Four Children: All Living on Opposite Coast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing odd about this, OP. Get a life so you don’t have to spend your time ruminating about nothing.

This. It’s not like the old days where generations live within a One mile radius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question, OP. Are you unfamiliar with the concept of people living away from their parents?
My siblings and I came to the US for college right after high school and have settled here permanently since then. Our parents remain in Asia. Do you not know any immigrants?

Totally different situation.

Why would that be different? Both situations involve moving somewhere for better opportunities, for whatever reason the opportunities are better in the new place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a recent thread lambasting parents who let their kids move back home after college where an immigrant commented how puzzling she finds the "American way" sometimes. I'm an American through and through, and I agree with her.

We raised our family in a close-in NOVA suburb. We didn't "discourage" our kids from going to college out west, but it never occurred to them to do that either because they had a nice upbringing here, good parents, great friends from their childhood -- and UVA and other state colleges offering a first rate education. So they went that route. All of them studied abroad and went to grad school out of state. Two lived abroad for a couple years or more after college to volunteer (Peace Corps, etc). In the end, all of the kids settled in DC. Now that they've started families, they have grandparents and siblings who help out. No nannies required. If that means the kids aren't "independent," oh well, that's ok. We're good.

It may not always be that way though if your kids and their spouses are ambitious. I am California born and raised and we moved twice in the last 5 years for job related reasons.

Yea, you're right. There's certainly no opportunities for "ambitious" people in DC.

You...must not be very bright. I moved here, to dc, for a job. So I’m well aware. But 5 years ago, I would have never thought I’d end up here. My point is that for career oriented people, jobs open up all over and internationally - and if you want to be on the fast track, that often means taking the promotion in a different state or even country. In this day and age, most people don’t live their whole life in the same place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a recent thread lambasting parents who let their kids move back home after college where an immigrant commented how puzzling she finds the "American way" sometimes. I'm an American through and through, and I agree with her.

We raised our family in a close-in NOVA suburb. We didn't "discourage" our kids from going to college out west, but it never occurred to them to do that either because they had a nice upbringing here, good parents, great friends from their childhood -- and UVA and other state colleges offering a first rate education. So they went that route. All of them studied abroad and went to grad school out of state. Two lived abroad for a couple years or more after college to volunteer (Peace Corps, etc). In the end, all of the kids settled in DC. Now that they've started families, they have grandparents and siblings who help out. No nannies required. If that means the kids aren't "independent," oh well, that's ok. We're good.

It may not always be that way though if your kids and their spouses are ambitious. I am California born and raised and we moved twice in the last 5 years for job related reasons.

Yea, you're right. There's certainly no opportunities for "ambitious" people in DC.

You...must not be very bright. I moved here, to dc, for a job. So I’m well aware. But 5 years ago, I would have never thought I’d end up here. My point is that for career oriented people, jobs open up all over and internationally - and if you want to be on the fast track, that often means taking the promotion in a different state or even country. In this day and age, most people don’t live their whole life in the same place.

No, you must not be very bright. There really aren't that many places with as many opportunities as DC. That's why you're here, right? Well, we already were . . .

My kids have no need to or interest in moving away to "be on the fast track." This is the fast track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a recent thread lambasting parents who let their kids move back home after college where an immigrant commented how puzzling she finds the "American way" sometimes. I'm an American through and through, and I agree with her.

We raised our family in a close-in NOVA suburb. We didn't "discourage" our kids from going to college out west, but it never occurred to them to do that either because they had a nice upbringing here, good parents, great friends from their childhood -- and UVA and other state colleges offering a first rate education. So they went that route. All of them studied abroad and went to grad school out of state. Two lived abroad for a couple years or more after college to volunteer (Peace Corps, etc). In the end, all of the kids settled in DC. Now that they've started families, they have grandparents and siblings who help out. No nannies required. If that means the kids aren't "independent," oh well, that's ok. We're good.

It may not always be that way though if your kids and their spouses are ambitious. I am California born and raised and we moved twice in the last 5 years for job related reasons.

Yea, you're right. There's certainly no opportunities for "ambitious" people in DC.

You...must not be very bright. I moved here, to dc, for a job. So I’m well aware. But 5 years ago, I would have never thought I’d end up here. My point is that for career oriented people, jobs open up all over and internationally - and if you want to be on the fast track, that often means taking the promotion in a different state or even country. In this day and age, most people don’t live their whole life in the same place.

No, you must not be very bright. There really aren't that many places with as many opportunities as DC. That's why you're here, right? Well, we already were . . .

NP. For people who want Big Law, government jobs, nonprofits, some universities...

...not for tech, entertainment, fashion, art, conservation, health and wellness, etc.

My kids have no need to or interest in moving away to "be on the fast track." This is the fast track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a recent thread lambasting parents who let their kids move back home after college where an immigrant commented how puzzling she finds the "American way" sometimes. I'm an American through and through, and I agree with her.

