Why are some girls so lucky in love and others struggle?

[Anonymous]

You're not going to settle, eh? Well, you will have to or you will end up all alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not going to settle, eh? Well, you will have to or you will end up all alone.

I don't want bald or fat. I don't want underemployed.

[Anonymous]

What’s your relationship with your father like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To get married to a great guy?

Be a winner.
Come from a good intact family.
Have a plan for your career and accomplishments.
Be healthy, fit, good looking and dress well.
Have hobbies and friends.
Do not be desperate. Cultivate a good reputation.
Do not be easy sexually.
Bring something admirable to the table.
Be fiscally responsible.

Written by a douchey Republican man who reads women's message board. MAGA!

I'm a progressive woman and I don't see anything wrong with this post. It doesn't guarantee you'll find anyone (really good men are rare) but all of these qualities are desirable for anyone of any political persuasion.

“Be a winner?” That’s 100% a douchey male republican phrase. In this context anyway.

Also it’s hilarious to make this laundry list of qualities like “be successful” and “be hot” and then add “being something admirable to the table.” There is no way a woman who has all these qualities is going to go for a man like this unless he is crazy rich and good looking. But most crazy rich men don’t care if their wife is “fiscally responsible” so this dude is living in fantasy land.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not going to settle, eh? Well, you will have to or you will end up all alone.

which sounds more pathetic: “I’m single” or “I’m in a relationship with a loser?”

[Anonymous]

You could substitute “people” for girls in your post. It is the human condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To get married to a great guy?

Be a winner.
Come from a good intact family.
Have a plan for your career and accomplishments.
Be healthy, fit, good looking and dress well.
Have hobbies and friends.
Do not be desperate. Cultivate a good reputation.
Do not be easy sexually.
Bring something admirable to the table.
Be fiscally responsible.

Written by a douchey Republican man who reads women's message board. MAGA!

I'm a progressive woman and I don't see anything wrong with this post. It doesn't guarantee you'll find anyone (really good men are rare) but all of these qualities are desirable for anyone of any political persuasion.

“Be a winner?” That’s 100% a douchey male republican phrase. In this context anyway.

Also it’s hilarious to make this laundry list of qualities like “be successful” and “be hot” and then add “being something admirable to the table.” There is no way a woman who has all these qualities is going to go for a man like this unless he is crazy rich and good looking. But most crazy rich men don’t care if their wife is “fiscally responsible” so this dude is living in fantasy land.

Everyone should be fiscally responsible regardless of their relationship status, if they’re successful, hot, fat, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To get married to a great guy?

Be a winner.
Come from a good intact family.
Have a plan for your career and accomplishments.
Be healthy, fit, good looking and dress well.
Have hobbies and friends.
Do not be desperate. Cultivate a good reputation.
Do not be easy sexually.
Bring something admirable to the table.
Be fiscally responsible.

Written by a douchey Republican man who reads women's message board. MAGA!

I'm a progressive woman and I don't see anything wrong with this post. It doesn't guarantee you'll find anyone (really good men are rare) but all of these qualities are desirable for anyone of any political persuasion.

“Be a winner?” That’s 100% a douchey male republican phrase. In this context anyway.

Also it’s hilarious to make this laundry list of qualities like “be successful” and “be hot” and then add “being something admirable to the table.” There is no way a woman who has all these qualities is going to go for a man like this unless he is crazy rich and good looking. But most crazy rich men don’t care if their wife is “fiscally responsible” so this dude is living in fantasy land.

Everyone should be fiscally responsible regardless of their relationship status, if they’re successful, hot, fat, whatever.

No man with a net worth of 100M is thinking “I really need a wife who is careful with money.”

[Anonymous]

