Relocated with kids to/from DMV? Regrets? Relieved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Washington, D.C. is hell on earth. And though it sounds like you're well-off, that will only add to the stress of raising children here. The intensity and competition among the upper class famlies here is very toxic. Do not do it. Biggest regret of my entire life. I was raised in a nice suburb outside Philadelphia where people are focused on raising nice, warm famlies. DC is nothing like that.

OP. Thanks for this. Any extended family connections aside, would you have chosen Philadelphia to raise your kids?

Yes. 100%. I grew up on the Main Line. I was pressured into moving here by my spouse and it was a horrible decision. Unfortunately, I wound up being the breadwinner in a pretty niche career track, which I couldn't replicate up there, so we're stuck here until retirement. We will not retire anywhere in the mid-Atlantic, though. But if I could do it over and raise my family on the Main Line, I absolutely would! All the benefits of life in DC and then some, but without the intensity and arrogance.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the Bay Area, may have gone to the same school district you're currently living in right now. Moved to Fairfax county for work a few years ago. I can speak to the education - the school/culture/type of students are very similar, competitive, over-scheduled. Schools seem better funded in Virginia v California, more prevalent to find an immersion program or language, art, music in a public school. Both of my kids are quite analytical/STEM focused, they've had a harder time finding friends in early elementary because the selection of similarly minded children is smaller (I do like the political and career diversity - not everyone is an engineer). The rest is kind of a wash. Housing is more affordable in that you get more house for the same amount of $$. Yes, you have access to a great city and cultural attractions, but the weather is bad half the year, summer is REALLY bad. Traffic is similarly horrible. The selection of organic produce seems much worse (if that matters to you). Between the Bay Area and DC, I'd honestly pick based on 1) career and 2) family/friend connection. If I had the funds to semi-retire, I would look elsewhere like others have mentioned, the central coast or colorado.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the Bay Area, may have gone to the same school district you're currently living in right now. Moved to Fairfax county for work a few years ago. I can speak to the education - the school/culture/type of students are very similar, competitive, over-scheduled. Schools seem better funded in Virginia v California, more prevalent to find an immersion program or language, art, music in a public school. Both of my kids are quite analytical/STEM focused, they've had a harder time finding friends in early elementary because the selection of similarly minded children is smaller (I do like the political and career diversity - not everyone is an engineer). The rest is kind of a wash. Housing is more affordable in that you get more house for the same amount of $$. Yes, you have access to a great city and cultural attractions, but the weather is bad half the year, summer is REALLY bad. Traffic is similarly horrible. The selection of organic produce seems much worse (if that matters to you). Between the Bay Area and DC, I'd honestly pick based on 1) career and 2) family/friend connection. If I had the funds to semi-retire, I would look elsewhere like others have mentioned, the central coast or colorado.

The fact that people describe their ELEMENTARY students this way should be a red flag to OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about outside DC like fairfax.

No. Do you like beach life? I’d probably move to Encinitas.

OP. Oh, man. I lived in San Diego for about a year. I had a strawberry guava tree in the front yard and I could just pick one off on my way to the corner cafe. Life moved on, but that whole area is lovely. As a new parent, though, I wonder about school options.

I posted this earlier but Encinitas is a great school district.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a native Seattleite raising kids in the close-in DC suburbs and trying desperately to get back to the West Coast. The DC area is hyper career focused—it’s the first question anyone asks you (“what do you do?”), even when you meet them through your kids. What makes the DC area even worse is the weather—all winter and summer, barely any spring and fall (basically the opposite of the Bay Area), so you have very small windows to get outside. Then, the outdoor options here are pretty paltry—we’ve done all the hiking, sailing, kayaking to be done in the area and are pretty bored of it all. (Pandemic isn’t helping with that of course.). The cultural opportunities are good, but honestly, the arts scene is no better than any other major city. Certainly, there are certain art forms that are strong here, and I wouldn’t deter you if you had a niche interest.

For me, personally, I am grateful for my 13 years in DC but am ready to move on.

OP. Thank you very much. Seattle (or perhaps the East Side) is high on our list. If I may ask, was your move for work? Would you choose to return to Seattle or somewhere in the Puget Sound area?

We are applying for jobs from Bellingham to Eugene and would be happy to land anywhere both of us could find satisfying jobs in our professions (not a small challenge given our niche specialties). I actually think we’d be happiest in Portland or Eugene, but only one of our two reasons likely applies to you: the amazon-ification of Seattle has corrupted the city’s culture quite a bit (in addition to driving real estate prices up in a way that I’m not convinced is sustainable. My other reason is that I think we’d do best with a short drive between us and our extended network in the Puget sound basin.

Given your parameters, I think the 405 corridor makes sense for you—less of the Amazon culture, very good schools. I might look up toward woodinville if I were you. Are the schools in Edmonds still good? That might be a good option for you as well.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are in PA, and I say this as a former peninsula resident.

We left and moved to a small university town and are all so much happier. The DMV seems so provincial when I read these boards. So many people are so narrow-minded but maybe that is part of being on a board where people can be anonymous. I remember all the drama and racism in PA about creating a Mandarin immersion track so it probably happens everywhere to a degree. PA was unique in the suicide problem though. Similar districts nearby did not have any during the same time periods and the district took for freaking ever to take responsibility for the stress on the kids or the railroad tracks. Even now teachers don't have to follow the rules about giving homework during finals exam week.

