Affair-proof your marriage

[Anonymous]

Hey - maybe monogamy and the myth of the long-term "love" marriage as the only model are the issues?!

[Anonymous]

If we stopped engaging with rank misogyny on this forum, those posters might lose interest and leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- why do wives cheat in numbers as great as husbands nowadays?

Wives cheat for entirely different reasons. Rarely is it due to her husband rejecting her. More likely she’s bored with him and needs the novelty of an exciting new man. It’s kind of hard to affair proof that.

That little gem I bolded is 99% of the reason men cheat. You don’t think men get bored with the same person (no matter how wonderful she is) over time? It’s why most affairs happen in midlife (men 45-55 are peak ages).

You are funny with your little theories. I really worry what will happen to you later in life when you realize you have no control over another person’s actions.

Men DO get bored. But men's sex drive is strong enough that, despite the boredom, men STILL want sex with their wives. MOST men who cheat is not because of boredom (yes, he is bored) but because the wife sexually rejects him.

A bored wife has zero interest in sex with her boring husband. Women's sex drive is not strong enough to overcome that hurdle.

Again you are stuck on the "blame" issue which is irrelevant to preventing an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- why do wives cheat in numbers as great as husbands nowadays?

Wives cheat for entirely different reasons. Rarely is it due to her husband rejecting her. More likely she’s bored with him and needs the novelty of an exciting new man. It’s kind of hard to affair proof that.

That little gem I bolded is 99% of the reason men cheat. You don’t think men get bored with the same person (no matter how wonderful she is) over time? It’s why most affairs happen in midlife (men 45-55 are peak ages).

You are funny with your little theories. I really worry what will happen to you later in life when you realize you have no control over another person’s actions.

Google "women get sexually bored" and see for yourself. As always, ignore click-bait articles in junk rag magazines and focus mainly on research based articles. There is actual science to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- why do wives cheat in numbers as great as husbands nowadays?

Wives cheat for entirely different reasons. Rarely is it due to her husband rejecting her. More likely she’s bored with him and needs the novelty of an exciting new man. It’s kind of hard to affair proof that.

That little gem I bolded is 99% of the reason men cheat. You don’t think men get bored with the same person (no matter how wonderful she is) over time? It’s why most affairs happen in midlife (men 45-55 are peak ages).

You are funny with your little theories. I really worry what will happen to you later in life when you realize you have no control over another person’s actions.

Men DO get bored. But men's sex drive is strong enough that, despite the boredom, men STILL want sex with their wives. MOST men who cheat is not because of boredom (yes, he is bored) but because the wife sexually rejects him.

A bored wife has zero interest in sex with her boring husband. Women's sex drive is not strong enough to overcome that hurdle.

Again you are stuck on the "blame" issue which is irrelevant to preventing an affair.

They still have sex with their wives, dummy. They also have a piece on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole concept of “affair proofing” is flawed. You never know what life will bring. The best thing you can do is love and respect and really know yourself, and hopefully you also feel genuine love, respect and friendship with your partner. Aside from that and maintaining healthy connections and communication, lose expectations of what life “owes” you. Accept that we can only control so much and you will be ok either way—even if the outcome isn’t what you wanted. Living in a black and white world will set you up for either failure or delusion.

And protect your finances, have an income!!!

[Anonymous]

How to spot a cheat
Could your partner be tempted to stray? Scientists say people who have affairs have at least one of these:

Men and women who regard themselves as more socially desirable than their spouses (they tend to cheat soon after the wedding).

Wives who report they get their way during disagreements.

People who weren’t securely attached to their parents during childhood.

Those who don’t feel their spouse supports and loves them.

Men and women who are more open to new experiences.

Alcoholics and those who are clinically depressed.

Spouses who aren’t equally open and conscientious.

Women who are more educated than their husbands.

Individuals with a high income.

Spouses who work outside the family home.

Men and women whose jobs involved touching clients.

Anyone who works alone with a co-worker.

Those who have spouses with chronic illness.

Anyone who thinks their sex life is poor.

A man whose wife is pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Genetics are behind it as well...which may be why cheating is multi-generation in some families (not just a learned coping mechanism):

Astonishingly, a 1985 study found that 56 per cent of male adulterers rated their marriage as ‘happy’ or ‘very happy’. For women, the figure dropped to 34 per cent.

So, many men and some women jeopardize happy marriages for the sake of a tumble or two. Why?

Scientists have found some clues by studying prairie voles — one of very few mammals that generally mate for life. The breakthrough came when they discovered that the few philandering prairie voles carried a particular gene that influenced the vasopressin system.

Vasopressin is a hormone, formed and stored in the pituitary glands, before being released into the bloodstream and possibly directly into the brain, where it is believed to play a role in social behaviour, sexual motivation and pair bonding.

