Why are some girls so lucky in love and others struggle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had the same frustrations you have had. My friends who all seemed "lucky" in love were girls who had a combination of 2 things:

- Inherent good looks. It requires a lot of work and dedication to look the part of an "attractive woman." Girls who are genetically blessed have a leg up. Before learning to style and groom yourself, your true raw beauty shows through. Having been born pretty means that even when you're 19 and haven't quite figured out how to apply proper eyeliner, your raw beauty helps attract a pool of guys before you even really try. So from an early age you get exposure to male attention and desire and from experience, and self confidence, you learn to sharpen your picker and select the best guy to settle down with. These girls aren't necessarily super models...but they meet society's beauty standards: thin, long shiny hair, nice eyes and figure. Working out, makeup and styling takes them to a whole other level.

- Innate femininity and nurturing qualities. This is more than learning how to wear dresses or apply perfect make up. Its being feminine and early on. Babysitting, being a teacher or helping raise 4 little siblings. Affinity for dogs and pets. And yes, interest in beauty and styling. Soft and feminine. Guys want to court and date a GIRL. They had a knack for dressing to attract attention. Red lips, a little bit of thigh here, high heels. Guys were putty.

Literally every woman I know who is married or happy married possesses these qualities.

+1 This is quite accurate. I’d add that the most marriageable men end up getting scooped up early, so a willingness to enter a very serious relationship by mid-twenties can be important.

I think it’s important to add that good looks does not mean you will be lucky in love. I’ve known quite a few attractive women who cannot get it together and pick the right kind of guy. They have their pick, but they’re attracted to commitment-phobes, bad boys, and guys who don’t treat them well. I don’t necessarily think that male attention early on will cultivate a healthy self esteem, but if you already have a healthy self esteem at a young age (aka was raised in an emotionally healthy/functional, two parent household) these women will realize they have their choice early on. I’ve also known many attractive women who took their mother’s advice to delay marriage and spent years living with a great guy who wouldn’t commit. After the breakup, these women end up entering a dating market that is much different and tougher than they remember it.

PP here. I was actually going to add, I also have beautiful friends who have struggled. In their case it was their lack of emotional maturity and femininity that hindered them.

Marriageable guys know from an early age what kind of girl to go for. They do not go for the hot party girl who is not feminine and is masculine in her disposition. They will sleep with her and date her, but never marry her.
Guys just know. Its mostly biology.

This. I was the hot party girl. Sure they wanted to sleep with me, but they all married Plain Jane.

Did you ever get married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Telling women that the “highest value” women who “do well” are pretty, easy going and let their BFs/husbands “shine” is paving the way for abusers. I understand that that poster may truly believe what they are saying, but coming from an abusive FOO, that is a loaded profile to throw upon women.

Saying that men value women who are pretty and easy going is pretty much stating a law of nature.

The way tbe original PP was talking was more than pretty and easygoing. Note the man who commented above that he wanted a woman who challenged his thinking and with whom he could respectfully disagree. That is healthy. Constantly letting the man have the spotlight, letting him lead, letting him always think he is right, etc. is completely different and is an abusive dynamic.

There are always outliers. Most men want easy going no drama women for a wife, compared to someone highly opinionated who always has to be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Telling women that the “highest value” women who “do well” are pretty, easy going and let their BFs/husbands “shine” is paving the way for abusers. I understand that that poster may truly believe what they are saying, but coming from an abusive FOO, that is a loaded profile to throw upon women.

Saying that men value women who are pretty and easy going is pretty much stating a law of nature.

The way tbe original PP was talking was more than pretty and easygoing. Note the man who commented above that he wanted a woman who challenged his thinking and with whom he could respectfully disagree. That is healthy. Constantly letting the man have the spotlight, letting him lead, letting him always think he is right, etc. is completely different and is an abusive dynamic.

There are always outliers. Most men want easy going no drama women for a wife, compared to someone highly opinionated who always has to be right.

Funny that you only seem to see and point out the outliers… “easy going no drama” vs “always has to be right” Perhaps by only pointing out the black and white extremes you are in fact missing the spectrum in between. Or perhaps you mean to point out the extremes to say you want something in the middle, but from what you wrote, it seems like you think one extreme is the best. I respectfully disagree. I’m not seeing a future for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had the same frustrations you have had. My friends who all seemed "lucky" in love were girls who had a combination of 2 things:

- Inherent good looks. It requires a lot of work and dedication to look the part of an "attractive woman." Girls who are genetically blessed have a leg up. Before learning to style and groom yourself, your true raw beauty shows through. Having been born pretty means that even when you're 19 and haven't quite figured out how to apply proper eyeliner, your raw beauty helps attract a pool of guys before you even really try. So from an early age you get exposure to male attention and desire and from experience, and self confidence, you learn to sharpen your picker and select the best guy to settle down with. These girls aren't necessarily super models...but they meet society's beauty standards: thin, long shiny hair, nice eyes and figure. Working out, makeup and styling takes them to a whole other level.

