Where do private schools really get you in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

This is a funny story but to me it is depressing that it underlines how much success in life is determined by personal connections. It’s who you know, you it what you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your child was looking for a school where he/she would be happy and have a great high school experiences. Sounds like you were looking for "elite school" bragging rights. Get over that. It's certainly up to you whether you want to spend the money at any private school, but the best outcomes in terms of college and such generally occur when the student is at or near the top of the class regardless of whether that's public, Sidwell, or a "lesser private".

OP here. Our concerns were more that this particular child needed thr rigor and structure of an elite same sex school to push them to work harder and smarter. After languishing in online DL in a public for a year and a half, my bright kid has developed bad habits from being confined inside to a computer all day and night. We were looking for the structure, rigor and the competitive kick in the pants. The not so competitive school is going to be more fun and a better overall high school experience and we love that but worried that it will not have the rigor and structure kid needs emerging from the pandemic. Our other kid has already been in a sane sex private and it has done wonders for her. Miles better than our public experience and now other kid won’t get sane experience. So wondering, does it matter?

We don’t necessarily want kid to go to an Ivy. But all of this did get me thinking about what any of this means and if it really gets you anywhere in life. Some parents on this board act like getting into these schools is literal life or death. I know why we wanted the school but I want to know why they feel that way. I admit judging. Just curios. What is the thought process? What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your child was looking for a school where he/she would be happy and have a great high school experiences. Sounds like you were looking for "elite school" bragging rights. Get over that. It's certainly up to you whether you want to spend the money at any private school, but the best outcomes in terms of college and such generally occur when the student is at or near the top of the class regardless of whether that's public, Sidwell, or a "lesser private".

OP here. Our concerns were more that this particular child needed thr rigor and structure of an elite same sex school to push them to work harder and smarter. After languishing in online DL in a public for a year and a half, my bright kid has developed bad habits from being confined inside to a computer all day and night. We were looking for the structure, rigor and the competitive kick in the pants. The not so competitive school is going to be more fun and a better overall high school experience and we love that but worried that it will not have the rigor and structure kid needs emerging from the pandemic. Our other kid has already been in a sane sex private and it has done wonders for her. Miles better than our public experience and now other kid won’t get sane experience. So wondering, does it matter?

We don’t necessarily want kid to go to an Ivy. But all of this did get me thinking about what any of this means and if it really gets you anywhere in life. Some parents on this board act like getting into these schools is literal life or death. I know why we wanted the school but I want to know why they feel that way. I admit judging. Just curios. What is the thought process? What am I missing?

I am *nit* judging! Not admit judging! Typing fail with old eyes! Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a privilege to go to the very best private schools O.P. Less than five percent of students go to private schools. The top privates provide a posh + prestigious experience. Students feel valued + are confident. It would be nice if every kid were valued, but they are not.

People always strive for the best. Why does that confuse you. Who would not want to drive a luxury car over an everyday one?

Sure, some publics provide good educations. But they are not elite since anyone can go there.

Because a luxury car costs a ton more than a regular car and it doesn’t get you there any faster in the end. All it does is empty your pockets for somethi8ng that loses value the longer you own it.

Was that really the analogy you were striving for? Because it comes off as you just want to show off. But hey, it’s your money on a 50K tuition, or car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

This is a funny story but to me it is depressing that it underlines how much success in life is determined by personal connections. It’s who you know, you it what you know.

Omg. I did not get that from the PP’s story at all! PP just was persistent and hard working. Those weren’t “connections”! Connections are Daddy’s law partner knows the CEO at CNN and got you the entry level job. This is not that. Don’t confuse hard work and determination for privilege Well earned PPP!
You are the type of person I hope my kid turns out to be, lots of grit. Love your story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Proper grammar. “Where do private schools get you in life?”

Sorry grammar police. I am typing on a phone without glasses. My posts will have lots of typos and incorrect grammar because I can’t see anything right now but need to kill time during sports practice. Sorry to offend your elite sensibilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

This is a funny story but to me it is depressing that it underlines how much success in life is determined by personal connections. It’s who you know, you it what you know.

Omg. I did not get that from the PP’s story at all! PP just was persistent and hard working. Those weren’t “connections”! Connections are Daddy’s law partner knows the CEO at CNN and got you the entry level job. This is not that. Don’t confuse hard work and determination for privilege Well earned PPP!
You are the type of person I hope my kid turns out to be, lots of grit. Love your story.

Did you read the part where the Econ professor got her a scholarship to an mba program just because she asked a supposedly interesting question? That’s weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's about fit and your child's needs, not about outcomes. If you're interested in Sidwell because of college admissions, you're not choosing a school for the right reasons.

Why is this such a bad thing? Don't we all want our kids to go to the best colleges?

We all know the name on your degree matters to getting into the most elite professions.

It is what it is, why can't we just acknowledge that?