And what do you know — humans carry similar genes governing their vasopressin system.

Swedish scientists investigated whether one of these genes affected men’s sexual behavior. The results were remarkable. Men who had inherited this gene scored significantly lower in a questionnaire that measured their degree of attachment to a mate.

Men who had two copies of the gene had the lowest scores.

Both categories of men admitted they had experienced more marital crises during the previous year, including threats of divorce.

And those who did not carry the gene? They turned out to be the most attached to their partners.

This field of work is relatively new, but scientists think other ‘adultery genes’ are probably involved. In another recent study, for instance, a direct link was found between specific genes in the dopamine system (dopamine is a neurotransmitter that controls the brain’s reward and pleasure centres) and a higher frequency of sexual infidelity.

So some married men, it seems, may be biologically programmed to be more open to temptation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this on the cheaters thread and thought others may find it interesting. It is very simple. Marriage is an enormous financial burden and investment for men. For a man to put everything at stake to have an affair, it just tells me how unhappy he must be in his marriage. The following advice has helped myself and at least two women I know save their marriages:

- Love and respect your husband- Men are not like women. Respect and admiration is like OXYGEN to them. They want to be admired and looked up to by their women. It is in their DNA. Praise him. Tell him how accomplished and successful he is. Men are like children who want to impress you and seek your approval.

- Frequent sex- If you don't sleep with him he will find 5 other younger and hotter girls on Tinder who gladly will.

-Stop criticizing him-What may seem like a simple suggestion to you reads like criticism to him. Over time it builds up and he thinks you do not like or respect him. It makes him feel emasculated.

-Let him has his way sometimes. He always lets you have yours.

- Be feminine- Do your hair. shave your legs. Sometimes he wants to see the girl he fell in love with

I would be willing to bet that there is no man who would willingly step out on a happy and healthy marriage.

You’d lose that bet. Men who want to cheat will cheat no matter how frequent the sex. In fact, of my friends who have been cheated on by DHs, all were having sex 5-7x a week. One had only been married 20 days when her husband cheated.

I don’t know what reality you live in where men always let their wives have their way.

Your advice seems calculated to make women who have been cheated on blame themselves. Nothing can make a marriage cheat-proof except two people who are not cheaters by nature. Non-cheaters leave unhappy marriages without committing infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted this on the cheaters thread and thought others may find it interesting. It is very simple. Marriage is an enormous financial burden and investment for men. For a man to put everything at stake to have an affair, it just tells me how unhappy he must be in his marriage. The following advice has helped myself and at least two women I know save their marriages:

- Love and respect your husband- Men are not like women. Respect and admiration is like OXYGEN to them. They want to be admired and looked up to by their women. It is in their DNA. Praise him. Tell him how accomplished and successful he is. Men are like children who want to impress you and seek your approval.

- Frequent sex- If you don't sleep with him he will find 5 other younger and hotter girls on Tinder who gladly will.

-Stop criticizing him-What may seem like a simple suggestion to you reads like criticism to him. Over time it builds up and he thinks you do not like or respect him. It makes him feel emasculated.

-Let him has his way sometimes. He always lets you have yours.

- Be feminine- Do your hair. shave your legs. Sometimes he wants to see the girl he fell in love with

I would be willing to bet that there is no man who would willingly step out on a happy and healthy marriage.

You’d lose that bet. Men who want to cheat will cheat no matter how frequent the sex. In fact, of my friends who have been cheated on by DHs, all were having sex 5-7x a week. One had only been married 20 days when her husband cheated.

I don’t know what reality you live in where men always let their wives have their way.

Your advice seems calculated to make women who have been cheated on blame themselves. Nothing can make a marriage cheat-proof except two people who are not cheaters by nature. Non-cheaters leave unhappy marriages without committing infidelity.[b]

100% Any marriage therapist/counselor will re-iterate all of this. I found the genetic study posted above very interesting. Men whose fathers cheat are 75% more likely to cheat too--perhaps there is some genetic link (like alcoholism) in addition to the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted this on the cheaters thread and thought others may find it interesting. It is very simple. Marriage is an enormous financial burden and investment for men. For a man to put everything at stake to have an affair, it just tells me how unhappy he must be in his marriage. The following advice has helped myself and at least two women I know save their marriages:

- Love and respect your husband- Men are not like women. Respect and admiration is like OXYGEN to them. They want to be admired and looked up to by their women. It is in their DNA. Praise him. Tell him how accomplished and successful he is. Men are like children who want to impress you and seek your approval.

- Frequent sex- If you don't sleep with him he will find 5 other younger and hotter girls on Tinder who gladly will.

