Struggling to Support Unemployed Husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband needs to stop thinking that he either needs to work a life destroying finance job or a do gooder one. Every company in America has finance people. Mine does and they aren’t killing themselves or saving the spotted owl. He needs to just apply for normal jobs, get back on track, make a decent salary and live his life.

That's good advice but I've gotta think OP and her DH have already considered this option.

I’m thinking they aren’t in this mindset because a page back or so she was asking for advice on how to make his resume look good for “good guy finance roles.” He doesn’t need to work at a non profit to be a good guy. He can work a non-evil job, provide for his family (as should she) and spend time with his kid.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM. Haven't worked for 15 years. My DH is not struggling to support me. In fact he is happy to support me.

If you intend to continue working then don't quit without another job offer in hand.

There is a big difference between quitting work (like me) or finding a new job.

Still, it is pandemic and it is an unusual time. Remain supportive and find the positive in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Op, what type of finance work? Does director of Finance in a non profit be of interest to your husband?
United way of Capital dc has a job openings on their website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what type of finance work? Does director of Finance in a non profit be of interest to your husband?
United way of Capital dc has a job openings on their website.

Am OP. He is trying to cast a wide net. Any company or fund doing any kind of impact investing related, CFO or director of finance at a nonprofit, etc. I will pass on the info about United Way, thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MBA-possessing husband was laid off in 2008 during the recession and has never held a full time job since. He has: taken classes to update his skills, volunteered, taken one-off jobs in his field (business, reporting and data analysis) to get his foot in the door, submitted resumes to every temp agency in the DMV, received coaching, attempted to start a small business, and made it to the final round of so many jobs that I've lost count. He's never had a single offer. In 13 years. He is a loving, stay-at-home dad, constantly in pursuit of a job. I tell you this because perhaps you can say to yourself "well, at least I'm not HER". But also to let you know - you must (if you can) get a full time job and assume that you are the primary breadwinner. Full stop. You cannot rely on another person to support you financially because sometimes they just can't, (for whatever reason) and this is something you don't control. Lastly, please do not share this with your husband - I'm sure he's already depressed enough. I know mine is.

Am OP. Trust me, I am not thinking "well, at least I'm not her". I am so impressed with your attitude and clearly have a lot to learn from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he quit during a pandemic? Not good.

No. He put in notice before the pandemic and then it happened just as he quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH quit his finance job after almost a decade. He was really good at it and made a ton of money but had grown tired of the intense pace and long hours, and wanted to do something more meaningful. The idea was to take a break for a few months and get a less-intense job, still using his finance skills but in a nonprofit setting. He did the research on the kind of work he wanted to do, identified potential employers and roles, it is a growing field so seemed like a good plan. I was supportive of his idea, I could see he was totally exhausted and missed having him around (we have a young kid who barely saw him).

Well, a year later, he is still unemployed. His prior job was really niche and we're guessing employers don't think the experience transfers well. Everyone says to network, but he doesn't have a network - he's belatedly realizing that he neglected this, it wasn't necessary for his last job and it's not really his skill set. He's tried conferences, cold-emailing people, pro bono work in his target sector to show his interest, everything he can think of. Obviously the pandemic doesn't help.

Until recently, we were trying to focus on the positive, but after the last set of resumes sent into the void with no response, he's feeling quite hopeless and doesn't know what to do. He is leaning on me for support, but honestly, I feel hopeless too. He's tried everything with zero success. The niche he was working in before is a dying field, so even if he could handle the hours again, there's not much opportunity to go back there. He wants to go back to school, but I think mid-30s is too late and I don't want several more years with no income, plus there's no guarantee that a master's degree will help him break into the field. We have savings but we're going through them.

He really doesn't want to be a SAHD and I don't want to work full-time. I do freelance work and bring in some money. My experience is in a really low-paying field and we never planned to rely on me as primary earner.

We're fighting a lot about this, I feel resentful that he can't get a job and I hate that my friends pity us. I don't see a way out. We tried counseling but it's not really helpful. He doesn't have family (they passed) or friends (his friendships mostly disappeared because he was working all the time), so he has no one else to lean on but me.