- Innate femininity and nurturing qualities. This is more than learning how to wear dresses or apply perfect make up. Its being feminine and early on. Babysitting, being a teacher or helping raise 4 little siblings. Affinity for dogs and pets. And yes, interest in beauty and styling. Soft and feminine. Guys want to court and date a GIRL. They had a knack for dressing to attract attention. Red lips, a little bit of thigh here, high heels. Guys were putty.

Literally every woman I know who is married or happy married possesses these qualities.

+1 This is quite accurate. I’d add that the most marriageable men end up getting scooped up early, so a willingness to enter a very serious relationship by mid-twenties can be important.

I think it’s important to add that good looks does not mean you will be lucky in love. I’ve known quite a few attractive women who cannot get it together and pick the right kind of guy. They have their pick, but they’re attracted to commitment-phobes, bad boys, and guys who don’t treat them well. I don’t necessarily think that male attention early on will cultivate a healthy self esteem, but if you already have a healthy self esteem at a young age (aka was raised in an emotionally healthy/functional, two parent household) these women will realize they have their choice early on. I’ve also known many attractive women who took their mother’s advice to delay marriage and spent years living with a great guy who wouldn’t commit. After the breakup, these women end up entering a dating market that is much different and tougher than they remember it.

PP here. I was actually going to add, I also have beautiful friends who have struggled. In their case it was their lack of emotional maturity and femininity that hindered them.

Marriageable guys know from an early age what kind of girl to go for. They do not go for the hot party girl who is not feminine and is masculine in her disposition. They will sleep with her and date her, but never marry her.
Guys just know. Its mostly biology.

This. I was the hot party girl. Sure they wanted to sleep with me, but they all married Plain Jane.

Did you ever get married?

Yes, but had to settle.

[Anonymous]

Scientifically proven falling in love is a numbers game. The more people you meet within a timeframe the larger chance you have at meeting someone right for you. Get out there and meet people. You will not find him on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Telling women that the “highest value” women who “do well” are pretty, easy going and let their BFs/husbands “shine” is paving the way for abusers. I understand that that poster may truly believe what they are saying, but coming from an abusive FOO, that is a loaded profile to throw upon women.

Saying that men value women who are pretty and easy going is pretty much stating a law of nature.

The way tbe original PP was talking was more than pretty and easygoing. Note the man who commented above that he wanted a woman who challenged his thinking and with whom he could respectfully disagree. That is healthy. Constantly letting the man have the spotlight, letting him lead, letting him always think he is right, etc. is completely different and is an abusive dynamic.

There are always outliers. Most men want easy going no drama women for a wife, compared to someone highly opinionated who always has to be right.

+1 The "always right" women are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Telling women that the “highest value” women who “do well” are pretty, easy going and let their BFs/husbands “shine” is paving the way for abusers. I understand that that poster may truly believe what they are saying, but coming from an abusive FOO, that is a loaded profile to throw upon women.

Saying that men value women who are pretty and easy going is pretty much stating a law of nature.

The way tbe original PP was talking was more than pretty and easygoing. Note the man who commented above that he wanted a woman who challenged his thinking and with whom he could respectfully disagree. That is healthy. Constantly letting the man have the spotlight, letting him lead, letting him always think he is right, etc. is completely different and is an abusive dynamic.

There are always outliers. Most men want easy going no drama women for a wife, compared to someone highly opinionated who always has to be right.

+1 The "always right" women are the worst.

Do people really not understand the difference between somebody who is dramatic and somebody who holds their own in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Telling women that the “highest value” women who “do well” are pretty, easy going and let their BFs/husbands “shine” is paving the way for abusers. I understand that that poster may truly believe what they are saying, but coming from an abusive FOO, that is a loaded profile to throw upon women.

Saying that men value women who are pretty and easy going is pretty much stating a law of nature.

The way tbe original PP was talking was more than pretty and easygoing. Note the man who commented above that he wanted a woman who challenged his thinking and with whom he could respectfully disagree. That is healthy. Constantly letting the man have the spotlight, letting him lead, letting him always think he is right, etc. is completely different and is an abusive dynamic.

There are always outliers. Most men want easy going no drama women for a wife, compared to someone highly opinionated who always has to be right.

Easy going =/= having no opinions or interesting thoughts on anything

[Anonymous]

Stepford wives ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, PP really hit a nerve by saying that attractive and traditionally feminine women have much more choice and therefore a higher likelihood of marrying well.

