Four Children: All Living on Opposite Coast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why? We have five. Three college grads. One in college. One senior in high school. Our oldest lives in Georgia. Our second in Colorado. Our third in Florida. Our fourth is in London. We see all of them several times a year. I miss them. But, I’m super proud of the independent young men and woman they have become.

You do realize that you can have "independent young men and women" as adult children who also live nearby, right? It's called being a close family.

DP, but it’s often called having kids who are “not very independent”. May not be the case for your family, of course.

Please explain why kids aren't "very independent" if they live in the same metropolitan area as their parents. Does being "very independent" require that you move to the other side of the country and only have perfunctory visits with your parents a couple times a year? My definition of "very independent" is having a job, supporting yourself, owning your own home, and having a partner. I didn't know that being "very independent" requires detaching yourself from your parents and siblings.

DP. I think that posters point was they were independent enough to choose the life that they wanted in the location they wanted but they are also close to their family. You can be independent close or far. Good gosh!!
nobody said that was a requirement of independence is that they live away from their family people make all kinds of choices for all kinds of reasons get off your high horse and stop being over sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: None of the 4 kids live in the same town in CA. I’m guessing there were issues with one or both parents and put some distance between them. Most normal kids would want to share their lives with their normal parents and not run away to the other coast. Those posters who are being defensive and calling me names should perhaps self reflect and be better parents.

Are you 13 years old?. Do you only know people who live 3 miles from their parents?
Live a little.

[Anonymous]

My sibling has been out west since college, bouncing between Colorado, Oregon, Washington, and California. It is absolutely a deliberate attempt to put as much distance between himself and my mother as possible while retaining plausible deniability, and he has admitted as much to me several times. Their relationship deteriorated in his teen years and while time and maturity have healed some of it, he finds it easiest to keep things amicable by keeping her at arm's length. I stayed local. We all keep in touch by phone but see him less than once a year.

[Anonymous]

Why is it odd? I live in a totally different country than my parents, OP. And yet, we are a very close family, who talk daily on zoom and who visit each other regularly.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Europe and all 3 of us moved to different countries, including 2 to the USA. and I think it was reckless from my parents to encourage that. I have 3 kids and I believe it would be best for them to live near family.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to lie- part of the reason DH and I don't want to every live too far from a major metropolitan area is that we want to at least give it a fighting chance that our kids will settle near us. Our hometowns are sort of depressed, dead towns. We miss our families a TON but if we moved there I know my kids would want to leave, there just isn't' opportunity there or much fun stuff to do, not a ton of new people they could meet, etc.

Does it guarantee they stay near me? Of course not, but I know a lot of people who grew up in the DC area or DC proper who live back here now after stints in CA, CO, HI, and other pretty far away states and plenty that stayed on the east coast and made their way back easily with job transfers from NY, Boston, Philly etc once they wanted to start having kids.