How to talk to your child after they did horribly in a swim meet

[Anonymous]

“I’m proud of you! That was great!”

It’s a b meet. The kid is 7. And as a former athlete (D1), I have had bad days and good days and at the end of it the best thing, really, is “I am proud of you!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the swim teams around here are doing time trials this week.
Please tell me you aren’t talking about time trials.

Many teams had a B meet Monday night.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how you know he was one of the top performers on the team. Regardless, if you think it was some kind of performance anxiety, you could ask the coach privately what she thought. I say this as a mom to a kid who definitely gets performance anxiety and you should be thinking of it like that. (Not, “this is where you failed” but doing your best, ignore everything else, etc). Watch extra pressure if there is already anxiety. You’ll add to it. Often kids who have anxiety have anxious parents.

[Anonymous]

Troll? Let's unpack this. They were a "top performer " last year at age 6? In the 8&U? Extremely unlikely.

Anyway, size greatly determines speed at that age. So other kids probably grew more.

[Anonymous]

Please don't talk to your 7 year old about their poor performance on a test, either. Just focus on love of learning, read to them, go to the museum, make sure they have a quiet spot to work. I'm a school counselor, and this will backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is your script:

Congratulations! Your first meet of the season! Did you have fun?

. . .

I had a lot of fun watching you.

Let’s go get some ice cream!

+1

[Anonymous]

We just joined a pool and my 8yo is doing swim team for the first time. I pray it’s nothing like this. I just want her to enjoy herself, she’s not going to the Olympics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottom 3 is not horrible. Horrible is dead last a lap behind the next person.

Nope, that was my 9 year old niece. She did her best. We were proud. Horrible is the lifeguard jumps in to save you, or you have a terrible meltdown on the deck. No child in a race does “horrible”

Well whether or not that happened to your niece that’s what qualifies as horrible in my book. I was on swim team as a kid/teen and had my share of horrible meets. Merely losing isn’t it but losing by a lap is.

[Anonymous]

If your kid swam faster at time trials than at the B meet it doesn't matter, their fastest time will still stay on the ladder for each stroke.
I had a kid who always did freestyle fastest at time trials and went downhill from there all year. who knows...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll? Let's unpack this. They were a "top performer " last year at age 6? In the 8&U? Extremely unlikely.

Anyway, size greatly determines speed at that age. So other kids probably grew more.

There weren’t swim meets anywhere around here last summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not totally sure what happened with DC, 7, tonight but he went from performing among top 3 swimmers in team to the bottom three.

Seemed very distracted. Thus far we've said nothing other then how did you feel about the meet, did you have fun etc. Should we say anything else?

Not clear if they are aware of poor performance and not sure if we should just ignore it altogether or ask if something was bothering them.

So they did poorly. Maybe the other swimmers were better. Who cares
Your kid is 7! 7! Relax or kid is going to quit from pressure.

[Anonymous]

There weren’t swim meets anywhere around here last summer.

Our team had virtual meets with other teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottom 3 is not horrible. Horrible is dead last a lap behind the next person.

Nope, that was my 9 year old niece. She did her best. We were proud. Horrible is the lifeguard jumps in to save you, or you have a terrible meltdown on the deck. No child in a race does “horrible”

Well whether or not that happened to your niece that’s what qualifies as horrible in my book. I was on swim team as a kid/teen and had my share of horrible meets. Merely losing isn’t it but losing by a lap is.

Well, you are a jerk.

-- parent of kid who wants to swim and will always be that slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is your script:

Congratulations! Your first meet of the season! Did you have fun?

. . .

I had a lot of fun watching you.

Let’s go get some ice cream!

Bingo!! This is how I communicate with my kids after the good and the bad meets.

[Anonymous]

OP, let your kid swim for the fun of it. Not everything in life has to be about maximizing outward achievement.