I want my kid to go to the best college for him. That's probably not going to be one of the elite, top-ranked schools. That's fine. We chose private for the smaller class size, the social/emotional support, and the school's explicit commitment to anti-racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a privilege to go to the very best private schools O.P. Less than five percent of students go to private schools. The top privates provide a posh + prestigious experience. Students feel valued + are confident. It would be nice if every kid were valued, but they are not.

People always strive for the best. Why does that confuse you. Who would not want to drive a luxury car over an everyday one?

Sure, some publics provide good educations. But they are not elite since anyone can go there.

Because a luxury car costs a ton more than a regular car and it doesn’t get you there any faster in the end. All it does is empty your pockets for somethi8ng that loses value the longer you own it.

Was that really the analogy you were striving for? Because it comes off as you just want to show off. But hey, it’s your money on a 50K tuition, or car.

NP. That’s totally fine if you feel that way about luxury cars. Some people value the increased comfort, build quality, speed, and features, more than they value the money. Both get you where you want to go, as will a city bus. The journey is different, though. If you don’t value the features of a luxury car then absolutely no reason to spend on one. But it seem neutrally true that you won’t have exactly the same experience driving a Dodge as a Lexus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single parent who doesn't earn much compared to people on DCUMs. I chose a private school for my DS because it's a better education all around. That's the reason. He will probably get into the same colleges he would've gotten into if he went to our local public school but he wouldn't be as prepared. Lots of kids who go to our neighborhood public school are not ready for the workload in college and they drop out. I'd rather my son be ready for what's coming especially when it is the most expensive thing I will ever spend my money on.

Same here. Solidarity, single parent who doesn't earn much compared to people on DCUMs!

[Anonymous]

P.S. I personally drive a Toyota Camry. I don’t value luxury cars. I do value a “luxury” education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

You are the definition of a social climber. Such a generalization. Shame on you,

And it's "bored." Not "board." So maybe it your particular case the education really was lackluster.

[Anonymous]

Even if a child coming from public is not prepared, I don't see how a hard-working kid cannot catch up.
It's not like first 2 years of college in US is hard or even 3 and 4. I don't know any of my foreign born friends or international student who were unable to keep up and do it all in English. I went to 3 different colleges in US and they were all easier than my high school. How bad is one US high school if it is even easier than college here?
DC is not going to private because we don't have money (arrived in US not long ago and haven't had time to make money here). DC is the kind of kid who could catch up to his peers in no time. He also doesn't need any particular college to get him a good career. He has so many other ideas and just needs to try them out. He is the kid a company wants regardless where he went to school or if he went to school at all. He has many such kids in his class in our public school, so it's not like he doesn't know what other kids are capable of. I don't see how a college or some rich kids can somehow surprise him with their smarts or work ethic. Quite the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your child was looking for a school where he/she would be happy and have a great high school experiences. Sounds like you were looking for "elite school" bragging rights. Get over that. It's certainly up to you whether you want to spend the money at any private school, but the best outcomes in terms of college and such generally occur when the student is at or near the top of the class regardless of whether that's public, Sidwell, or a "lesser private".

OP here. Our concerns were more that this particular child needed thr rigor and structure of an elite same sex school to push them to work harder and smarter. After languishing in online DL in a public for a year and a half, my bright kid has developed bad habits from being confined inside to a computer all day and night. We were looking for the structure, rigor and the competitive kick in the pants. The not so competitive school is going to be more fun and a better overall high school experience and we love that but worried that it will not have the rigor and structure kid needs emerging from the pandemic. Our other kid has already been in a sane sex private and it has done wonders for her. Miles better than our public experience and now other kid won’t get sane experience. So wondering, does it matter?

We don’t necessarily want kid to go to an Ivy. But all of this did get me thinking about what any of this means and if it really gets you anywhere in life. Some parents on this board act like getting into these schools is literal life or death. I know why we wanted the school but I want to know why they feel that way. I admit judging. Just curios. What is the thought process? What am I missing?

Parents send their kids to private schools for different reasons. Most don’t think it’s life or death or because it gets you into a better college. Some do. For us, we wanted our kids to have smaller classes, a focus on writing, more discussions and less “teaching to the tests.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if a child coming from public is not prepared, I don't see how a hard-working kid cannot catch up.
It's not like first 2 years of college in US is hard or even 3 and 4. I don't know any of my foreign born friends or international student who were unable to keep up and do it all in English. I went to 3 different colleges in US and they were all easier than my high school. How bad is one US high school if it is even easier than college here?
DC is not going to private because we don't have money (arrived in US not long ago and haven't had time to make money here). DC is the kind of kid who could catch up to his peers in no time. He also doesn't need any particular college to get him a good career. He has so many other ideas and just needs to try them out. He is the kid a company wants regardless where he went to school or if he went to school at all. He has many such kids in his class in our public school, so it's not like he doesn't know what other kids are capable of. I don't see how a college or some rich kids can somehow surprise him with their smarts or work ethic. Quite the opposite.

I will gently remind you that not all private school kids are “rich kids”. We never would have been able to send ours without financial aid. But regardless, it sounds like your kid will do great, so congratulations. I don’t think a single person has claimed, though, that a public school education can’t yield a great outcome.