How to talk to your child after they did horribly in a swim meet

[Anonymous]

Here is your script:

Congratulations! Your first meet of the season! Did you have fun?

. . .

I had a lot of fun watching you.

Let’s go get some ice cream!

[Anonymous]

Lady, you need to CHILL. Go have a glass of wine and stop letting your 7 year old define your identity. Coach will discuss performance with your kid. You just cheer him on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Don't feel sad. We haven't said anything and are new at this. If it were a test at school, we would probably sit down with our kids to talk about it so wasn't sure if same approach applies here.

OK well then listen to the parents who aren’t new to this - you are imagining far greater consequences for one less-than-great B meet.

[Anonymous]

It’s not even the post itself. It’s that there’s not even the faintest hint of recognition that this is insane.

The kid is 7! It’s swimming in a pool!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Their good friends will receive ribbons, but they won't and they will be re-assigned to swim with weaker swimmers at practice -- I don't know if I should wait for them to ask questions about it or prep them in advance.

^^Automatically bumped down from a poor performance at 1 meet??

There's more going on. Sounds like it's more than just an isolated incident.

Is your kid struggling at practice? Is his heart just not into it anymore?

Are you really asking these questions about a 7 year old? I'm not sure who is crazier, the OP or you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not even the post itself. It’s that there’s not even the faintest hint of recognition that this is insane.

The kid is 7! It’s swimming in a pool!!

I didn't start swimming until 8 (and ended up on a scholarship in D1, go figure) and all I remember from those early years is the cheers, the caravans to away meets, the cool "big kds", and the pools that had the best concessions. Thank God my parents let me just enjoy it for what it was early on or I never would have kept with it.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is 7. Is he or she a year round swimmer? It sounds like s/he is not if you're new to this. Chill and have fun. If your kid likes it and likes to go to practice, be happy!


If you're new to a summer team, there may have been a few kids at the meet/time trials who weren't at summer practice or who were swimming up during summer practice because they already know the strokes or are so much faster than their age group.

Let your kid beat his or her own times all season. Cheer on whatever improvement you see. I had a SLOW turtle at that age who took years decade to bloom -- but we all stuck with it because he LOVES swimming. Talk about a fabulous lifetime sport. He has always gotten more exercise at swim practice than he ever did at soccer or basketball.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8 year old. After a game or meet, we will usually say something along the lines of "Awesome job today! How do you feel you did?" Because sometimes he is upset about something that we didn't think was a big deal. If he's happy with how everything went, that's that. If he says "well I'm mad that I had that inning where I walked a bunch of people", we come up with ideas on what he can do different the next game.

I don't like to point out when he didn't have a great game. But I also don't like to gloss over when he feels like he didn't have a great game.

[Anonymous]

Bottom 3 is not horrible. Horrible is dead last a lap behind the next person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom 3 is not horrible. Horrible is dead last a lap behind the next person.

And that deserves praise because it takes guts.

[Anonymous]

All the swim teams around here are doing time trials this week.
Please tell me you aren’t talking about time trials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Don't feel sad. We haven't said anything and are new at this. If it were a test at school, we would probably sit down with our kids to talk about it so wasn't sure if same approach applies here.

New at what?

[Anonymous]

Like a parent, not a coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not totally sure what happened with DC, 7, tonight but he went from performing among top 3 swimmers in team to the bottom three.

You've gotten really good advice. But it struck me also that you're measuring success based on placement and not times. It's important for you to remember that your kid has no control over other kids' times. There might be new, faster kids joining the team, or kids who make big improvements quickly.

What your kid can try to do over time is to swim faster and improve his personal times. Even then, there will be ups and downs, and that's normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom 3 is not horrible. Horrible is dead last a lap behind the next person.

Nope, that was my 9 year old niece. She did her best. We were proud. Horrible is the lifeguard jumps in to save you, or you have a terrible meltdown on the deck. No child in a race does “horrible”