Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say what you said here. “Hi X, just saw this. I know Y can be a handful but we love him and appreciate you all including him in this activity.”

Be the bigger person. Anyone who is worth their salt would apologize privately.

This is really nice. Probably the most reasonable thing that has been posted here. I would remove the "we love him" part, and replace with "he really enjoys this activity/spending time with your kids/whatever."

+1

[Anonymous]

This hurts. But being shunned is worse. That's what usually happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Most young boys are nightmares.

As a mom of boys (and a girl), I agree that young boys are much harder to handle than young girls, but parenting still plays an enormous part. My boys actually have ADHD but nobody outside the home would guess that. I have very strong expectations on behavior and we only attend things that they can handle. If one is having a bad day for example, they (or maybe all of us) stay home. Or we come home immediately. They know how it works - best behavior only.

So you punish your other kids for their siblings behavior...Your parenting as good as you think it is.

I am a mother of two girls and a cousin and aunty to many young boys. They are different. There is not enough "good" parenting in the world to change this.

Seriously. Parents of only girls or girl+boy are SO JUDGY of all boy sibling sets. They really have no idea. I consider myself a good parent and my boys are well behaved. Boys are just different though.

No, that generalization is a lie. Some boys are a handful, and some girls are too!!!

No most boys like to play very physically, it's fine, they are not a handful.

Few girls play that way.

Most girls and moms can't deal with physical play if they don't have a similar child .

There is nothing wrong with boys, it's fine if girls don't like to play that way or with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This hurts. But being shunned is worse. That's what usually happens.

Not really, most people won't agree with crazy wino mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

This, OP. Right now he’s a handful, but they include him. I think it says a lot about how much they like you- meaning they like you a lot. PIA kids usually get sidelined. Be very thankful and really observe your son- work with him on things that clearly drive other people crazy. It will make a better life for both of you.

This- if you want to salvage this group, don't think of it as badmouthing- think of it as a gift of the truth, and try to address with humor, grace, and yes, better behavior. If you get pissy, fine, they will cut you out. A big relief to all of them I'd bet. You are the one who needs to scrape and bow, unfortunately. If not, you have to let the group go.

Ew, no. Nobody needs that kind of toxicity in their life. I don't "scrape and bow" for myself in any context, and certainly not for my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Most young boys are nightmares.

That’s not true. But these people are all complicit in being jerks. I’d find new friends. What bitches. It’s one thing to say that quietly to another person, it’s another to put it in a group text.

If it were me, I might gift her a bottle of wine at the event and say “sorry to rain on your parade with our presence, but just so you know your little angel taught my kid the F word and is a bully like his mother” (or whatever it is her kid did because I’m sure they’re not perfect)

Well, someone is certainly a nightmare here...

As bad as the original comment was, so many of the responses here are 10x worse. I hate to think about what these posters' daughters will be like when they're teenagers.

Wrong. Trash talking a kid is beyond the pale. Calling out the bully is fine. I’m non confrontational so I probably wouldn’t go through with it and sadly, I’d probably just remove everyone on the text from my life outside of whatever school/kid things needed to be done.

Way to put your petty complaints above what's best for your children. That's super big of you.

Why in the world would you think it's "best for the child" to put them in the kind of environment where queen-bee moms attack children on text messages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

This, OP. Right now he’s a handful, but they include him. I think it says a lot about how much they like you- meaning they like you a lot. PIA kids usually get sidelined. Be very thankful and really observe your son- work with him on things that clearly drive other people crazy. It will make a better life for both of you.

This- if you want to salvage this group, don't think of it as badmouthing- think of it as a gift of the truth, and try to address with humor, grace, and yes, better behavior. If you get pissy, fine, they will cut you out. A big relief to all of them I'd bet. You are the one who needs to scrape and bow, unfortunately. If not, you have to let the group go.

Ew, no. Nobody needs that kind of toxicity in their life. I don't "scrape and bow" for myself in any context, and certainly not for my child.

This. There have been several threads lately specifically calling out women who grovel to be part of the “in” mom group. These women suck, OP. Grow a backbone and call them out. Then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

Most young boys are nightmares.

That’s not true. But these people are all complicit in being jerks. I’d find new friends. What bitches. It’s one thing to say that quietly to another person, it’s another to put it in a group text.

If it were me, I might gift her a bottle of wine at the event and say “sorry to rain on your parade with our presence, but just so you know your little angel taught my kid the F word and is a bully like his mother” (or whatever it is her kid did because I’m sure they’re not perfect)

Well, someone is certainly a nightmare here...

As bad as the original comment was, so many of the responses here are 10x worse. I hate to think about what these posters' daughters will be like when they're teenagers.

Wrong. Trash talking a kid is beyond the pale. Calling out the bully is fine. I’m non confrontational so I probably wouldn’t go through with it and sadly, I’d probably just remove everyone on the text from my life outside of whatever school/kid things needed to be done.

Way to put your petty complaints above what's best for your children. That's super big of you.

