back consumption and make changes to diet/exercise. 100 lb weight gain is major depression, food addiction, binge eating, or other causes with mental health manifestation. This would be a concern for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PCOS doesn’t make you gain 100 lbs. Mental illness does. PCOS makes it easier to gain and harder to lose, but when you see yourself up 5-10 lbs and pants getting tight, you dial back consumption and make changes to diet/exercise. 100 lb weight gain is major depression, food addiction, binge eating, or other causes with mental health manifestation. This would be a concern for me.

Where did you go to medical school?

[Anonymous]

It is common knowledge that PCOS is highly correlated with difficulty maintaining a healthy weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be tough for me to take that chance. I battle my own weight, so I don't want someone who can help me slip into an unhealthy situation. I also don't want my kid to have 2 sets of fat genes. But I admit, I'm very sensitive and shallow about weight, so I'd not be a good match for you anyway.

I find this so gross to expect something of someone else you can't expect of yourself. I'm female and I would not have dated a fat guy or formerly fat guy because I wouldn't want kids to have fat genes but...I at least bring thin genes to the table. Why would a genetically thin person want to roll the dice with your fat genes?

Sorry you feel that way. I can't do anything about my genes, I can only reduce the chances. I can certainly understand someone not wanting to take the chance w/me either and I'm not offended by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural skinny is a genetic trait that is desirable for breading offspring.

So is intelligence. Sorry you missed out on that trait. Breading one's offspring sounds messy and fairly pointless.

I mean, lots of people will factor in intelligence in deciding who to date or marry. Very few people would consider that shallow or mean— it makes sense to want to be with someone who is on your level intellectually. Not just for “breeding” reasons. And I don’t know why suddenly that’s not allowed when it comes to health or weight. We’re not talking about denying someone housing or a job because of their history with weight. We’re saying some people might not want to share a life with you. It is what it is. It’s a very personal choice and everyone has their personal prejudices.

OP herself said she only dates guys who are fit and healthy because that’s something she values. Is she being unfair? I don’t think so.

lol

you keep not seeing it, and it keeps getting funnier

I see it. It's a typo. Sorry you are under the mistaken impression that you can demand people find you attractive just because you want them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is common knowledge that PCOS is highly correlated with difficulty maintaining a healthy weight.

Plenty of women have PCOS and aren't 100 lbs overweight. That is extreme

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural skinny is a genetic trait that is desirable for breading offspring.

So is intelligence. Sorry you missed out on that trait. Breading one's offspring sounds messy and fairly pointless.

I mean, lots of people will factor in intelligence in deciding who to date or marry. Very few people would consider that shallow or mean— it makes sense to want to be with someone who is on your level intellectually. Not just for “breeding” reasons. And I don’t know why suddenly that’s not allowed when it comes to health or weight. We’re not talking about denying someone housing or a job because of their history with weight. We’re saying some people might not want to share a life with you. It is what it is. It’s a very personal choice and everyone has their personal prejudices.

OP herself said she only dates guys who are fit and healthy because that’s something she values. Is she being unfair? I don’t think so.

lol

you keep not seeing it, and it keeps getting funnier

I see it. It's a typo. Sorry you are under the mistaken impression that you can demand people find you attractive just because you want them to.

Huh? I'm happily married. Sorry you are under the mistaken impression that you can demand people find you intelligent underneath all that bad breading.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not date a former young overweight person. I believe that the fatness changed something chemically in them and not in a good way and switched on harmful genes. Plus, I cannot stand stretch-marks, loose skin and cellulite in a young person. They can let themselves go after 65.

When people are young, I expect smooth skin, nice body, energy, attractiveness and youthfulness.

[Anonymous]

Overweight as an infant? I have a nephew who was around 9 lbs when he was born. He was the fattest newborn I saw or held in my life. He lost that weight in his babyhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If you were fat at a young age, you will be fat again. I know so.many people who were thin then got fat after kids. You are already going into this with the deck stacked against you.

OP said she was skinny for most of her life. I know many people who lost a lot of weight who kept it off without any issues.

But "most of her life" was only until sometime in her 20's. She was 100 pounds overweight before she even turned 30! I wish for the best for OP, but she is statistically highly likely to be overweight again. I say this as someone who is currently overweight and has lost and gained a lot over my 30's and 40's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overweight as an infant? I have a nephew who was around 9 lbs when he was born. He was the fattest newborn I saw or held in my life. He lost that weight in his babyhood.

You must be old. A lot of babies are 9-10 lbs now

[Anonymous]

You’re 30 and I imagine you want kids?

The fact that you used to be overweight in your 20’s pretty much means you’re likely to gain the weight back after kids. I don’t want to be mean but that’s reality. Basically this means you’re going to be a healthy weight for 5 years (estimate to go from dating to marriage and first or second child) then it’s almost certain that you’ll be overweight for the remainder of your relationship. That’s a hard bargain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 32 and lost over 100lbs when I was 30. I’m 5’1” and spent most of my life very skinny and then a healthy skinny in my teens. Then I got hit with PCOS and some depression ( unresolved family issues as a child) and I was very overweight. I decided that I was tired of being sick and tired and didn’t love myself or my body. I lost all of the weight and went to therapy when I was 30. It was an amazing feeling. Now I’m very passionate about nutrition and working out. I know I will never go back to that place I was once in. I’m not crazy about it, but I do have many activities now that are centered around cooking healthy food and active activities like working out, running, hiking, etc. I’ve stayed committed to be the best possible version of myself. This all sounds great but dating is hard when men learn I used to be overweight. I have had two relationships since then that never cared ( one was also overweight and lost it), but most wont give me a chance. I don’t really talk about it, but I also don’t shy away from it once we started getting closer and I open about that chapter in my life. Some have been understanding, but most kind of just don’t like me after it. I know it’s going to come up at some point and I will not be able to hide it from a future partner. Do men really care if a woman was once overweight? Would you not date a woman because she was overweight?

Hi Op, I met my DH when I was twenty eight and a former fatty, for lack of a better word. His family is very body conscious and I was judged intensely especially by his mother. As for my DH, and then boyfriend, our connection intellectually and our chemistry was so on point from the very start that physicality never mattered. He could have been fifty pounds over weight and that smile would have still gotten me from the start. Three children later and up and down with our weight (both of us) and our relationship is amazing. My point is, no, if you just be yourself and you don't have to force that first connection you will find that person who will accept you and love you, warts and all. You simply cannot go by what the people in the perfect bubble of elitism have to offer when it comes to relationships. I find the majority of the couples I know in Bethesda to be robotic at best in their relationship. You do not want that, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural skinny is a genetic trait that is desirable for breading offspring.

So is intelligence. Sorry you missed out on that trait. Breading one's offspring sounds messy and fairly pointless.

The fatties always get big mad when a topic like this asking for honest feedback comes up.