Struggling to Support Unemployed Husband

[Anonymous]

Who quits a job without a new one lined up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not so sure I agree with suggestions to take jobs at minimum wage. It’s kind of hard to go from minimum wage to 200K plus. I’m all for working until he finds another job but don’t do that. Work off books. Try buying and selling. Cars, antiques, eBay. Keep it off books until he finds another high paying job.

Lol, there's no law that he has to put a job on his resume. He could work "on the books" at Target or Harris Teeter or whatever and just not include it in experience.... However, I do agree it's probably not worth it - those jobs are demanding and they're quite low-reward in terms of compensation/benefits. He absolutely will not want to come home from a full day on his feet dealing with customers to work on job hunting. His time would be better spent trying to get work or further education (I agree with the other posters who say mid-30s isn't too late! Executive MBAs are specifically meant for people in that age range, and there are always professional certificates he could work toward).



Also, to OP - Has he tried a head hunter? I work in finance (at a non-profit!) and was placed through a head hunter. It's very typical in this field that the jobs aren't even posted publicly.

Here’s the problem with your level of thinking. Almost every company in America does a background investigation. Especially for a high level job. If he’s being paid on the books there will be a record of it, not to mention when the company doing the background check discovers this he’ll be viewed as dishonest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who quits a job without a new one lined up?

One who actually got fired?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH quit his finance job after almost a decade. He was really good at it and made a ton of money but had grown tired of the intense pace and long hours, and wanted to do something more meaningful. The idea was to take a break for a few months and get a less-intense job, still using his finance skills but in a nonprofit setting. He did the research on the kind of work he wanted to do, identified potential employers and roles, it is a growing field so seemed like a good plan. I was supportive of his idea, I could see he was totally exhausted and missed having him around (we have a young kid who barely saw him).

Well, a year later, he is still unemployed. His prior job was really niche and we're guessing employers don't think the experience transfers well. Everyone says to network, but he doesn't have a network - he's belatedly realizing that he neglected this, it wasn't necessary for his last job and it's not really his skill set. He's tried conferences, cold-emailing people, pro bono work in his target sector to show his interest, everything he can think of. Obviously the pandemic doesn't help.

Until recently, we were trying to focus on the positive, but after the last set of resumes sent into the void with no response, he's feeling quite hopeless and doesn't know what to do. He is leaning on me for support, but honestly, I feel hopeless too. He's tried everything with zero success. The niche he was working in before is a dying field, so even if he could handle the hours again, there's not much opportunity to go back there. He wants to go back to school, but I think mid-30s is too late and I don't want several more years with no income, plus there's no guarantee that a master's degree will help him break into the field. We have savings but we're going through them.

He really doesn't want to be a SAHD and I don't want to work full-time. I do freelance work and bring in some money. My experience is in a really low-paying field and we never planned to rely on me as primary earner.

We're fighting a lot about this, I feel resentful that he can't get a job and I hate that my friends pity us. I don't see a way out. We tried counseling but it's not really helpful. He doesn't have family (they passed) or friends (his friendships mostly disappeared because he was working all the time), so he has no one else to lean on but me.

By the way, we got together before he was rich and had a fancy job in finance. I am fine with him earning a lot less in the nonprofit sector. The problem is that he can't get a job, period.

He's probably a bit resentful of this position, by the way. It's pretty snotty of you to assume HE is the one who has to do something he doesn't want to do but you should be able to continue freelancing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who quits a job without a new one lined up?

One who actually got fired?

Eh, I know people who quit thinking they were hot stuff and could take a few months off. People post on here all the time thinking to just quit a job they hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not so sure I agree with suggestions to take jobs at minimum wage. It’s kind of hard to go from minimum wage to 200K plus. I’m all for working until he finds another job but don’t do that. Work off books. Try buying and selling. Cars, antiques, eBay. Keep it off books until he finds another high paying job.

Lol, there's no law that he has to put a job on his resume. He could work "on the books" at Target or Harris Teeter or whatever and just not include it in experience.... However, I do agree it's probably not worth it - those jobs are demanding and they're quite low-reward in terms of compensation/benefits. He absolutely will not want to come home from a full day on his feet dealing with customers to work on job hunting. His time would be better spent trying to get work or further education (I agree with the other posters who say mid-30s isn't too late! Executive MBAs are specifically meant for people in that age range, and there are always professional certificates he could work toward).



Also, to OP - Has he tried a head hunter? I work in finance (at a non-profit!) and was placed through a head hunter. It's very typical in this field that the jobs aren't even posted publicly.

Here’s the problem with your level of thinking. Almost every company in America does a background investigation. Especially for a high level job. If he’s being paid on the books there will be a record of it, not to mention when the company doing the background check discovers this he’ll be viewed as dishonest.

If it's off the books how would there be a record? Imagine he fixes friends cars off the books as a side hustle. Or, he tutors college kids in math off the books. How would this be found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who quits a job without a new one lined up?

One who actually got fired?

Isn't quitting different from being fired?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not so sure I agree with suggestions to take jobs at minimum wage. It’s kind of hard to go from minimum wage to 200K plus. I’m all for working until he finds another job but don’t do that. Work off books. Try buying and selling. Cars, antiques, eBay. Keep it off books until he finds another high paying job.

Lol, there's no law that he has to put a job on his resume. He could work "on the books" at Target or Harris Teeter or whatever and just not include it in experience.... However, I do agree it's probably not worth it - those jobs are demanding and they're quite low-reward in terms of compensation/benefits. He absolutely will not want to come home from a full day on his feet dealing with customers to work on job hunting. His time would be better spent trying to get work or further education (I agree with the other posters who say mid-30s isn't too late! Executive MBAs are specifically meant for people in that age range, and there are always professional certificates he could work toward).