For me, I majored in dating. I was married a year after college. A lot of my friends from college aren't married and we are in our mid-30s. They are too picky. I had a type but I was open to other people. I think the difference between me and them is that I'm more flexible. I have an easygoing personality and I had a lot of fun with my dates but I weeded out men right away if I thought they couldn't be serious. I only dated guys I could sense adored me. I dated older guys. My now husband is 6 years older. By my junior year, I knew I wanted the option to be a sahm. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for thinking that far ahead but it worked out. I work part-time and am a stay-at-home mom the other 5 days. Personality is very important and I think when we are younger we don't always factor that in. I remember accidentally overhearing conversations from "friends" about being confused about why my boyfriend was so hot and with me for so long (3 years) because I am average-looking. I broke up with the hot guy and he was model hot because he made fun of a stay-at-home mom who was walking her newborn. He said something like some women like to do nothing all day. I explained how I would like to be a stay at home mom and he told me he can't provide that and I should look for a med student. I ended up with a doctor but a doctor of statistics. He is not as "hot" but he's cute and nice. His income ended up being a lot more than hot boyfriend. That boyfriend married a below-average-looking woman who came from money. Some people just know what they want and are persistent about finding it. I didn't have a lot of intimate relationships before marriage. For me that was reserved for someone I was very serious about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, I majored in dating. I was married a year after college. A lot of my friends from college aren't married and we are in our mid-30s. They are too picky. I had a type but I was open to other people. I think the difference between me and them is that I'm more flexible. I have an easygoing personality and I had a lot of fun with my dates but I weeded out men right away if I thought they couldn't be serious. I only dated guys I could sense adored me. I dated older guys. My now husband is 6 years older. By my junior year, I knew I wanted the option to be a sahm. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for thinking that far ahead but it worked out. I work part-time and am a stay-at-home mom the other 5 days. Personality is very important and I think when we are younger we don't always factor that in. I remember accidentally overhearing conversations from "friends" about being confused about why my boyfriend was so hot and with me for so long (3 years) because I am average-looking. I broke up with the hot guy and he was model hot because he made fun of a stay-at-home mom who was walking her newborn. He said something like some women like to do nothing all day. I explained how I would like to be a stay at home mom and he told me he can't provide that and I should look for a med student. I ended up with a doctor but a doctor of statistics. He is not as "hot" but he's cute and nice. His income ended up being a lot more than hot boyfriend. That boyfriend married a below-average-looking woman who came from money. Some people just know what they want and are persistent about finding it. I didn't have a lot of intimate relationships before marriage. For me that was reserved for someone I was very serious about.

When I say income keep in mind I had to wait years for my now husband to have a high income. I married him because of his personality and we had similar goals about raising children. He was entering a Ph.D. program when we married. We waited five years after marriage to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, I majored in dating. I was married a year after college. A lot of my friends from college aren't married and we are in our mid-30s. They are too picky. I had a type but I was open to other people. I think the difference between me and them is that I'm more flexible. I have an easygoing personality and I had a lot of fun with my dates but I weeded out men right away if I thought they couldn't be serious. I only dated guys I could sense adored me. I dated older guys. My now husband is 6 years older. By my junior year, I knew I wanted the option to be a sahm. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for thinking that far ahead but it worked out. I work part-time and am a stay-at-home mom the other 5 days. Personality is very important and I think when we are younger we don't always factor that in. I remember accidentally overhearing conversations from "friends" about being confused about why my boyfriend was so hot and with me for so long (3 years) because I am average-looking. I broke up with the hot guy and he was model hot because he made fun of a stay-at-home mom who was walking her newborn. He said something like some women like to do nothing all day. I explained how I would like to be a stay at home mom and he told me he can't provide that and I should look for a med student. I ended up with a doctor but a doctor of statistics. He is not as "hot" but he's cute and nice. His income ended up being a lot more than hot boyfriend. That boyfriend married a below-average-looking woman who came from money. Some people just know what they want and are persistent about finding it. I didn't have a lot of intimate relationships before marriage. For me that was reserved for someone I was very serious about.

When I say income keep in mind I had to wait years for my now husband to have a high income. I married him because of his personality and we had similar goals about raising children. He was entering a Ph.D. program when we married. We waited five years after marriage to have kids.

Not sure if troll or not. Stat PhDs hardly make any money.
https://www.payscale.com/research/US/Degree=Doctor_of_Philosophy_(PhD)%2C_Statistics/Salary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, I majored in dating. I was married a year after college. A lot of my friends from college aren't married and we are in our mid-30s. They are too picky. I had a type but I was open to other people. I think the difference between me and them is that I'm more flexible. I have an easygoing personality and I had a lot of fun with my dates but I weeded out men right away if I thought they couldn't be serious. I only dated guys I could sense adored me. I dated older guys. My now husband is 6 years older. By my junior year, I knew I wanted the option to be a sahm. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for thinking that far ahead but it worked out. I work part-time and am a stay-at-home mom the other 5 days. Personality is very important and I think when we are younger we don't always factor that in. I remember accidentally overhearing conversations from "friends" about being confused about why my boyfriend was so hot and with me for so long (3 years) because I am average-looking. I broke up with the hot guy and he was model hot because he made fun of a stay-at-home mom who was walking her newborn. He said something like some women like to do nothing all day. I explained how I would like to be a stay at home mom and he told me he can't provide that and I should look for a med student. I ended up with a doctor but a doctor of statistics. He is not as "hot" but he's cute and nice. His income ended up being a lot more than hot boyfriend. That boyfriend married a below-average-looking woman who came from money. Some people just know what they want and are persistent about finding it. I didn't have a lot of intimate relationships before marriage. For me that was reserved for someone I was very serious about.

When I say income keep in mind I had to wait years for my now husband to have a high income. I married him because of his personality and we had similar goals about raising children. He was entering a Ph.D. program when we married. We waited five years after marriage to have kids.