We raised our family in a close-in NOVA suburb. We didn't "discourage" our kids from going to college out west, but it never occurred to them to do that either because they had a nice upbringing here, good parents, great friends from their childhood -- and UVA and other state colleges offering a first rate education. So they went that route. All of them studied abroad and went to grad school out of state. Two lived abroad for a couple years or more after college to volunteer (Peace Corps, etc). In the end, all of the kids settled in DC. Now that they've started families, they have grandparents and siblings who help out. No nannies required. If that means the kids aren't "independent," oh well, that's ok. We're good.

It may not always be that way though if your kids and their spouses are ambitious. I am California born and raised and we moved twice in the last 5 years for job related reasons.

Yea, you're right. There's certainly no opportunities for "ambitious" people in DC.

You...must not be very bright. I moved here, to dc, for a job. So I’m well aware. But 5 years ago, I would have never thought I’d end up here. My point is that for career oriented people, jobs open up all over and internationally - and if you want to be on the fast track, that often means taking the promotion in a different state or even country. In this day and age, most people don’t live their whole life in the same place.

No, you must not be very bright. There really aren't that many places with as many opportunities as DC. That's why you're here, right? Well, we already were . . .

My kids have no need to or interest in moving away to "be on the fast track." This is the fast track.

Lady..what? Your kids must all work in govt related or defense industries or non profits...lol at dc being “the” fast track spot. That’s a very narrow worldview. There are very few Fortune 500 companies located here. Tech is not headquartered here. Most finance (pe / banking) firms are not headquartered here. That’s great you feel so confident none of your kids will ever leave but you really don’t know that. I won’t be here forever either.

[Anonymous]

Im the eldest of four and none of us live close to our parents. It’s called teaching your kids independence, letting them thrive on their own.

[Anonymous]

I hope my kids move to the west coast so I can move out there.
Only east coast due to DH wanting to be close to his family... pre-COVID, we saw them 3-4 times a year. We aren’t that close (relationship) hence why few visits.
My siblings all live near each other. pre COVID, most only saw each other 1-2 a year.
Being physically close does not mean a good relationship, just like being far away does not mean bad relationship.
Personally, we plan to move where the kids go. We have 2, so we might split time between their 2 locations if they don’t live close to each other. Or whichever kid has the first grandchild, we will move closer to them.

[Anonymous]

My FIL always said that the only people who live in one place all their lives are people who aren’t very ambitious and don’t care about bettering themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CA is an ideal place to live and all the siblings are close. You sound like a busy body.

Except for the earthquakes...

[Anonymous]

My cousins never lived more than 30 minutes from where they grew up (including college and grad school). Their kids will go to the same high school they went to. That seems more strange to me than having your kids move to California.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My @ss would be moving to the west coast.

This. I find it odd that empty nesters (especially those with grandkids) don't follow their kids when all the kids are in one location. If the kids are scattered or if one lives close to the original home, then it makes sense. But all of them a five hour flight away?

My folks are in CA and all their children and grandchildren are on the east coast. They can well afford to move. It's fine that they don't want to, they get to make that choice ... but I had to tell my mom to stop complaining about how she never sees her grandkids because it's very much within her control. I know a ton of people whose parents moved out here to be near grandkids.

My MIL is this way. She complains constantly about not seeing her only grandchild more often, but she lives in the tiny town where my DH grew up (and where she grew up) that has no airport and is 7 hour drive from us and a 2 hour drive from the nearest airport. She is long since retired, has a pension, and owns her home outright. I've even suggested that we could buy a larger home and she could live with us if that would make more sense. She also complains about the weather there all the time and says it's too cold for her. But she is too set in her ways and afraid of change.

I just don't get it. You get one life. If you want to see your family more, if what you value is your relationship with your grandchild, then make choices that reflect that. I do not understand people who have the means and opportunity to get exactly what they want and just keep choosing something else. A mystery.

[Anonymous]

People, you're here on DCUM, and presumably live in the DC area, political capital of the world, home (at least temporarily) of thousands of international families.

At one time, I had close relatives permanently established on every continent except Antarctica. Some of them passed away, and the rest live in Europe, Asia and the Americas.

This is not odd!

What's odd is that there are still people in this global economy who think families should live close to each other!!!

OP, broaden your circle of friends and acquaintances, for the love of all things.

[Anonymous]

My friend is a family therapist. I once mentioned to her that I felt bad for an aunt and uncle (I don't know them very well) because all of her 3 adult kids moved very far away from them. They only see their grandkids once a year or so. My friend immediately said "There's usually a good reason for that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My @ss would be moving to the west coast.

Yep. We love CA and my oldest is now set on college out there. Hopefully our younger two follow suit and we have an excuse to relocate.