By the way, we got together before he was rich and had a fancy job in finance. I am fine with him earning a lot less in the nonprofit sector. The problem is that he can't get a job, period.

Sorry, OP, this is tough. Seems like some family counseling to help you both prioritize and figure out what you really want to do next could be helpful?

By the way, the idea that he is too old to go back to school for a masters in his mid-thirties is absurd! He has another 30 years of work-life ahead of him. From what you describe, he needs to update and adapt his skills in a new way. This may be just the time for more education.

I agree. My SIL went to law school in his 30’s. He’s very successful. I think your DH really needs more education in a more vital field.

[Anonymous]

My brother lost his job (company folded) 4 years ago at 54 yrs old. Kids are still in college, wife is about to retire in 2 months with no pension. No savings due to a series of bad luck. Hardworking, skilled, and a good person. My heart aches for him. House is paid off. Some inheritance is coming his way which is equivalent of 10 years of earning. If I give him my share too, it will be 15 - 20 yrs of salary on todays money.

He is now making money be investing in stocks. Enough that he can provide for his family. He has realized that at his age and his last salary, no one will hire him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh one more thing, is it possible to volunteer part-time in the field he wants to be in while continuing to look for work?

Yep, he's been volunteering part-time in the field. Learned a lot but no job.

He's worked closely with his undergrad admissions office. Lots of advice from them, but no job.

He has done all the things one is supposed to do, but ... no job.

I guess that's life though, you can do all the right things and still fail. I just thought that if you're really smart and worked really hard and have an Ivy league degree and were incredibly successful at a challenging job with stellar references, then it wouldn't be so hard. Our classmates from college don't seem to be struggling (to be fair, they probably did a better job building networks while we were introverts with a really small circle of friends).
I know plenty of people who have quit jobs without having another one lined up (they call it funemployment) and easily got back into the workforce.

Ultimately of course the answer is just to get a job that he doesn't really like (and there's been some interesting suggestions in this thread, ranging from corporate finance to waiting tables) but I guess he's not ready to give up on his dream yet. So I need to do a better job supporting him for a while longer.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to do some temp work for the time being until he can get a full time job or go back to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what type of finance work? Does director of Finance in a non profit be of interest to your husband?
United way of Capital dc has a job openings on their website.

Am OP. He is trying to cast a wide net. Any company or fund doing any kind of impact investing related, CFO or director of finance at a nonprofit, etc. I will pass on the info about United Way, thank you!!

Good Lord. Honey, those are dream jobs. He needs to talk to the head hunters about getting another job in finance and go back to work and start looking for his dream job from there.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t believe he cannot get another job in Finance without working 80 hours a week. My medical doctor husband didn’t work those hours.....but close occasionally.

[Anonymous]

Your husband honestly needs to realize that the kinds of jobs he’s trying to get are very difficult to obtain, even if one has connections (which he does not) or has prior non profit finance experience (which he does not). The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. This plan didn’t work. That’s fine. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Get a new plan. Could be finance job more related to his past experience but with a better work life balance. Not the same exact industry, but an easier slide than straight to a non profit. Could be law school. But he and you cannot just keep on with this plan that clearly isn’t going to be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what type of finance work? Does director of Finance in a non profit be of interest to your husband?
United way of Capital dc has a job openings on their website.

Am OP. He is trying to cast a wide net. Any company or fund doing any kind of impact investing related, CFO or director of finance at a nonprofit, etc. I will pass on the info about United Way, thank you!!

Good Lord. Honey, those are dream jobs. He needs to talk to the head hunters about getting another job in finance and go back to work and start looking for his dream job from there.

Haha this.... he thinks he should get hired to lead a nonprofit’s finances with 0 experience in nonprofits? FWIW, nonprofit finance is different from for-profit finance.... he should at minimum look into some professional certs in the area. He’s simply not qualified for those roles based on what little we’ve been told on this board.

[Anonymous]

If he’s getting to final round interviews he probably is qualified actually. I think something is wrong with this interviewing.