Where do private schools really get you in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

You win; you’ve made the right choice. Private schools are a total waste of money. Most of the children in them are below average and they will have emotional scars that your children will have escaped. All of us who choose to spend significant portions of our income on private schools are fools who are just wasting money. Because obviously anyone who spends their money that way are just status conscious assholes who don’t care about our children.

Does that make you feel better? Happy to help!

You’re not a fool if you have a lot of money to spend. You are if it’s causing you not to save enough for retirement or college. You’re a fool if the kid has to take out loans for college or grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

And yet, here you are, having succeeded enough in life to send your children to private schools that cost $50k/yrs. Term us again about what a bad start you had in life and how terribly you've suffered?

[Anonymous]

*Tell us again

[Anonymous]

Having gone to both and also worked at both, I think this is actually a pretty important philosophical decision. If you think there is essentially only one narrow path to success in life, and that the stakes are extremely high in this zero-sum game of a world, spend your money on private school. If you think there are many possible successful futures for your child, and you have faith that they will find them with hard work in their own time, save your money and send them to public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having gone to both and also worked at both, I think this is actually a pretty important philosophical decision. If you think there is essentially only one narrow path to success in life, and that the stakes are extremely high in this zero-sum game of a world, spend your money on private school. If you think there are many possible successful futures for your child, and you have faith that they will find them with hard work in their own time, save your money and send them to public school.

And be flexible enough to switch when things aren't working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having gone to both and also worked at both, I think this is actually a pretty important philosophical decision. If you think there is essentially only one narrow path to success in life, and that the stakes are extremely high in this zero-sum game of a world, spend your money on private school. If you think there are many possible successful futures for your child, and you have faith that they will find them with hard work in their own time, save your money and send them to public school.

Or, you can choose not to sweat the destination and decide whether public or private will provide the best journey/experience for your particular child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

You win; you’ve made the right choice. Private schools are a total waste of money. Most of the children in them are below average and they will have emotional scars that your children will have escaped. All of us who choose to spend significant portions of our income on private schools are fools who are just wasting money. Because obviously anyone who spends their money that way are just status conscious assholes who don’t care about our children.

Does that make you feel better? Happy to help!

OP here. I feel fine. Not sure why you think I felt bad about any of this. I have one kid in private snd another headed there. Obviously I think it is worth the money. I was coming at this from a philosophical stand point because all of the recent negative articles I’ve read over parents freaking out about elite private schools. I was wondering if that was real advantage in life or if this is an imagined leg up. I was wondering if an “elite” school versus a “private school” vs. a “public school” was really worth it with long term outcomes. I am a private school parent and think they are great. I am just wondering about all the hand wringing. You sound like a negative bitter sack.

[Anonymous]

I’m a bit awed at how much work my private school puts in to stop the middle school bullying. Kids have developing social skills and without intervention it can be terrible for the victims. Thanks to the private school here it’s artificial but I’m so glad bullying is stopped.

[Anonymous]

Here in the DMV (and NYC) - the high school that you attend matters. In terms of connections and opportunities down the road for your child - it will matter. That is the bottom line. Is the education better than a top public? I don't know.

I know adult men who own and wear clothing with their high school insignia on it. It is what it is.

So, OP, you will spend a ton of money. Maybe it will matter for your child - maybe it won't. At the end of the day - private school is an opportunity - what a student does with it down the road is their call. Which is like every other opportunity in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
But you really have to have a lot of money not to stretch for it. The top privates in this area costs more than 50k in after tax dollars, so you're having to gross, what, 75k per year per kid for that? When I was a partner in Biglaw I knew many partners who were spending $150k-$200k a year in after tax dollars for literally decades to educate their families from K through college. Quite literally millions of dollars in pre-tax earnings. That's a stretch even for wealthy people. Yes, in the end this resulted in more frequent admissions to top private colleges (not always Ivy, though), but adulthood really is the great equalizer. We went the public school and state college route, and as a result I was able to retire 15 years early. On top of that, the younger children of the partners I used to work with now reach out to my highly successful kids to network in the same fields.

