Struggling to Support Unemployed Husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who quits a job without a new one lined up?

I did. But we don’t live lavish lifestyles and are generally flexible people (in terms of downsizing lifestyle if/when needed and taking any available employment if/when needed). I plan to return to the workforce in the next couple of years, but who knows? This might be early retirement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not so sure I agree with suggestions to take jobs at minimum wage. It’s kind of hard to go from minimum wage to 200K plus. I’m all for working until he finds another job but don’t do that. Work off books. Try buying and selling. Cars, antiques, eBay. Keep it off books until he finds another high paying job.

Lol, there's no law that he has to put a job on his resume. He could work "on the books" at Target or Harris Teeter or whatever and just not include it in experience.... However, I do agree it's probably not worth it - those jobs are demanding and they're quite low-reward in terms of compensation/benefits. He absolutely will not want to come home from a full day on his feet dealing with customers to work on job hunting. His time would be better spent trying to get work or further education (I agree with the other posters who say mid-30s isn't too late! Executive MBAs are specifically meant for people in that age range, and there are always professional certificates he could work toward).



Also, to OP - Has he tried a head hunter? I work in finance (at a non-profit!) and was placed through a head hunter. It's very typical in this field that the jobs aren't even posted publicly.

Here’s the problem with your level of thinking. Almost every company in America does a background investigation. Especially for a high level job. If he’s being paid on the books there will be a record of it, not to mention when the company doing the background check discovers this he’ll be viewed as dishonest.

Omitting a short term and irrelevant gig from your resume is not being dishonest. When the offer is made, subject to passing the background check, and he has to list all the past employments, then he can list Target.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am grateful to see so many helpful replies.

Several people asking about quitting a job without having a new one lined up: He didn't have time to job search while working. Also, he was exhausted and needed a few months off. A decade of 80-hour weeks will do that to you.

If I work, what I make will just barely cover the childcare (kid is too young for school). DH is already miserable watching kid for 3-4 hours a day while I do my freelance stuff. Our kiddo is great, but loud and strong-willed and a terrible sleeper. DH is all about calm and order, noise really bothers him (it's like a sensory thing) and cannot deal with watching him all day.

He reached out to some headhunters but they said they can only help with the same type of intense traditional finance gig he was in before. Will keep trying with this.

I'm a writer and I help with the cover letters, so yes, they are personalized and pretty good.

I got a masters (many years ago) at HYPS-type school and it was such a scam. Fun time, learned a lot, ZERO career support or opportunities. I know several other people with similar stories. So that's why I'm wary about the Masters route. Maybe the MBA would be better.

He should go back to the same type of job he had...with the idea that he will keep looking for a different job he wants, and when he gets that job, then quit when he already has another job lined up. Oh, and an MBA is a master's.
Rather than quitting, he could have taken a vacation to apply for jobs...not quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk OP.

OP here. You get the award for most constructive comment in the thread

Kudos for still having your sense of humor!

I tend to agree that he needs to keep trying with recruiters. Also, maybe an executive coach? I have done a few session with a career/executive coach and found it invaluable. They helped me distill my goals and WHY those were my goals, helped me prepare an elevator speech, etc.

I don't know about more school/debt. It really depends.

And he has to figure out how to build a network. If he wants to go into a particular non-profit field there has to be a reason why and there has to be somewhere this type of non-profit's work is advertised or observed. He should be attending those events, even if it's virtual. Follow people on Twitter to understand what's happening in the field. Read reports, whatever. And people like to talk about themselves. I haven't been in the job market in a million jillion years, but I assume the concept of an informational interview is still viable. Don't cold call or cold e-mail asking if the target non-profit has a job. Research and e-mail the relevant person at the organization because you are researching the field for a possible career change. Then ask that person who else he should talk to. People like doing this stuff. Unless he's trying to get hired at an intelligence agency, it should work.

Thanks! The coaching is an interesting idea, I've passed it on. About the networking, you'd be surprised...just the other day he came across a post from a person at one of his dream employers while reading her Twitter. It basically started with "every week, multiple random people email me for informational interviews. I do not have time to talk to you. Please stop." At the conferences he's attended, the people who are willing to talk are the ones who are also job searching or trying to sell something (both virtual and in person). Side note: I have been to a few networking events (virtual and in-person) and regardless of industry, it's the same thing. Tons of people who need a job or want to sell something mobbing the few "powerful"/high-influence people in the room.

The networking that works is friends-of-friends (or friends-of-colleagues). They are willing to talk because there's a personal connection and then they introduce you to someone else who is willing to talk and so on until you get a job. I've seen it happen, I've even had it happen to me. We're just unlucky here that we don't know anyone who knows anyone in the field and we're total introverts with few friends to begin with. But I feel a lot better after reading this thread about believing in my DH and keeping on trying whatever we can until he can get something he loves. If not, there's always the math tutoring!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who quits a job without a new one lined up?

both my DH and I did and it worked out fine. I realize that not everyone is as lucky, though.

[Anonymous]

My suggestion would be to explore the MBA or a certificate program. He’s not too old, it explains the gap in employment nicely, and their career offices will be able to help land job opportunities. Has he connected with his undergraduate career office? That also may be an Avenue.

[Anonymous]

Oh one more thing, is it possible to volunteer part-time in the field he wants to be in while continuing to look for work?

[Anonymous]

My MBA-possessing husband was laid off in 2008 during the recession and has never held a full time job since. He has: taken classes to update his skills, volunteered, taken one-off jobs in his field (business, reporting and data analysis) to get his foot in the door, submitted resumes to every temp agency in the DMV, received coaching, attempted to start a small business, and made it to the final round of so many jobs that I've lost count. He's never had a single offer. In 13 years. He is a loving, stay-at-home dad, constantly in pursuit of a job. I tell you this because perhaps you can say to yourself "well, at least I'm not HER". But also to let you know - you must (if you can) get a full time job and assume that you are the primary breadwinner. Full stop. You cannot rely on another person to support you financially because sometimes they just can't, (for whatever reason) and this is something you don't control. Lastly, please do not share this with your husband - I'm sure he's already depressed enough. I know mine is.

[Anonymous]

So he quit during a pandemic? Not good.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to stop thinking that he either needs to work a life destroying finance job or a do gooder one. Every company in America has finance people. Mine does and they aren’t killing themselves or saving the spotted owl. He needs to just apply for normal jobs, get back on track, make a decent salary and live his life.

[Anonymous]

Restaurants are hiring, he can make ca $1000 a week if he runs fast. He can also go back to school. UDC is cheap.
Since he is rich, why not let him live off of his investment income. I invested first time in March/April 2020 and I don't have to work ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you don’t want to work full time because you never planned to support yourself? Sorry, life doesn’t always work according to your plans. If you are concerned about staying afloat, get a job, any job. You’ll quit it eventually when your husband finds something more suitable. And he should pick up some part time gig as well.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband needs to stop thinking that he either needs to work a life destroying finance job or a do gooder one. Every company in America has finance people. Mine does and they aren’t killing themselves or saving the spotted owl. He needs to just apply for normal jobs, get back on track, make a decent salary and live his life.

That's good advice but I've gotta think OP and her DH have already considered this option.

[Anonymous]

He quit his job when you don’t even work full time??

He should’ve kept his job while looking for another job. My God.

[Anonymous]

So he doesn’t want to take care of his own kid and he also isn’t willing to take a job in finance so that he can help financially support his family. That’s not OK. He needs to do one or the other. You should go back to work full-time and refuse to put the kid in daycare and that will motivate him to get a job so that he doesn’t have to take care of the kid.