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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this.  It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves) [/quote]

I was raised this way too.  What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.[/quote]

Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do.  Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!)  occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.

[/quote]

Very well said.   When did being a good parent become,  accepting any and all behavior from a child and never setting any type of boundaries?

From my experience, kids are happier, when they can be kids, and their every whim isn't catered to when they are loved to bits, but loved enough to be tought boundaries and what's appropriate in various situations.[/quote]

I totally agree. You can tell the kids that have boundaries and those that seek them.

I always look at it like this. Kids just pop out into the abyss and every damn day or their life something is changing. It is an unstable environment because they grow so fast and learn so much so fast. First I’m mommy. Then I’m a Woman. Then I’m tall and a noun? Wtf? Their “reality” is constantly changing and challenges as their information grows. The numbers are taught in order, until we tell them to mix them up, and introduce fractions and imaginary numbers. Information for a child comes fasr and furious and their little brains are making sense of all of it while learning to adapt emotionally socially and even physically. They don’t know the fire is hot unless they touch it or you teach them in a safe way. Could you imagine living in a world without rules, while being a person without knowledge? It’s scary! That is what most kids are doing. Boundaries give structure and security, and let our kids know, we aren’t leaving, we love you, and no you can’t do this. Otherwise we are like everything else in the world that comes and goes and probably have the same risk and trust with.  I always think of the nurse explaining in delivery how disorienting space is after being in a cozy womb, and the swaddling helps them feel secure. Our boundaries for ourselves do the same thing, and teach them how to create and defend their own, or adjust them as they learn more.

I’ve learned over the years how to put up boundaries with others’ kids. The kids usually don’t know how to read it, but they always listen, and very often they give huge hugs and want me to come and play with them. Which I am happy to do!! After grown folks are done talking. ;) [/quote]

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