A lot of these schoosl start at 3rd grade so that's 10 years * $50k = $500k in present-day money. Add college at $50k*4 = $700k total.

Can you earn $700k over 14 years? (Ok I ignored present value for simplicity).

There's a decent chance an older relative or your parents will pass away during that time -- there's one source of funding. In our case, they feel strongly about education and we pointed out why wait until they have passed away to give that to our kids, so they are pre-funding 529s now in our kids names to cover it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a real misconception that people choose or should choose private schools for college acceptances. Choose the school because it’s the kind of secondary education you want your child to have. If you have a good public option, why not take it? Absolutely your child can thrive in either.

We did not have a good public option, so our choices were move or private. Private made sense for us. It sounds like it may not make sense for you

I’m a product of public school. Not ashamed or embarrassed but wanted a better education for my children. My kids are at a top DC private. They are getting a truly outstanding education - something I didn’t have. Most public schools are inferior. No judgment, and it is what it is. Yes, I’d love for them to have a leg up in college admissions but they likely won’t. However, I feel confident that when they are out in the world they will be better educated than about 90-95 percent of the population. It’s already obvious when they around peers that haven’t had the same opportunities. They operate at a different level so for me it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

Most of the kids at the schools are born on third and the parents still want to buy them a triple and don’t want them around kids who can’t hang around third base. And they like the beautiful facilities and rarified sports teams etc. They would be on third base at many public schools in the area as well. And many kids at these schools are very similar but the parents paying for privates will never think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

And yet, here you are, having succeeded enough in life to send your children to private schools that cost $50k/yrs. Term us again about what a bad start you had in life and how terribly you've suffered?

My career is in shambles. I married well, and spouse had nothing to do with my schooling (friend of a friend introduced us).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here in the DMV (and NYC) - the high school that you attend matters. In terms of connections and opportunities down the road for your child - it will matter. That is the bottom line. Is the education better than a top public? I don't know.

I know adult men who own and wear clothing with their high school insignia on it. It is what it is.

So, OP, you will spend a ton of money. Maybe it will matter for your child - maybe it won't. At the end of the day - private school is an opportunity - what a student does with it down the road is their call. Which is like every other opportunity in life.

We must live in different cities. I've seen no evidence of this, neither in my case (where I was a partner in one of the most prestigious law firms in town) nor in the case of any of my public-school educated children. Is there some rarified place hidden somewhere in the DMV that only the Big 3 grads know about and are hiding from the rest of us?

This is the USA. Not the UK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But you really have to have a lot of money not to stretch for it. The top privates in this area costs more than 50k in after tax dollars, so you're having to gross, what, 75k per year per kid for that? When I was a partner in Biglaw I knew many partners who were spending $150k-$200k a year in after tax dollars for literally decades to educate their families from K through college. Quite literally millions of dollars in pre-tax earnings. That's a stretch even for wealthy people. Yes, in the end this resulted in more frequent admissions to top private colleges (not always Ivy, though), but adulthood really is the great equalizer. We went the public school and state college route, and as a result I was able to retire 15 years early. On top of that, the younger children of the partners I used to work with now reach out to my highly successful kids to network in the same fields.

A lot of these schoosl start at 3rd grade so that's 10 years * $50k = $500k in present-day money. Add college at $50k*4 = $700k total.

Can you earn $700k over 14 years? (Ok I ignored present value for simplicity).

There's a decent chance an older relative or your parents will pass away during that time -- there's one source of funding. In our case, they feel strongly about education and we pointed out why wait until they have passed away to give that to our kids, so they are pre-funding 529s now in our kids names to cover it.

1. Most families have more than one child.

2. I said pre-tax.

3. $700k post-tax is $1 million pre-tax, conservatively.

4. 2 kids times $1 million each equals $2 million.

5. 2 million is, as I said "quite literally millions."