If you can go anywhere, what about San Diego? Or Lake Tahoe? Or Portland?

[Anonymous]

We live in Bethesda and love it. I am not native to the DC area, moved here for a job and have stayed.

If you have the $$ to be thinking about the close-in Virginia suburbs, you have the $$ to enjoy the area. I moved here making very little money and it’s a grind when you have a long commute, no support to raise kids, and weekdays are all about the grind of getting through the day with kids.

We enjoy the amenities of DC - it’s not just the museums, it is a large enough area to have multiple theaters, ballet, live music, and different ethnic and cultural opportunities. The food scene is pretty solid and getting better.

The population is also highly educated, and we have found it easy to make friends in the suburbs and make our own community. There is a mix of folks who are settled in the area, transient folks, and native Washingtonians.

I actually don’t think parents are hyper competitive with their kids, certainly not more than other city with well educated parents. People are crazy about sports (as in other places), but I love that there are lots of enrichment activities for kids - typical sports, art, music, dance, sewing, fencing, etc, etc. The variety is great, especially if you have a quirky kid.

My biggest complaints are the cost of living and the focus of federal government. Traffic is fine if you live close in and limit where you will work based on the commute. For example, I won’t look at job in Alexandria because the commute would be ridiculous.

Finally, you don’t mention it, so I’ll assume you are white. I am a POC, and appreciate that there are people who look like me in the area (although honestly, not so much in my neighborhood). But we have been able to find friends who are different races and ethnicities, and that means a lot to me. Only you know how much that matters to you.

[Anonymous]

I moved to from Boston to DC and back to Boston and back to DC again. All for work but honestly, while I wanted to raise New Englanders I found that DC was more socially conscious and I found individuals who were like minded. Now I do live in what I consider a conservative place on the Metro in Fairfax county--I do have Yahoo neighbors with Blue Lives Matter and Liberty flags but I also have very liberal neighbors as well. I also live in an area that has diverse schools that aren't top rated but I prioritize diversity over an all white school. I can hop on the metro and be downtown fairly quickly. We will eventually move but if we stay until the kids are older I am fine with that too

[Anonymous]

Stay out of DC and suburbs. Not worth it in any way, shape or form.

Why aren’t you thinking of Santa Barbara or Vermont?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me offer the alternate view to the prevailing voice in this thread. We moved from DC to Florida and I miss the DMV's Type A personality. The people here are, for the most part, lazier and dumber. The public schools are pretty bad. The job market sucks unless you're a bartender or DJ.

And DC may be hot/humid in the summer, but it has nothing on Florida.

I know OP isn't asking about Florida, but the point is this: you may not realize how much you actually enjoy the DMV's Type A personality until you move elsewhere.

This post couldn't support the majority opinion here any more strongly than it does. OP, what you read in the pompous, nastly attitude of this poster is what you'll get everyday in DC. Everybody looking down their nose at everyone else. Trust me, this personality is the rule in DC, not the exception.

PP here. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live around educated, smart, motivated people. I genuinely enjoy that about DC. I've lived in a number of places and found that DC has that going for it. People here are wonks.

We don't chide people for moving to Florida to be near beaches or California for the weather or the Midwest for a slower pace of life. It's no different.

[Anonymous]

Side note: having lived in US and European cities, DC does seem provincial. The people who like it are people who have never lived in a city before. That said, it grows on you. You might like a place like Silver Sping--very close in and great diversity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Washington, D.C. is hell on earth. And though it sounds like you're well-off, that will only add to the stress of raising children here. The intensity and competition among the upper class famlies here is very toxic. Do not do it. Biggest regret of my entire life. I was raised in a nice suburb outside Philadelphia where people are focused on raising nice, warm famlies. DC is nothing like that.

+1

Well said. Thank you for speaking up.

[Anonymous]

We lived in the DC area for 9 years before relocating to the Seattle area, eastside specifically. Our jobs are in demand anywhere so we could have moved anywhere in the US. We love it here. It’s gorgeous all year round. My kids play outside daily. It’s expensive but similar to the DC area. People are super nice here. Seattle is a smaller city which I prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me offer the alternate view to the prevailing voice in this thread. We moved from DC to Florida and I miss the DMV's Type A personality. The people here are, for the most part, lazier and dumber. The public schools are pretty bad. The job market sucks unless you're a bartender or DJ.

And DC may be hot/humid in the summer, but it has nothing on Florida.

I know OP isn't asking about Florida, but the point is this: you may not realize how much you actually enjoy the DMV's Type A personality until you move elsewhere.

OP. Every year my business took me to Florida for one week in June. I found a lot of things to love (coffee Cubano, endless gentle slope of Miami Beach into a perfect ocean) ... but I commend your hardiness. Whew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved away to a small town in the midwest. Best move ever. On a much smaller scale, we have good private schools, culture, arts, museums, great houses and neighborhoods, all for a small fraction of the cost. And no traffic. Oh..and TONS of fantastic free resources and programs for all kids of any income.

OP. Sounds lovely, and thank you very much for the reply. May I ask the town?