Why in the world would you think it's "best for the child" to put them in the kind of environment where queen-bee moms attack children on text messages?

+1,000,000. After OP they’ll pick a new mom and child to shit talk and pass the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

This, OP. Right now he’s a handful, but they include him. I think it says a lot about how much they like you- meaning they like you a lot. PIA kids usually get sidelined. Be very thankful and really observe your son- work with him on things that clearly drive other people crazy. It will make a better life for both of you.

I think it says a lot that none of the other moms in the group text stood up for you and your kid. No, these people do not like you very much and they are clearly not your friends.

I really don't understand comments like PPs' - are you really so obsessed with your own popularity that you want to be friends with people who are saying things like this about your child?? This isn't high school, and I, personally, would not tolerate this kind of mean girl behavior. It's kind of pathetic if you do.

I agree that it says a lot that nobody defended her, but I don't think it means that they don't like the mom. I think they must like her a lot or they'd exclude her. Clearly they ALL think that about the child, which is the reason that nobody could defend her. The only reason she's being included is because they like the mom. If OP does something bitchy now, they will all just avoid her family entirely.

NP. I agree. And how you react will determine whether your son has friends after today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

This, OP. Right now he’s a handful, but they include him. I think it says a lot about how much they like you- meaning they like you a lot. PIA kids usually get sidelined. Be very thankful and really observe your son- work with him on things that clearly drive other people crazy. It will make a better life for both of you.

I think it says a lot that none of the other moms in the group text stood up for you and your kid. No, these people do not like you very much and they are clearly not your friends.

I really don't understand comments like PPs' - are you really so obsessed with your own popularity that you want to be friends with people who are saying things like this about your child?? This isn't high school, and I, personally, would not tolerate this kind of mean girl behavior. It's kind of pathetic if you do.

I agree that it says a lot that nobody defended her, but I don't think it means that they don't like the mom. I think they must like her a lot or they'd exclude her. Clearly they ALL think that about the child, which is the reason that nobody could defend her. The only reason she's being included is because they like the mom. If OP does something bitchy now, they will all just avoid her family entirely.

NP. I agree. And how you react will determine whether your son has friends after today.

What kind of social circles are you in where a mom has to tolerate her child being gossiped about in order to have friends? That's pretty sad. You must have a really insular environment, or a very narrow idea the universe of acceptable friends. Or maybe you only have a 2 year old and don't realize that eventually kids make their own friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

This, OP. Right now he’s a handful, but they include him. I think it says a lot about how much they like you- meaning they like you a lot. PIA kids usually get sidelined. Be very thankful and really observe your son- work with him on things that clearly drive other people crazy. It will make a better life for both of you.

I think it says a lot that none of the other moms in the group text stood up for you and your kid. No, these people do not like you very much and they are clearly not your friends.

I really don't understand comments like PPs' - are you really so obsessed with your own popularity that you want to be friends with people who are saying things like this about your child?? This isn't high school, and I, personally, would not tolerate this kind of mean girl behavior. It's kind of pathetic if you do.

I agree that it says a lot that nobody defended her, but I don't think it means that they don't like the mom. I think they must like her a lot or they'd exclude her. Clearly they ALL think that about the child, which is the reason that nobody could defend her. The only reason she's being included is because they like the mom. If OP does something bitchy now, they will all just avoid her family entirely.

NP. I agree. And how you react will determine whether your son has friends after today.

WTF? OP did nothing wrong. That mom owes OP an apology and that’s what determines if SHE still has OP as a friend after today. Why does everyone suddenly assume OP is hard up for friends? Would you give this advice to your teenage daughters?!

Mean girls grow up to be mean women and it shows.

[Anonymous]

Wow. She sucks and so do the others on the group text. Who here has kids who aren’t loud and hyper at times? No one knows exactly how “challenging” op’s kid is, except op, and frankly that doesn’t matter and this other woman is rude.

I have 3 kids, they are all super outgoing and can be loud, but they also know when to behave and be quiet. However, we’ve been in situations where people have said rude things about or to them, and while I’m never rude back, I do say something. It’s not ok to let other people disparage or put down your child (or you, or another family member or friend).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:in which a texter badmouthed my kid!
I'm on a few different group threads for my kids' various activities, and I'm sure the sender did NOT know I was in this thread. She wrote, "Unfortunately, [DS's name] will be there, so bring Advil and wine."

My son can get hyper and loud. OK, I'm sure she has no idea I saw this, but it will dawn on her after a fashion - do I chime in or let it stew or what. NOBODY has responded....

I'm almost amused but also like, WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect.

I would reply, I birthed and live with him so bring some for me, too. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I’d take a different approach. Yes, it 100% hurts to have someone talk behind your (your child’s back), but you also acknowledge that your child can be a pain. I’d use this as an opportunity to work on his behavior. You’re being reminded about what you already know, but thankfully your child is still being included. Soon he may not be.

[Anonymous]

OP, please tell us more about your difficult child and how you react when he acts out.