-Stop criticizing him-What may seem like a simple suggestion to you reads like criticism to him. Over time it builds up and he thinks you do not like or respect him. It makes him feel emasculated.

-Let him has his way sometimes. He always lets you have yours.

- Be feminine- Do your hair. shave your legs. Sometimes he wants to see the girl he fell in love with

I would be willing to bet that there is no man who would willingly step out on a happy and healthy marriage.

You’d lose that bet. Men who want to cheat will cheat no matter how frequent the sex. In fact, of my friends who have been cheated on by DHs, all were having sex 5-7x a week. One had only been married 20 days when her husband cheated.

I don’t know what reality you live in where men always let their wives have their way.

Your advice seems calculated to make women who have been cheated on blame themselves. Nothing can make a marriage cheat-proof except two people who are not cheaters by nature. Non-cheaters leave unhappy marriages without committing infidelity.

Typical of high drive men that use sex as their coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to spot a cheat
Could your partner be tempted to stray? Scientists say people who have affairs have at least one of these:

Men and women who regard themselves as more socially desirable than their spouses (they tend to cheat soon after the wedding).

Wives who report they get their way during disagreements.

People who weren’t securely attached to their parents during childhood.

Those who don’t feel their spouse supports and loves them.

Men and women who are more open to new experiences.

Alcoholics and those who are clinically depressed.

Spouses who aren’t equally open and conscientious.

Women who are more educated than their husbands.

Individuals with a high income.

Spouses who work outside the family home.

Men and women whose jobs involved touching clients.

Anyone who works alone with a co-worker.

Those who have spouses with chronic illness.

Anyone who thinks their sex life is poor.

A man whose wife is pregnant.

This basically re-iterates that nobody's marriage is immune to cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How to spot a cheat
Could your partner be tempted to stray? Scientists say people who have affairs have at least one of these:

Men and women who regard themselves as more socially desirable than their spouses (they tend to cheat soon after the wedding).

Wives who report they get their way during disagreements.

People who weren’t securely attached to their parents during childhood.

Those who don’t feel their spouse supports and loves them.

Men and women who are more open to new experiences.

Alcoholics and those who are clinically depressed.

Spouses who aren’t equally open and conscientious.

Women who are more educated than their husbands.

Individuals with a high income.

Spouses who work outside the family home.

Men and women whose jobs involved touching clients.

Anyone who works alone with a co-worker.

Those who have spouses with chronic illness.

Anyone who thinks their sex life is poor.

A man whose wife is pregnant.

This basically re-iterates that nobody's marriage is immune to cheating.

High income and good-looking are killer. A lot of it is opportunity. Your average dad bod (most husbands) has a lot less opportunity than a Don Draper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted this on the cheaters thread and thought others may find it interesting. It is very simple. Marriage is an enormous financial burden and investment for men. For a man to put everything at stake to have an affair, it just tells me how unhappy he must be in his marriage. The following advice has helped myself and at least two women I know save their marriages:

- Love and respect your husband- Men are not like women. Respect and admiration is like OXYGEN to them. They want to be admired and looked up to by their women. It is in their DNA. Praise him. Tell him how accomplished and successful he is. Men are like children who want to impress you and seek your approval.

- Frequent sex- If you don't sleep with him he will find 5 other younger and hotter girls on Tinder who gladly will.

-Stop criticizing him-What may seem like a simple suggestion to you reads like criticism to him. Over time it builds up and he thinks you do not like or respect him. It makes him feel emasculated.

-Let him has his way sometimes. He always lets you have yours.

- Be feminine- Do your hair. shave your legs. Sometimes he wants to see the girl he fell in love with

I would be willing to bet that there is no man who would willingly step out on a happy and healthy marriage.

You’d lose that bet. Men who want to cheat will cheat no matter how frequent the sex. In fact, of my friends who have been cheated on by DHs, all were having sex 5-7x a week. One had only been married 20 days when her husband cheated.

I don’t know what reality you live in where men always let their wives have their way.

Your advice seems calculated to make women who have been cheated on blame themselves. Nothing can make a marriage cheat-proof except two people who are not cheaters by nature. Non-cheaters leave unhappy marriages without committing infidelity.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!! PP claims to know not one..... but several..... women in long term marriage who have sex every day. Your credibility is at zero, PP.

You are missing the point. There are no 100% guarantees but there ARE probabilities. Stop sidetracking this with the rare exception case. And sidetracking with blame (which is totally irrelevant).
There is a very very very high probability that a sexually satisfied husband will NOT cheat.
There is a very very very high probability that an unsatisfied husband WILL cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women cheat in rates that rival men in 2021.

Why don’t you give him a list, Ms. 1950s?

Tis true, silly OP