How to talk to your child after they did horribly in a swim meet

[Anonymous]

As you are new to the sport it is understandable you have questions but please read all the comments. Swim is first and foremost fun, then it is good coaching and learning technique, then it is talent, and finally it is personal drive.

So, so many kids have it early and excel (one of mine did) but then growth spurts, physiology, other interests, burn out. My dc was beating your dc every day, every year until about 14. Your guy caught up, surpassed size, natural talent across the sports highly exhibited, and demonstrated drive to win and started beating mine. Both stayed friends and neither wanted to swim in college.

Have fun. My goal was always to look at his face after every heat. If he smiled, I smiled. If he was disappointed, I hugged and said not a word. I never recorded one race as I wanted to be in the moment. So many parents film it and never really just experience the race. It is really easy to get caught up in the swim culture as a parent. It is not good. At 7, you have no idea where his real talent, passion, drive lay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you are new to the sport it is understandable you have questions but please read all the comments. Swim is first and foremost fun, then it is good coaching and learning technique, then it is talent, and finally it is personal drive.

So, so many kids have it early and excel (one of mine did) but then growth spurts, physiology, other interests, burn out. My dc was beating your dc every day, every year until about 14. Your guy caught up, surpassed size, natural talent across the sports highly exhibited, and demonstrated drive to win and started beating mine. Both stayed friends and neither wanted to swim in college.

Have fun. My goal was always to look at his face after every heat. If he smiled, I smiled. If he was disappointed, I hugged and said not a word. I never recorded one race as I wanted to be in the moment. So many parents film it and never really just experience the race. It is really easy to get caught up in the swim culture as a parent. It is not good. At 7, you have no idea where his real talent, passion, drive lay.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Think about it.

Competitive lap swimming is one of the most boring activities there is. You are literally going back and forth in an artificial chlorinated body of water. No change of scenery like in cross-country/sailing/motorcross/biking/hunting/eventing/climbing/hiking, no intense team moments like in other field sports or orchestra/chamber music, no uplifting music like in ballet/gym/music (duh), no cerebral excitement like in robotics/chess/debate, no communing with an animal like in horseback riding/showing. Nothing.

All these swim parents should apologize to their kids for making them participate in something so reductive and soul-crushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not totally sure what happened with DC, 7, tonight but he went from performing among top 3 swimmers in team to the bottom three.

Seemed very distracted. Thus far we've said nothing other then how did you feel about the meet, did you have fun etc. Should we say anything else?

Not clear if they are aware of poor performance and not sure if we should just ignore it altogether or ask if something was bothering them.

What I've said and do say is Hey do you want an ice cream?
At 7 does your child actually care and why do you?

[Anonymous]

My child was 7 when he first did a time trial and it was truly hilarious. Had no idea what he was doing. Got wrapped up in a lane divider no one taught him stroke counts so he kept stopping and looking back for backstroke.

I was smiling throughout, and he was smiling throughout and had a great time. He swims year round now but still thinks summer swim is the best.

OP whatever you do not hint that you think what you wrote here. Show your child how to have fun, and not take himself too seriously at this age and your child will do great. Good luck to your child this summer. You'll see by the end of it it's really about bonding with kids from different ages while doing a sport they all enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Think about it.

Competitive lap swimming is one of the most boring activities there is. You are literally going back and forth in an artificial chlorinated body of water. No change of scenery like in cross-country/sailing/motorcross/biking/hunting/eventing/climbing/hiking, no intense team moments like in other field sports or orchestra/chamber music, no uplifting music like in ballet/gym/music (duh), no cerebral excitement like in robotics/chess/debate, no communing with an animal like in horseback riding/showing. Nothing.

All these swim parents should apologize to their kids for making them participate in something so reductive and soul-crushing.

You’re just to dumb to understand. Move along.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP, I sometimes feel that way. I try to just stay away from paying too much attention to his time. My son is a top year round swimmer. I get so anxious watching his meet. Hard being a swim mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread make me really sad. I feel sorry for your 7 year old. I really do.

+1

I’ve been there with the pressure from parents and frankly, it’s the reason I quit. Swim team should be fun at that age, OP. PLEASE dont pressure your child or say anything to him. It’s summer after a shitty year, let him do his own thing and leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

OP: first off, stressing about a 7 year old’s performance at a swim meet is unnecessary because they are very young and unlikely to care all that much. If the do care at this age it’s most likely because of pressure that has been put on them by you or a coach. So if your child is reacting to their performance please examine that. Parent/coach pressure has ruined many a sports career especially in swimming where so much hard work is required.

Second, it could be as simple as the fact that it was cold last Sat morning. The kids on my son’s team were much slower than usual because it was cold and little kids do not yet have the maturity to push through adverse conditions in sports. (And why should they? Plenty of time slot develop that if they so choose.) I haven’t paid too much attention at practice but with my own 7 year old I can see how much slower he swims when he is cold — yesterday for example. It’s like he’s trying to curl up in a ball and swim at the same time. Hoping it warms up soon as this is supposed to be fun not miserable.

When you put your child in a sport or any activity, you need to let go of control and accept that they’re going to do what they’re going to do. They might be great, they might be average, they might be terrible. Just a free support and get them to practice or rehearsal or whatever and let it be what it will be. I have seen first hand how damaging it is d’or parents to put a lot of pressure on their kids to excel at a sport. They feel the disappointment and it crushes their self esteem.

[Anonymous]

I had a PEP teacher who said the best thing to say to your kid after any sports event is "I loved watching you play" or in this case "I loved watching you swim." that is it.

[Anonymous]

Say "good swim" and buy him an ice cream to make up for the ribbon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Don't feel sad. We haven't said anything and are new at this. If it were a test at school, we would probably sit down with our kids to talk about it so wasn't sure if same approach applies here.

It does not. Keep your mouth shut and leave it to the coaches. Only thing you need to do is encourage and keep it fun.
— signed a parent who was overzealous when their swimmer was 7
P.S. — also do not be that parent screaming for their child on deck during a race. Watch parents of older kids. They have learned to cool it

[Anonymous]

Your kid will be successful at summer swimming if they are still doing it as a SENIOR in HS!!! Here’s the secret….it’s not about being the fastest…..it’s about having FUN! If you want your kid to quit the sport, find it a grueling chore and end up hating you, then by all means keep critiquing “disappointing performances” at age 7

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Don't feel sad. We haven't said anything and are new at this. If it were a test at school, we would probably sit down with our kids to talk about it so wasn't sure if same approach applies here.

You’re a psycho OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is 7. Is he or she a year round swimmer? It sounds like s/he is not if you're new to this. Chill and have fun. If your kid likes it and likes to go to practice, be happy!


If you're new to a summer team, there may have been a few kids at the meet/time trials who weren't at summer practice or who were swimming up during summer practice because they already know the strokes or are so much faster than their age group.

Let your kid beat his or her own times all season. Cheer on whatever improvement you see. I had a SLOW turtle at that age who took years decade to bloom -- but we all stuck with it because he LOVES swimming. Talk about a fabulous lifetime sport. He has always gotten more exercise at swim practice than he ever did at soccer or basketball.

This is important advice. I was also wondering how you thought you knew your kid was a top three swimmer this early in the season. The good swimmers usually swim in a faster age group or winter team so you won’t see them at practice. And they might skip time trials because of a winter meet.

Swimming is a lot of fun and good exercise but it also can be heartbreaking. There is always some new kid appearing with faster time or some old kid getting faster and your kid gets knocked down. Teach your kid not to get discouraged by this and he will enjoy the sport so much more. ❤️