Affair-proof your marriage

[Anonymous]

OP is naive in suggesting even in the slightest that cheating is caused by the non-cheating spouse. Many people manage to not have affairs even in unhappy, unshaven marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is naive in suggesting even in the slightest that cheating is caused by the non-cheating spouse. Many people manage to not have affairs even in unhappy, unshaven marriages.

Yet another attempt to ascribe blame and some moralistic drama while completely missing the main point. Men who are sexually satisfied at home very rarely go elsewhere. Men who are NOT sexually satisfied at home usually go elsewhere. That's a pure statement of fact without any assignment of blame or moral judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted this on the cheaters thread and thought others may find it interesting. It is very simple. Marriage is an enormous financial burden and investment for men. For a man to put everything at stake to have an affair, it just tells me how unhappy he must be in his marriage. The following advice has helped myself and at least two women I know save their marriages:

- Love and respect your husband- Men are not like women. Respect and admiration is like OXYGEN to them. They want to be admired and looked up to by their women. It is in their DNA. Praise him. Tell him how accomplished and successful he is. Men are like children who want to impress you and seek your approval.

- Frequent sex- If you don't sleep with him he will find 5 other younger and hotter girls on Tinder who gladly will.

-Stop criticizing him-What may seem like a simple suggestion to you reads like criticism to him. Over time it builds up and he thinks you do not like or respect him. It makes him feel emasculated.

-Let him has his way sometimes. He always lets you have yours.

- Be feminine- Do your hair. shave your legs. Sometimes he wants to see the girl he fell in love with

I would be willing to bet that there is no man who would willingly step out on a happy and healthy marriage.

Oh, lord, this reads like an article from a 1950’s magazine. Seriously I lost brain cells reading this.

And I got diabetes from the fake sweetness.

A cheater is going to cheat, there's a huge character flaw from some dysfunction while growing up. Just like a thief is going to steal.

Better to teach women how to spot the red flags, and research him well before you get to the altar. The cheater I was with had enough red flags, thankfully I got rid of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, whatever helps you sleep at night.

But also, I have no interest in keeping around a man who isn’t interested in me or doesn’t respect me. Isn’t the hope that a couple can mutually enjoy their relationship? The way these to do lists are written come off as sad and joyless.

Plus 1 Million. Why the hell would I want to keep a man like that around?

Yes if I have to worry about my husband cheating on me then I married the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

Bitter pill: those who get cheated on often sowed the seeds with their own failings.

The idea of “fault” is naive. There’s never a single cause in human activity. There are always causative actions (or inactions) on all sides in these things.

Can’t affair “proof” a marriage anymore than you can make a bullet “proof” vest.

But you can reduce the impetus by making each other feel good about themselves, including having a lot of sex the way the other person wants it.

[Anonymous]

There is no way to affair proof your marriage. Decent people who aren’t happy with their marriage get divorced .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bitter pill: those who get cheated on often sowed the seeds with their own failings.

The idea of “fault” is naive. There’s never a single cause in human activity. There are always causative actions (or inactions) on all sides in these things.

Can’t affair “proof” a marriage anymore than you can make a bullet “proof” vest.

But you can reduce the impetus by making each other feel good about themselves, including having a lot of sex the way the other person wants it.

Says the sexless cheater guy!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When he’s 50 get back to me.

Married 24-years. Sex always no less than 3-4 times per week.

Not a nag. Smart, funny, incredibly fit, hot and being home $200k year. Great mother.

Best friends.

My therapist just had this conversation with me when I said “wtf, I did everything right”.

Her answer: affairs are never about the one betrayed. It’s what is wrong inside of the cheater.

Like OP, nobody wants to believe that, because it would mean we have no control.

Sorry, you don’t. Look at some of the incredibly beautiful and talented and warm women you read about cheated on all the time.

This is so true. My DH turned 50 and literally completely lost his shit including an affair.

It does women a GREAT disservice to be blamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is naive in suggesting even in the slightest that cheating is caused by the non-cheating spouse. Many people manage to not have affairs even in unhappy, unshaven marriages.

Yet another attempt to ascribe blame and some moralistic drama while completely missing the main point. Men who are sexually satisfied at home very rarely go elsewhere. Men who are NOT sexually satisfied at home usually go elsewhere. That's a pure statement of fact without any assignment of blame or moral judgement.

Actually there is blame and judgment in it, and it sounds like this:

It is your job to sexually satisfy the man. If he's not sexually satisfied at home, it is your fault.

This completely overlooks the possibility that the husband may no longer find his wife satisfying, as willing as she might be. Boredom sets in. The want of variety sets in. And may I remind you - so many cheated-on wives posting here have been having regular sex with their husbands up until the date of discovery. What is wrong with them? nothing. It just may be more than a person is able to deliver. I mean if your husband wants something different from you, there's not much you can do about it.