Struggling to Support Unemployed Husband

[Anonymous]

Hey OP,

I work in finance and can speak to this. Nonprofits ARE very interested in former private-sector finance people and feel that they bring a lot of experience to the job. They’re willing to pay for it, but not investment banking-level wages (which it sounds like what your husband is doing). They are mostly found through word of mouth, though, as another PP said.

What degree is he thinking of going for? Regardless, I don’t think it’ll matter. MBA recruiting is already hard as it is, and dropping $70K on a random masters degree won’t make a difference in his employment situation since he sounds pretty high up (I’d guess Manager - Sr. Director level if he’s in his mid-30s).

Head hunters can be very hit or miss in this area. Mostly Miss, save for a handful of good ones but they’re all working on the same jobs, for the most part.

Lastly, I must ask — why does he want to do nonprofit work? If he doesn’t like his own child to be noisy and for everything to be controlled, he’ll have a hell of a time in the nonprofit space. People fly by the seat of their pants on a good day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am grateful to see so many helpful replies.

Several people asking about quitting a job without having a new one lined up: He didn't have time to job search while working. Also, he was exhausted and needed a few months off. A decade of 80-hour weeks will do that to you.

If I work, what I make will just barely cover the childcare (kid is too young for school). DH is already miserable watching kid for 3-4 hours a day while I do my freelance stuff. Our kiddo is great, but loud and strong-willed and a terrible sleeper. DH is all about calm and order, noise really bothers him (it's like a sensory thing) and cannot deal with watching him all day.

He reached out to some headhunters but they said they can only help with the same type of intense traditional finance gig he was in before. Will keep trying with this.

I'm a writer and I help with the cover letters, so yes, they are personalized and pretty good.

I got a masters (many years ago) at HYPS-type school and it was such a scam. Fun time, learned a lot, ZERO career support or opportunities. I know several other people with similar stories. So that's why I'm wary about the Masters route. Maybe the MBA would be better.

I felt sorry for your DH until I read that part! Why did he choose to have a kid with you when he's 'bothered by noise'? I would tell him, suck it up buttercup!

[Anonymous]

With his finance background, can't he get a more laid back job at Capital One? People on here are always saying they have reasonable work life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am grateful to see so many helpful replies.

Several people asking about quitting a job without having a new one lined up: He didn't have time to job search while working. Also, he was exhausted and needed a few months off. A decade of 80-hour weeks will do that to you.

If I work, what I make will just barely cover the childcare (kid is too young for school). DH is already miserable watching kid for 3-4 hours a day while I do my freelance stuff. Our kiddo is great, but loud and strong-willed and a terrible sleeper. DH is all about calm and order, noise really bothers him (it's like a sensory thing) and cannot deal with watching him all day.

He reached out to some headhunters but they said they can only help with the same type of intense traditional finance gig he was in before. Will keep trying with this.

I'm a writer and I help with the cover letters, so yes, they are personalized and pretty good.

I got a masters (many years ago) at HYPS-type school and it was such a scam. Fun time, learned a lot, ZERO career support or opportunities. I know several other people with similar stories. So that's why I'm wary about the Masters route. Maybe the MBA would be better.

I felt sorry for your DH until I read that part! Why did he choose to have a kid with you when he's 'bothered by noise'? I would tell him, suck it up buttercup!

Seriously! A whole 3 hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am grateful to see so many helpful replies.

Several people asking about quitting a job without having a new one lined up: He didn't have time to job search while working. Also, he was exhausted and needed a few months off. A decade of 80-hour weeks will do that to you.

If I work, what I make will just barely cover the childcare (kid is too young for school). DH is already miserable watching kid for 3-4 hours a day while I do my freelance stuff. Our kiddo is great, but loud and strong-willed and a terrible sleeper. DH is all about calm and order, noise really bothers him (it's like a sensory thing) and cannot deal with watching him all day.

He reached out to some headhunters but they said they can only help with the same type of intense traditional finance gig he was in before. Will keep trying with this.

I'm a writer and I help with the cover letters, so yes, they are personalized and pretty good.

I got a masters (many years ago) at HYPS-type school and it was such a scam. Fun time, learned a lot, ZERO career support or opportunities. I know several other people with similar stories. So that's why I'm wary about the Masters route. Maybe the MBA would be better.

I felt sorry for your DH until I read that part! Why did he choose to have a kid with you when he's 'bothered by noise'? I would tell him, suck it up buttercup!

Seriously! A whole 3 hours?

I don't buy it. OP I'd looking for an excuse not to get a full time job. She certainly should not be arguing that DH should if she's not willing to.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has worked high level roles in 'name brand' national nonprofits, I must caution you and your DH: they can be incredibly, incredibly toxic workplaces. There are plenty of these roles with great salaries (check out the 990s of any big nonprofit), but having worked in private sector and in nonprofits, if you think the leaders of nonprofits are, on the whole, less sociopathic than those in the private sector, you are completely wrong.

Like PPs have said, there is a wide range of jobs between a soul sucking 80/week and 'good guy' nonprofit work. He needs to be targeting those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk OP.

OP here. You get the award for most constructive comment in the thread

Kudos for still having your sense of humor!

I tend to agree that he needs to keep trying with recruiters. Also, maybe an executive coach? I have done a few session with a career/executive coach and found it invaluable. They helped me distill my goals and WHY those were my goals, helped me prepare an elevator speech, etc.

I don't know about more school/debt. It really depends.

And he has to figure out how to build a network. If he wants to go into a particular non-profit field there has to be a reason why and there has to be somewhere this type of non-profit's work is advertised or observed. He should be attending those events, even if it's virtual. Follow people on Twitter to understand what's happening in the field. Read reports, whatever. And people like to talk about themselves. I haven't been in the job market in a million jillion years, but I assume the concept of an informational interview is still viable. Don't cold call or cold e-mail asking if the target non-profit has a job. Research and e-mail the relevant person at the organization because you are researching the field for a possible career change. Then ask that person who else he should talk to. People like doing this stuff. Unless he's trying to get hired at an intelligence agency, it should work.

Thanks! The coaching is an interesting idea, I've passed it on. About the networking, you'd be surprised...just the other day he came across a post from a person at one of his dream employers while reading her Twitter. It basically started with "every week, multiple random people email me for informational interviews. I do not have time to talk to you. Please stop." At the conferences he's attended, the people who are willing to talk are the ones who are also job searching or trying to sell something (both virtual and in person). Side note: I have been to a few networking events (virtual and in-person) and regardless of industry, it's the same thing. Tons of people who need a job or want to sell something mobbing the few "powerful"/high-influence people in the room.

The networking that works is friends-of-friends (or friends-of-colleagues). They are willing to talk because there's a personal connection and then they introduce you to someone else who is willing to talk and so on until you get a job. I've seen it happen, I've even had it happen to me. We're just unlucky here that we don't know anyone who knows anyone in the field and we're total introverts with few friends to begin with. But I feel a lot better after reading this thread about believing in my DH and keeping on trying whatever we can until he can get something he loves. If not, there's always the math tutoring!

PP here - I pay my 8th grade daughter's math tutor $100 an hour. Not a bad gig if you can get it.