If true, it underscores that being a wife is a job that some women are better suited for than others. Let's be honest about the work it entails, though, and caution women to be aware of what they are being paid for doing it. Marriage is not the "prize" for winning a beauty contest.

PP here. I'd also say that women in happy marriages or married to "good quality guys" possess certain traits.

- no ego. These girls are again, feminine in their disposition in that they naturally know to turn the spotlight on their BF early on and let him take the lead. By doing this they build him up and he, in turn, builds her up by giving her gf privileges and eventually marriage and children and financial support.

- not argumentative. They are chill and go with the flow. Not super demanding. Guys do not like girls who throw a fit and can't be pleased.

- no drama. levelheaded and mature.

Marriage involves sacrifice, humility and putting your husband and children first. Its not about ME its about US.

Selfish, entitled and egotistical people, men and women, are weeded out early by the marriageable types who gravitate towards each other.

PP: what kind of married people do you know? I don’t hang out with dramatic, demanding, egotistical people, but the vast majority of the married women I know are argumentative, not chill, and don’t make an effort to let their husbands lead. I hardly know anybody like the women you are describing.

PP here. Maybe its my UMC/UC social circle.

Oh please. A neurotic, obsessive, argumentative UMC married woman is practically a stereotype, that's how common it is.

[Anonymous]

From where I sit, women who are lucky in love vary as to looks or personality traits, but they have one thing in common:

They are focused on what they want out of the relationship, and they are completely ready to exit relationships that do not lead to their goal quickly. They do not ask if this will get better, if they can change the man, if this is not so bad after all. They are ready to leave quickly.

Pretty much every single beautiful, successful, single girlfriend I have now (we are all in late 40s) has spent years in dead-end, utterly unsuitable relationships. This has hampered their chances in the marketplace as the pool of men shrinks while standards become higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had the same frustrations you have had. My friends who all seemed "lucky" in love were girls who had a combination of 2 things:

- Inherent good looks. It requires a lot of work and dedication to look the part of an "attractive woman." Girls who are genetically blessed have a leg up. Before learning to style and groom yourself, your true raw beauty shows through. Having been born pretty means that even when you're 19 and haven't quite figured out how to apply proper eyeliner, your raw beauty helps attract a pool of guys before you even really try. So from an early age you get exposure to male attention and desire and from experience, and self confidence, you learn to sharpen your picker and select the best guy to settle down with. These girls aren't necessarily super models...but they meet society's beauty standards: thin, long shiny hair, nice eyes and figure. Working out, makeup and styling takes them to a whole other level.

- Innate femininity and nurturing qualities. This is more than learning how to wear dresses or apply perfect make up. Its being feminine and early on. Babysitting, being a teacher or helping raise 4 little siblings. Affinity for dogs and pets. And yes, interest in beauty and styling. Soft and feminine. Guys want to court and date a GIRL. They had a knack for dressing to attract attention. Red lips, a little bit of thigh here, high heels. Guys were putty.

Literally every woman I know who is married or happy married possesses these qualities.

+1 This is quite accurate. I’d add that the most marriageable men end up getting scooped up early, so a willingness to enter a very serious relationship by mid-twenties can be important.

I think it’s important to add that good looks does not mean you will be lucky in love. I’ve known quite a few attractive women who cannot get it together and pick the right kind of guy. They have their pick, but they’re attracted to commitment-phobes, bad boys, and guys who don’t treat them well. I don’t necessarily think that male attention early on will cultivate a healthy self esteem, but if you already have a healthy self esteem at a young age (aka was raised in an emotionally healthy/functional, two parent household) these women will realize they have their choice early on. I’ve also known many attractive women who took their mother’s advice to delay marriage and spent years living with a great guy who wouldn’t commit. After the breakup, these women end up entering a dating market that is much different and tougher than they remember it.

PP here. I was actually going to add, I also have beautiful friends who have struggled. In their case it was their lack of emotional maturity and femininity that hindered them.

Marriageable guys know from an early age what kind of girl to go for. They do not go for the hot party girl who is not feminine and is masculine in her disposition. They will sleep with her and date her, but never marry her.
Guys just know. Its mostly biology.

This. I was the hot party girl. Sure they wanted to sleep with me, but they all married Plain Jane.

Did you ever marry?

[Anonymous]

I married a hot party girl. Not afraid of her background at all. My theory is that she got the craziness out of her system and was ready for a commitment. Please I knew she likes sex. Have no bedroom complaints.

[Anonymous]

Meant plus.

[Anonymous]

OP, You're 32 on a mom's forum asking why you are unable to obtain a suitable man without children. That is all you need to know. Go out! Get a group of friends.