Four Children: All Living on Opposite Coast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: None of the 4 kids live in the same town in CA. I’m guessing there were issues with one or both parents and put some distance between them. Most normal kids would want to share their lives with their normal parents and not run away to the other coast. Those posters who are being defensive and calling me names should perhaps self reflect and be better parents.

You are making a lot of assumptions here and projecting some strange ideas onto your neighbors and their children. I don’t think most well adjusted people would agree with you on any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why? We have five. Three college grads. One in college. One senior in high school. Our oldest lives in Georgia. Our second in Colorado. Our third in Florida. Our fourth is in London. We see all of them several times a year. I miss them. But, I’m super proud of the independent young men and woman they have become.

You do realize that you can have "independent young men and women" as adult children who also live nearby, right? It's called being a close family.

You can be close and not need to be within umbilical distance. Relationships are not only measured by geographical proximity. One need only check out the relationship board for confirmation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and his siblings live on three different continents.

His parents encouraged them to go live their lives as they wanted and to not worry about them.

Only one of sibling lives near my parents, but this is due to childcare issues as she is a single parent. The rest of us moved to the other side of the country.


Why is this an odd situation?

It's not odd. But it's not typical either. And it's not something that most people would want or prefer if given the choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why? We have five. Three college grads. One in college. One senior in high school. Our oldest lives in Georgia. Our second in Colorado. Our third in Florida. Our fourth is in London. We see all of them several times a year. I miss them. But, I’m super proud of the independent young men and woman they have become.

You do realize that you can have "independent young men and women" as adult children who also live nearby, right? It's called being a close family.

You can be close and not need to be within umbilical distance. Relationships are not only measured by geographical proximity. One need only check out the relationship board for confirmation

You can't be as close. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

I moved to California the second I could. It had nothing to do with my very loving and tight knit family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They could definitely be terrible parents. That’s partly why 3 of my siblings and I are on the east coast and parents in California.

Same here (me and sibling). Enough distance to finally breathe....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: None of the 4 kids live in the same town in CA. I’m guessing there were issues with one or both parents and put some distance between them. Most normal kids would want to share their lives with their normal parents and not run away to the other coast. Those posters who are being defensive and calling me names should perhaps self reflect and be better parents.

You are making a lot of assumptions here and projecting some strange ideas onto your neighbors and their children. I don’t think most well adjusted people would agree with you on any of this.

If they all went to college in Cali -- especially if not a super selective college -- it's totally normal they stayed in Cali as that's where their degree gets the most respect. (Also, if they all went to college in Cali, I assume they like Cali, so there's that too). Now, why'd they all go to college in Cali? It could be as simple as the oldest liked the school or weather or lifestyle and then the rest followed suit. Lots of times you see siblings go to the same or similar colleges or colleges in the same area and it's not totally random and, in fact, speaks to a close family life typically. Siblings nearish by could also be a plus.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is pretty normal in America. Are you from another culture, or a part of America where this is uncommon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: None of the 4 kids live in the same town in CA. I’m guessing there were issues with one or both parents and put some distance between them. Most normal kids would want to share their lives with their normal parents and not run away to the other coast. Those posters who are being defensive and calling me names should perhaps self reflect and be better parents.

You are making a lot of assumptions here and projecting some strange ideas onto your neighbors and their children. I don’t think most well adjusted people would agree with you on any of this.

+1 I haven't posted yet but I have read OP and she is definitely digging in to defend her position. Out of everything posted here I have to say I think she is the odd one out and definitely projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is pretty normal in America. Are you from another culture, or a part of America where this is uncommon?

+1. This extremely common on the coasts but I know people from small towns in middle America that say very few people leave town for school or careers and prefer to stay in town and close to family.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. We are now a mobile society where people go away for college, meet people from other places, move for jobs, etc. Also, some of us are from towns that no longer have a job market.

[Anonymous]

Get a life. Get a hobby. Get a cat. Get a Magic Wand. Something to fill your time and your empty head.

[Anonymous]

I find OP odd. I would move to CA if I could afford to.

Are the parents still working? Wonder if they will also move to CA after they retire or age.

My siblings and I moved to the DC area for jobs, but my parents were so stuck in their ways that they refused to move here to be near us, received substandard medical care "back home" and are now deceased.

Don't you find that odd OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: None of the 4 kids live in the same town in CA. I’m guessing there were issues with one or both parents and put some distance between them. Most normal kids would want to share their lives with their normal parents and not run away to the other coast. Those posters who are being defensive and calling me names should perhaps self reflect and be better parents.

Are you crazy? My oldest is a military officer. He lives where he is stationed. My daughter took a job in London because....London! Two of my kids got great job offers out of state. My youngest went to a great college in another state. We are an extremely close family. They are home often. I talk to them at least two or three times a week. They travel to visit each other often. Kids grow up. They get married. They start families of their own. Jobs often require relocations. It's just part of life.

I think it's weird that you feel kids should settle near their parents. We aren't staying here. We are heading to our retirement location in nine months. Do you think all my kids should move with us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My @ss would be moving to the west coast.

This. I find it odd that empty nesters (especially those with grandkids) don't follow their kids when all the kids are in one location. If the kids are scattered or if one lives close to the original home, then it makes sense. But all of them a five hour flight away?

My folks are in CA and all their children and grandchildren are on the east coast. They can well afford to move. It's fine that they don't want to, they get to make that choice ... but I had to tell my mom to stop complaining about how she never sees her grandkids because it's very much within her control. I know a ton of people whose parents moved out here to be near grandkids.