Relocated with kids to/from DMV? Regrets? Relieved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Montgomery county and I wouldn’t move here. The best thing this area has going for it is diversity, which you would still probably not get if you are super rich and move to a fancier suburb. I find this area disjointed and have found it hard to find a community of people because everyone keeps relocating. Kids don’t stay together because of the way that schools work with all the magnet schools. I have good enough friends that moving to start over is daunting, but I wish I had a true community, and not only is it hard to find that here, but I find most people don’t even want it - preferring to be in their own silos.

OP. Thank you for this, and I hope things improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is all about where you work and I wouldn't move there if I wasn't working in a professional job. Boulder CO is one of the classic places where people go to semi-retire with kids still at home. Other college towns might be good choices as well.

OP. Boulder is tempting. A colleague of mine suggested Chapel Hill as a nice college town. This will sound stupid but I need to get these stupid high school rankings out of my head because intellectually I know they don't measure what really matters to a child's happiness and development, but it's all I have to go on and so few places measure up to what DMV has there. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: What about boulder or park city?

OP. I should give these more consideration. Many thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP! We have moved a bit. I immigrated to the USA from an Asian country. I would not move to a suburb. But we love DC. We have friends in the Bay Area. A few that are caught in the rat race, and some who know how to stay rooted and focus on what's important. One moved out of the city to the East Coast and find life much calmer. All anecdotal, of course. I'd say living in DC has been wonderful for us. There are plenty of quiet(ish) streets and the restaurants-art-culture things are never far. We are here due to work, but I am sure there are a lot of other smaller towns cities that can give you the best of both worlds if money is not an issue.

You need to think what's more important to you - access to museums/theaters etc, walkability to restaurants & cafes, public vs private school, what kind of weather do you guys like, racial diversity, economic diversity, access to nature, is a big yard enough or do you want a farm, would you want to drive, bike or walk as your daily commute.

OP. Anecdotal is what I'm after--thabk you very much for sharing your perspective and I am happy the move worked out! I am born and raised in the tiny suburbs of the San Francisco Peninsula so I've never known some of these options--like really big lots. Some walkability but cultural diversity and access to nature definitely takes a car ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a small town in the Midwest where literally everyone knows everyone's business. If you aren't used to nosy neighbors, the mindset there can be a bit off-putting for people. I prefer the diversity in this area and I think it's important for my kids to grow up and be friends with a diverse group of people. Our neighborhood in MoCo is friendly and diverse. The biggest draw back in this area is the cost of living. I agree with PP though it's hard to make/keep friends here because people tend to move back to where they transplanted from when they have kids.

DH works from home permanently and I am for the foreseeable future. My boss said this could become the norm so this thread caught my eye because DH and I think if we could literally live anywhere and still have the same jobs, would we move? Our house would sell quickly. Right now we don't have a clear answer but the option is on the table for us. Kids are in 3rd, 1st and preschool and not particularly attached to people in their class I think they would give it up to have their own room and a pool in our backyard.

OP. Thank you. I have always loved the people I have met from the Midwest but I could imagine a cultural norm of nosiness could take some getting used to for my California blend of introvert/extrovert. Maybe that will make sense to other Californians here. I wish you luck in your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP most people live here because of jobs. Retire here? The people who retire in DCUM land do it because friends and family are here. It’s not a retirement destination. Unless you love Va country side or MD beaches/ countryside.

OP. I am getting the sense that we would stick out a bit. Thank you for the advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me offer the alternate view to the prevailing voice in this thread. We moved from DC to Florida and I miss the DMV's Type A personality. The people here are, for the most part, lazier and dumber. The public schools are pretty bad. The job market sucks unless you're a bartender or DJ.

And DC may be hot/humid in the summer, but it has nothing on Florida.

I know OP isn't asking about Florida, but the point is this: you may not realize how much you actually enjoy the DMV's Type A personality until you move elsewhere.

Also not directly responding to OP, but I totally agree with this. I've been so grateful to be in DC and not in the Midwest where I'm from or south where friends have relocated since the pandemic hit. Call it the coastal liberal bubble, but it is a big weight off to be somewhere where everyone's on the same page and we're not fighting culture wars over public health decisions. We also intentionally stepped away from the big law track and have chosen a slower pace (for DC, it's all relative) in a more diverse, less fancy neighborhood. We don't have nearly as much as my law school friends, but I don't regret it for a second. DH and I talk about moving out of DC, but we're settled, life is manageable, and we have local family here. So we're probably lifers even though this area isn't perfect and is more expensive than we like.