PP I think women can learn a lot from you. IMO the most important thing is to only date guys who adore you. Only men who think you are a prize are willing to, well, treat you like you are a prize. A lot of women try to convince men to date them or try to change their minds or just stay with them until the guy is ready and sometimes that works out in pragmatic terms, but I would never say those women are “lucky in love.”

That isn’t to say you shouldn’t put forth effort. But you shouldn’t put forth effort that compromises who you are. I definitely looked cute and I was nice and I do have a good personality (most of the time). But I never tried to be more soft-spoken because that just isn’t me. I also never hid my intelligence out of fear of intimidating a guy. Some guys weren’t interested in me because I was loud and they didn’t like the idea of having a partner who was smarter than they were. Good for them for knowing what they want! My now-husband thought I had a great personality and truly admired my intelligence. You have to know who you are and what you most want and find somebody compatible.

And you do have to be realistic about your options. I knew I wasn’t the most gorgeous person ever so I never thought I’d get the hottest guy around. DH is attractive but he’s short and bald. He also had no money when we got married. Those were things that were easy for me to compromise on. It actually didn’t feel like a compromise since I never set my sights on the tall dark and handsome rich guy. I wanted someone who was funny, emotionally intelligent, health conscious, smart, and financially savvy. And who adored me. I was willing to be single forever before I’d compromise on those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not going to settle, eh? Well, you will have to or you will end up all alone.

which sounds more pathetic: “I’m single” or “I’m in a relationship with a loser?”

Bald = loser in your mind? Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, I majored in dating. I was married a year after college. A lot of my friends from college aren't married and we are in our mid-30s. They are too picky. I had a type but I was open to other people. I think the difference between me and them is that I'm more flexible. I have an easygoing personality and I had a lot of fun with my dates but I weeded out men right away if I thought they couldn't be serious. I only dated guys I could sense adored me. I dated older guys. My now husband is 6 years older. By my junior year, I knew I wanted the option to be a sahm. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for thinking that far ahead but it worked out. I work part-time and am a stay-at-home mom the other 5 days. Personality is very important and I think when we are younger we don't always factor that in. I remember accidentally overhearing conversations from "friends" about being confused about why my boyfriend was so hot and with me for so long (3 years) because I am average-looking. I broke up with the hot guy and he was model hot because he made fun of a stay-at-home mom who was walking her newborn. He said something like some women like to do nothing all day. I explained how I would like to be a stay at home mom and he told me he can't provide that and I should look for a med student. I ended up with a doctor but a doctor of statistics. He is not as "hot" but he's cute and nice. His income ended up being a lot more than hot boyfriend. That boyfriend married a below-average-looking woman who came from money. Some people just know what they want and are persistent about finding it. I didn't have a lot of intimate relationships before marriage. For me that was reserved for someone I was very serious about.

So I relate to very little of this, and had a pretty different approach to finding a partner. Plus got started much later -- I had zero interest in marriage during college and grad school and didn't really start thinking about finding someone to settle down with until I was almost 30. But I actually agree with the overall approach. Once I started looking, I found my DH pretty quickly (within about a year) because I know what I wanted.

Also, regarding the bolded, I think this is the balance you need. You need to know what is most important to you and then be willing to be flexible on other things in order to ensure you get those most important things. For me, I wanted someone who was a true partner (would pull his weight at home, would view me as an equal, would respect my career) and I wanted someone who shared a lot of my interests and wanted to spend a lot of time together. I met men who were wealthier, more traditionally "hotter", and more professionally ambitious than my DH when I was dating. But when I met my DH, I immediately felt like we were a perfect fit. And I got exactly what I wanted -- almost 20 years later, he's still a total partner (he's literally cleaning up the kitchen right now while I relax -- he slept in a bit this morning while I got breakfast ready) and we still spend most of our free time together doing the things we both love -- hiking, watching movies, going to museums, watching baseball. If I'd held out for someone who was all those things but also wealthy and super hot, I'd be spending this holiday alone. Nothing wrong with that, but the reason I'm not alone is because I knew what was important to me but also where I was willing to compromise. And I have zero regrets about any of it.

By the way, most of the "hot" guys I dated in my 20s are now less attractive than my DH because they put on weight and lost hair, but my DH is very active and athletic (like me) and didn't go bald. So marrying for hotness in your 20s is a real crapshoot that I think often doesn't pay off. A lot of men don't age well, especially if they like to drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not going to settle, eh? Well, you will have to or you will end up all alone.

which sounds more pathetic: “I’m single” or “I’m in a relationship with a loser?”

Bald = loser in your mind? Good luck with that.

lol my husband is bald. But I didn’t compromise. I don’t care about hair. DH is plenty attractive without it.