Relocated with kids to/from DMV? Regrets? Relieved?

[Anonymous]

OP, I grew up in DC and am now raising my children in DC. I love it. I’ve lived elsewhere but I always come back home. My spouse and I are so happy we settled here. He is also from this area.

DC has all the upsides of a city (and I love cities...so if you don’t, suburbs would be better) but not the density and crowdedness. I haven’t driven in three years except to go out to get some nature in VA (which is only like an hour drive away).

You have to have money, though. It’s not workable if you’re not high income. (I know this is a huge caveat.) My spouse and I both have high paying and stressful jobs. There are trade offs you have to make but it’s worth it for the location and the community we have.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like you are looking for something more down to earth than DC but with good schools and really contemplating what matters to you in this life.

I moved from DC but without kids, so someone else can probably point you in the right direction (I currently live in the Charleston, South Carolina with kids. I am SURE that is not on your list of places and it definitely shouldn't be!)

[Anonymous]

Oh and DC is the one of the least down to earth places ever. It has its qualitjavascript:void(0);ies but don't to earth is NOT it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We left and moved to Manhattan. SO much happier. Way fewer uptight midwestern people who think they know best and are perfect. Much more genuine relationships here. Less humid. More space for accepting people who are artistic. People here can do things because they enjoy them and don't have to strive to be the absolute best at their hobbies.

OP. Manhattan sounds amazing to me, less so to my wife. How did you find the adjustment in COL? Schools? Many thanks!

Why don't you try CT? My sister lives in a big house right on the water in Riverside (a neighborhood in Greenwich). They walk to the club for tennis and a private beach, there's an amazing beach (Todd's Point/Greenwich Point Park) that's only open to residents, they walk to the town center for coffee/bagels/the hardware store/a small supermarket, a 10 minute drive to "The Ave" with all the shops and restaurants, amazing but still diverse and not soul crushing public schools, a ridiculous amount for the kids to do, and a 45 minute drive/train ride into the city. The biggest drawback is the COL but it sounds like you have the funds...

[Anonymous]

OP. I apologize I have not been able to respond to everyone personally. Thank you all so much!

[Anonymous]

I grew up in New England and moved to Virginia after I got married and don’t regret it. It’s much hotter in the summer, but also milder in the winter. Yes there are competitive people but I don’t play that game. I prefer to give my kids free time instead of one scheduled activity after another. I also will not be tiger-momming them, as I believe success is dependent on intrinsic motivation. I make friends with people who have a similar mindset. I love that there are a lot of educated, thoughtful, open-minded, thoughtful people around me. I’m sure I would have found them in NE or CA, but I’m glad I found them where I live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We left and moved to Manhattan. SO much happier. Way fewer uptight midwestern people who think they know best and are perfect. Much more genuine relationships here. Less humid. More space for accepting people who are artistic. People here can do things because they enjoy them and don't have to strive to be the absolute best at their hobbies.

OP. Manhattan sounds amazing to me, less so to my wife. How did you find the adjustment in COL? Schools? Many thanks!

YES - THIS! A thousand times, this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love DC and moved back here after living elsewhere for a few years, but you have a flexibility that I didn't have and it doesn't sound like you are particularly motivated by the things that make DC great (to me).

If I had your money, and priorities, I would never move to this area. It's hot, competitive, super career focused, and transient.

+1

[Anonymous]

Are you set on staying in the US?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved away to a small town in the midwest. Best move ever. On a much smaller scale, we have good private schools, culture, arts, museums, great houses and neighborhoods, all for a small fraction of the cost. And no traffic. Oh..and TONS of fantastic free resources and programs for all kids of any income.

I always look at these beautiful towns and realize how white such places are. I remember going to Park City and spotted one black family in a full day. Are there any vibrant and culturally/ racially diverse small towns anywhere in the US? I love the idea of it as an adult but would be so unfair for my kid to never see anyone else like them.

This area can be like that too. The elementary school 2 minutes from my house is wonderfully diverse with lots of different cultures. The elementary school 5 minutes from my house is almost exclusively white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved away to a small town in the midwest. Best move ever. On a much smaller scale, we have good private schools, culture, arts, museums, great houses and neighborhoods, all for a small fraction of the cost. And no traffic. Oh..and TONS of fantastic free resources and programs for all kids of any income.

I always look at these beautiful towns and realize how white such places are. I remember going to Park City and spotted one black family in a full day. Are there any vibrant and culturally/ racially diverse small towns anywhere in the US? I love the idea of it as an adult but would be so unfair for my kid to never see anyone else like them.

This area can be like that too. The elementary school 2 minutes from my house is wonderfully diverse with lots of different cultures. The elementary school 5 minutes from my house is almost exclusively white.

I am the PP that you replied to. Would you mind sharing the town you are talking about?

[Anonymous]

For Northern Virginia in particular, I am surprised no one has mentioned the convenience and incredible asset that Dulles Airport is for those of us who travel internationally. It is an absolute gem, entirely uncrowded and underutilized, yet with fantastic reach. With Global Entry, I can be off a flight from Europe, down the dedicated access lanes on the toll road and home in literally 45 mins. Try that at JFK or Newark or even Philadelphia or Boston (which have far fewer international connections). And certainly you can’t do it in a place like Boulder or the Central Coast. Hands down, it’s one of the best things about this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in Bethesda and love it. I am not native to the DC area, moved here for a job and have stayed.

If you have the $$ to be thinking about the close-in Virginia suburbs, you have the $$ to enjoy the area. I moved here making very little money and it’s a grind when you have a long commute, no support to raise kids, and weekdays are all about the grind of getting through the day with kids.

We enjoy the amenities of DC - it’s not just the museums, it is a large enough area to have multiple theaters, ballet, live music, and different ethnic and cultural opportunities. The food scene is pretty solid and getting better.

The population is also highly educated, and we have found it easy to make friends in the suburbs and make our own community. There is a mix of folks who are settled in the area, transient folks, and native Washingtonians.

I actually don’t think parents are hyper competitive with their kids, certainly not more than other city with well educated parents. People are crazy about sports (as in other places), but I love that there are lots of enrichment activities for kids - typical sports, art, music, dance, sewing, fencing, etc, etc. The variety is great, especially if you have a quirky kid.

My biggest complaints are the cost of living and the focus of federal government. Traffic is fine if you live close in and limit where you will work based on the commute. For example, I won’t look at job in Alexandria because the commute would be ridiculous.

Finally, you don’t mention it, so I’ll assume you are white. I am a POC, and appreciate that there are people who look like me in the area (although honestly, not so much in my neighborhood). But we have been able to find friends who are different races and ethnicities, and that means a lot to me. Only you know how much that matters to you.

OP. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

[Anonymous]

I have lived in both Williamsburg and Charlottesville, and would recommend either city over Fairfax County. Your kids gain nothing from all of that extra time in traffic. Seriously, it will add up over the years.