Also, to OP - Has he tried a head hunter? I work in finance (at a non-profit!) and was placed through a head hunter. It's very typical in this field that the jobs aren't even posted publicly.

Here’s the problem with your level of thinking. Almost every company in America does a background investigation. Especially for a high level job. If he’s being paid on the books there will be a record of it, not to mention when the company doing the background check discovers this he’ll be viewed as dishonest.

Omitting a short term and irrelevant gig from your resume is not being dishonest. When the offer is made, subject to passing the background check, and he has to list all the past employments, then he can list Target.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am grateful to see so many helpful replies.

Several people asking about quitting a job without having a new one lined up: He didn't have time to job search while working. Also, he was exhausted and needed a few months off. A decade of 80-hour weeks will do that to you.

If I work, what I make will just barely cover the childcare (kid is too young for school). DH is already miserable watching kid for 3-4 hours a day while I do my freelance stuff. Our kiddo is great, but loud and strong-willed and a terrible sleeper. DH is all about calm and order, noise really bothers him (it's like a sensory thing) and cannot deal with watching him all day.

He reached out to some headhunters but they said they can only help with the same type of intense traditional finance gig he was in before. Will keep trying with this.

I'm a writer and I help with the cover letters, so yes, they are personalized and pretty good.

I got a masters (many years ago) at HYPS-type school and it was such a scam. Fun time, learned a lot, ZERO career support or opportunities. I know several other people with similar stories. So that's why I'm wary about the Masters route. Maybe the MBA would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk OP.

OP here. You get the award for most constructive comment in the thread

[Anonymous]

So many nonprofits want volunteers...try establishing a network that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am grateful to see so many helpful replies.

Several people asking about quitting a job without having a new one lined up: He didn't have time to job search while working. Also, he was exhausted and needed a few months off. A decade of 80-hour weeks will do that to you.

If I work, what I make will just barely cover the childcare (kid is too young for school). DH is already miserable watching kid for 3-4 hours a day while I do my freelance stuff. Our kiddo is great, but loud and strong-willed and a terrible sleeper. DH is all about calm and order, noise really bothers him (it's like a sensory thing) and cannot deal with watching him all day.

He reached out to some headhunters but they said they can only help with the same type of intense traditional finance gig he was in before. Will keep trying with this.

I'm a writer and I help with the cover letters, so yes, they are personalized and pretty good.

I got a masters (many years ago) at HYPS-type school and it was such a scam. Fun time, learned a lot, ZERO career support or opportunities. I know several other people with similar stories. So that's why I'm wary about the Masters route. Maybe the MBA would be better.

You really wouldn't make much more than covering daycare for one kid (i.e. less than $1,800 per month or maybe a little more if you include tax withholding)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is he?? I run a nonprofit and we would love to hire someone with this background, but we are not very big so don’t have as much resources to spend on recruiting so usually source from our immediate network. Where does he hang out? What online groups is he part of? I think you should think of this mostly as a “matching” problem and not a “no one wants me” problem.

I'm very intrigued. He spends a lot of time on LinkedIn looking for jobs and potential contacts, but networking is not his strength (and not mine either, so I don't even know how to help him). If you would like to see his resume and explore if it might be interesting for you (or just give feedback on how his resume looks to a nonprofit person), you can reach me at [e-mail] and I'll connect you (don't really want to post real info publicly). His pro bono role was on the leadership team of a small nonprofit

On that note, if anyone else is feeling kind and can offer resume feedback or tips for getting into "good guy finance" roles - perhaps you can save a career AND a relationship with just a few minutes of your time, and how often does an opportunity like that come along

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am grateful to see so many helpful replies.

Several people asking about quitting a job without having a new one lined up: He didn't have time to job search while working. Also, he was exhausted and needed a few months off. A decade of 80-hour weeks will do that to you.

If I work, what I make will just barely cover the childcare (kid is too young for school). DH is already miserable watching kid for 3-4 hours a day while I do my freelance stuff. Our kiddo is great, but loud and strong-willed and a terrible sleeper. DH is all about calm and order, noise really bothers him (it's like a sensory thing) and cannot deal with watching him all day.

He reached out to some headhunters but they said they can only help with the same type of intense traditional finance gig he was in before. Will keep trying with this.

I'm a writer and I help with the cover letters, so yes, they are personalized and pretty good.

I got a masters (many years ago) at HYPS-type school and it was such a scam. Fun time, learned a lot, ZERO career support or opportunities. I know several other people with similar stories. So that's why I'm wary about the Masters route. Maybe the MBA would be better.

Ok. So he CAN get a job - it's just a similar job to his old job, which he doesn't want.

Is there a certification he could get that would help? CPA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk OP.

OP here. You get the award for most constructive comment in the thread

Kudos for still having your sense of humor!

I tend to agree that he needs to keep trying with recruiters. Also, maybe an executive coach? I have done a few session with a career/executive coach and found it invaluable. They helped me distill my goals and WHY those were my goals, helped me prepare an elevator speech, etc.

I don't know about more school/debt. It really depends.

And he has to figure out how to build a network. If he wants to go into a particular non-profit field there has to be a reason why and there has to be somewhere this type of non-profit's work is advertised or observed. He should be attending those events, even if it's virtual. Follow people on Twitter to understand what's happening in the field. Read reports, whatever. And people like to talk about themselves. I haven't been in the job market in a million jillion years, but I assume the concept of an informational interview is still viable. Don't cold call or cold e-mail asking if the target non-profit has a job. Research and e-mail the relevant person at the organization because you are researching the field for a possible career change. Then ask that person who else he should talk to. People like doing this stuff. Unless he's trying to get hired at an intelligence agency, it should work.