Reply to 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Beastiality? Violence?[/quote]

I’m the PP. It sounded as if excrement may be involved- hence the name. I’m not completely sure since I didn’t click, but it sort of made sense when I thought about the candy. I’m sorry. I know it’s gross- I’m not trying to get Jeff to pull this thread and he may if this gets too explicit. I just hope OP has a good, long, frank discussion with her child about this. What a shock- especially at 10. Poor little guy. 
If my DH said anything like, “Well he knows he’s not allowed to get into my phone!”, I would rip him a new one. To be honest, I’d do it no matter what he said. [/quote]

Thanks for sharing. I’m with you and thanks for not letting it nose dive the thread. :)

The fact that he has been exposed at 10yo to very inappropriate and potentially traumatic and deviant behaviors changes the entire approach.

1. Find out the truth with DH. Absolutely do some digging. Hire someone online if you need to. Don’t risk gaslighting or trickle truth.

2. I would try to read up on a few kindle titles that are self help foe helping kids heal from sexual abuse. I know that the child is not being abused. However, you can read about how to have age appropriate engagement, understand what may be normal and how to accommodate your son being on a healthy trajectory moving forward. By the way, if there is a book focused on talking to pre-teens about sexual abuse, it may offer suggestions on how to interact with a different party that may be defensive/abusive. You want dad in the conversation to support, not conflate issues, or attack, or lie.

3. After reading a few *credible* pieces, I would pull together what I learned about DH / secrecy in step 1; I would follow advice on how to engage my son with or without dad depending on this info; and hope foe the best but be prepared and equipped for the worst.

4. Maybe family counseling? Would depend on if the issue was cheating vs porn addiction vs deviant behavior.

3. 
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