Where do private schools really get you in life?

[Anonymous]

I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a real misconception that people choose or should choose private schools for college acceptances. Choose the school because it’s the kind of secondary education you want your child to have. If you have a good public option, why not take it? Absolutely your child can thrive in either.

We did not have a good public option, so our choices were move or private. Private made sense for us. It sounds like it may not make sense for you

[Anonymous]

The same place as many publics, especially the highly ranked ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

Maybe 10-20 years ago but no longer.

Is it worth the expense? Depends entirely on your finances. I think it's worth it ONLY if 50k a year is not a stretch for you. If you have to give up things to make it happen (especially important things like saving for retirement and college), NO it is not worth it at all unless there are special needs or some other special circumstances in play.

It's a luxury for the RICH. Why do people not get this?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your child was looking for a school where he/she would be happy and have a great high school experiences. Sounds like you were looking for "elite school" bragging rights. Get over that. It's certainly up to you whether you want to spend the money at any private school, but the best outcomes in terms of college and such generally occur when the student is at or near the top of the class regardless of whether that's public, Sidwell, or a "lesser private".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

Maybe 10-20 years ago but no longer.

Is it worth the expense? Depends entirely on your finances. I think it's worth it ONLY if 50k a year is not a stretch for you. If you have to give up things to make it happen (especially important things like saving for retirement and college), NO it is not worth it at all unless there are special needs or some other special circumstances in play.

It's a luxury for the RICH. Why do people not get this?

+ 1

It's a case of, if you have to ask...

[Anonymous]

I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

What do you want from us? To tell you that we don’t think private schools matter, just to make you feel better
About getting waitlisted?

You do realize that most people on this board have kids currently enrolled in private right?

[Anonymous]

It's about fit and your child's needs, not about outcomes. If you're interested in Sidwell because of college admissions, you're not choosing a school for the right reasons.

[Anonymous]

You have fallen into a social climbing trap that will turn out the way you dream it will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's about fit and your child's needs, not about outcomes. If you're interested in Sidwell because of college admissions, you're not choosing a school for the right reasons.

Why is this such a bad thing? Don't we all want our kids to go to the best colleges?

We all know the name on your degree matters to getting into the most elite professions.

It is what it is, why can't we just acknowledge that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

Why are elite privates supposed to get you into best universities? That's your take, not everyone else's. (And there are plenty of evidence that it's also not true -- i.e., elite privates do not equal elite universities.) We certainly weren't thinking of top universities when we placed our kids in K. Maybe we were myopic but we were simply looking for a good environment for our children to learn and grow. If you value college placement over actual day to day school experience for your child, maybe the expense of an elite private is not for you. And for the record, I'm not saying that elite private equals better school experience, but we felt that that would be the case for our children and hence our decision. Bright children of certain disposition will thrive at large public schools and eventually, as you seem to allude to, lesser universities. But public schools are not optimal for many.

[Anonymous]

You will get smaller classes, a very good education, opportunity to make friends with some fancy people and some like minded non-fancy people. Does it get you into Ivies? Likely if the kid's parents went to an ivy and the apple didn't fall far from the tree, and is also a good apple as a result. But Ivies are trying to get all those legacy kids in from your private, over your kid with no connection. If your child is academically and socially successful in public, likely easier to get into Ivies as they need to accept stellar public school kids also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.