OP. Sounds like you have found a groove, which is great. Thank you. Do you think you would stay if not for the family, or might you choose a different bubble?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from California, but southern, outside LA. I was in DC for 15 year and we left when our kids were younger for more space and a cheaper cost of living area. We couldn't be happier, especially now when everyone is home. San Francisco has many of the issues DC has - high COL, lots of traffic, outrageous real estate prices, etc. Not sure I'd switch one set of the problems for another, and if I did, it would be to move from DC to CA because at least the weather is better and you don't have humidity!

OP. Thank you--that is helpful. May I ask where you ended up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Left DC for a booming sunbelt city and it was the worst decision ever. Totally lacking in every way, hyper segregated, no culture, endless sprawl, and you don't have to go far (only to the next county!) to find people in positions of power who have turned mask wearing and other basic public health precautions into political issues.

OP. I hope the tide turns for you (or you find a way out!). Thank you for sharing. Good luck and stay safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Fairfax County. You have to love autocorrect.

They are good. But Fairfax county is NOT DC in any way. So whatever pulls you towards DC might not be there in the actual place that you live in an hour or more away from the city. You might be able to find other similar or even better school districts in other areas.

OP. Great point. I think there is probably a gap between Google Maps commute times and lived experience on the ground. Even thirty minutes is probably a bigger barrier than I realize. That is about how far I am from San Francisco and I hardly go. I also sleep two hours at a time and am getting a doctorate in diaper changing, but still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Fairfax County. You have to love autocorrect.

They are good. But Fairfax county is NOT DC in any way. So whatever pulls you towards DC might not be there in the actual place that you live in an hour or more away from the city. You might be able to find other similar or even better school districts in other areas.

+1. You won't get a "sense of place" as much in the suburbs as you would in DC itself. I'm speaking from experience--I'm the former CA resident who moved to DC. Before DC, we briefly lived in a somewhat bland MD suburb with highly ranked schools, and decided that was not what we wanted.

OP. Thank you. It sounds like you lived the experience we're contemplating. I was really hoping the excellent-sounding Metro could bride the gap somehow ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks for the quick reply. Just to clarify, we will not be in the workforce--this is an early at least semi-retirement. If you can call raising two daughters any kind of retirement ... Do you find the DC area stressful apart from work?

Did you get super wealthy after an ipo or something?

Ran a very profitable small business for 15 years and was fortunate in the stock market. Wife had a very successful medical practice. We certainly aren't billionaires but we could probably live more or less wherever fits us. I am grateful for that. I loved my job but it took the birth of my second child to realize the stress was slowly killing me (very nasty insomnia). I am healthy now but realize I only have so much time here to raise a family and enjoy the fruit of our hard work (and luck!) Giving our daughters a really good education to give them the options to choose what they love seems like a high priority. The schools in Fairy County certainly rank exceptionally well, but that can also mean exceptional pressure. We want what is best for them and the family.

Thanks!

If I could live literally anywhere in the US, I would NOT choose Fairfax County. Two of the top public school districts in the country are not far from San Francisco - Los Gatos and Palo Alto. Mountain View and Carmel aren't far behind them. If you want to be done with Northern California, move down south to San Marino. Or, even better, move to the beach and live in Carlsbad or Encinitas. Another awesome choice would be Rancho Palos Verdes.

Even if you really want to get out of CA, you would have SO many better choices than Fairfax County!

OP. Good points. Palo Alto is the school district that scares me. I'm still trying to figure how how to identify a school district that is rigorous but not crushing. I understand that perhaps the suicide issue in PA was somewhat anomalous, but I love these girls so much I can't help but feel concerned. RPV is spectacularly beautiful. That area north of San Diego deserves more attention. Thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We left and moved to Manhattan. SO much happier. Way fewer uptight midwestern people who think they know best and are perfect. Much more genuine relationships here. Less humid. More space for accepting people who are artistic. People here can do things because they enjoy them and don't have to strive to be the absolute best at their hobbies.

OP. Manhattan sounds amazing to me, less so to my wife. How did you find the adjustment in COL? Schools? Many thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is all about where you work and I wouldn't move there if I wasn't working in a professional job. Boulder CO is one of the classic places where people go to semi-retire with kids still at home. Other college towns might be good choices as well.

OP. Boulder is tempting. A colleague of mine suggested Chapel Hill as a nice college town. This will sound stupid but I need to get these stupid high school rankings out of my head because intellectually I know they don't measure what really matters to a child's happiness and development, but it's all I have to go on and so few places measure up to what DMV has there. Sigh.

The people I know in NC have their kids either doing private, charter it going to the NC boarding school for math and science. Their college placements have been excellent. If we could go to Chapel Hill we probably would, just for a chance at that boarding school. It is state funded.

[Anonymous]

^^^sorry this is for high school, not earlier, in most cases.