If your son sexually assaulted a girl WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

Sorry, my son has one life. I would not permit it to be ruined by something like this, if it were in any way in my capacity to stop it. Also, not for nothing, but there are many of us who feel that the definition of “rape” - particularly as it relates to incapacity to give affirmative consent in the context of a drunken college hookup— has exceeded rational bounds.

I agree with this. It is beyond idiotic that only women can’t give consent while drunk. Otherwise known as regret sex. I’m not inferring someone unconscious, but both people partying then hook up. These women have as much agency as men and shouldn’t be infantilized by saying they are incapable of owning their actions.

No one can legally consent while drunk. Idk why you think it only applies to women.

So they are raping each other? Both go to prison for sexual assault?

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this entire thread, but a family member's son DID assault a girl, about 15 years ago. His parents did exactly what people are describing on the first page of this thread: hired the best defense attorneys, asked everyone who knew the young man to testify on his behalf (many refused-- more on that in a minute), tried to discredit the victim, etc. The victim went to her parents, the hospital, and then the police immediately afterwards and there was a lot of forensic evidence. She was also 15, and the guy was 18. The day the case was supposed to go before the jury, his lawyers convinced him to plead guilty to sexual battery. Why? Because a bunch of other girls had gone to the police with evidence that he had done the same to them. Also, no one except his idiot parents and equally stupid sister were willing to take the stand and say they thought he was innocent. His "friends" knew what kind of person he was. He ended up getting three years in jail, whereas his lawyers suspected he'd get 20+ in prison if he let a jury decide his fate. He's been in a lot of legal trouble since getting out, including charges for domestic violence and unlawful possession of a firearm. Unfortunately, he also has three children now and they're probably not going to turn out well.

There's no way I'd save my kid's ass in a situation like this, especially if there was more than one woman involved or physical evidence. As for the guys who got wasted and had questionably consensual sex with women in high school and/or college, I'm in my 40s now and they're still creepy (just a lot less hot/ popular).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

Sorry, my son has one life. I would not permit it to be ruined by something like this, if it were in any way in my capacity to stop it. Also, not for nothing, but there are many of us who feel that the definition of “rape” - particularly as it relates to incapacity to give affirmative consent in the context of a drunken college hookup— has exceeded rational bounds.

SOMETHING LIKE THIS? You mean, one of the most heinous crimes a person can commit? That little thing? I hope if you have a daughter, you also tell her that forcible sex is NBD, get over it. That’s the only way you’re consistent. However, I suspect that if your daughter were raped, you’d try to nail the dude’s ass to the wall. And rightfully so.

You’re not a good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just as a defense lawyer is supposed to be on his side, I would also be on my DS's side.

And I have a DS and DD.

+1. I hope I am raising my children (2 DDs and a DS) well, such that none would ever assault anyone or do something similar, however, regardless of whether I thought my son was guilty or falsely accused I would still be fully on his side and do everything possible to see that he would be found not guilty. I wouldn't necessarily say this with my name attached, but I do believe that a parent should be on their child's side unconditionally. After the fact, privately, I would raise hell with my son if I thought he might have been guilty, but publicly I would support him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your job is to be on your son's side. That may mean giving him guidance on how best to handle the situation so that he can have a chance at a decent future. That to me would include doing the right thing by the victim, in whatever form that may take.

This. Also Try to get him into therapy to understand what he did and why it is wrong. And I say this as a mom of girls only, I don't have a son.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the sex act.

If a drunk girl sodomizes a drunk boy with a dildo and he was not able to give consent, absolutely she has sexually assaulted him and should be prosecuted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

You wouldn't consider any evidence?

[Anonymous]

Interesting and enlightening thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

You wouldn't consider any evidence?

Well I’m certain my son wouldn’t commit classic rape, and, as a previous poster noted, I’m not convinced by these modern drunken sex acts college students and people in the military are doing is so criminal. I have a daughter too and it’s been drilled into her to not get into these situations. But the girls need to take some responsibility for getting hammered and sleeping over a frat guys room then when she does the walk of shame pretending she didn’t consent.

[Anonymous]

How about this rule? If a girl voluntarily gets drunk and the evidence shows she voluntarily ends up on a frat guys bed, she will very likely end up with his pee pee in her if he similarly was drinking. That is a very likely consequence of her actions. That should not be criminalized die either party and should be considered a learning experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was 25, I was accused of molesting a neighbor's kid. This was a retaliatory move because I called the police on her older brother who was throwing rocks at my car (captured with a video recorded (pre cell phone) from my bedroom.

I was accused but never arrested. Why? Well, the girl said I was repeatedly stalking her, and flashing her. Three days in a row. On the third day, the police (unbeknownst to me) had a tail on me. They saw that I left my place at 7:00 AM or so, Drove to the university where I was a grad student, went in to the lab, and was working from 7:20 on, only leaving to get coffee and go to the bathroom. The police knew where I was, and the girl claimed I tried to molest her. I think they thought they would bust me, but they did not.

I don't know what happened to the girl. I moved out of the neighborhood (landlord let me break the lease).

With that said, reaction would be very different if he did assult a woman.

I think you might have posted this before, it sounds familiar to me. It doesn't surprise me, either. You'll notice by the lack of responses to your story (which I'm sorry to hear) that nobody really cares about men who are falsely accused (like the Duke LAX team). It's a little frightening, actually. Women are to be believed unconditionally--which isn't quite right either. There needs to be a happy medium, some common sense approach. I'm sure someone will respond with a lot of vitriol now that I've posted that.

I may have. I have definitely written about it...DCUM is a likely place where I would post it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a defense lawyer is supposed to be on his side, I would also be on my DS's side.

And I have a DS and DD.

+1. I hope I am raising my children (2 DDs and a DS) well, such that none would ever assault anyone or do something similar, however, regardless of whether I thought my son was guilty or falsely accused I would still be fully on his side and do everything possible to see that he would be found not guilty. I wouldn't necessarily say this with my name attached, but I do believe that a parent should be on their child's side unconditionally. After the fact, privately, I would raise hell with my son if I thought he might have been guilty, but publicly I would support him.

Ultimately, you are not truly on your child’s side if you support them getting away with sexual violence. There will be a reckoning one way or another. My dad was one of a group of friends who beat a guy within in the inch of his life after the police did nothing. The guy bragged about what he did to the girl. My dad and his friends set upon him and the rapist was never physically or mentally right again afterwards. The police didn’t do anything then either.

[Anonymous]

I am a 56 yo man. I can think of 6 times in my life where I could have had sex with a woman and didn't because it did not feel right. The woman "consented", but I had reason to doubt the consent was real.

This include a woman so drunk that she could barely stand, in a foreign country. I escorted her to her hotel room, and left her.

In college, I was out on a date...we had spent the day together, and were back in my apartment, making out. She said yes, but started crying....continued to say yes...turns out she did not want to, but wanted to "please me",

And other instances. It is not hard to read the situation if you are sober. If I had been drinking, there may have been different outcomes.

And this is where it gets complicated. Women lose impulse control when drunk/ability to consent. So do men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

FU, no it doesn't! You're making stuff up that has no bearing in reality. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of campus rapes go unreported.

-- Person who was raped in college and didn't report it

+1
I've been raped twice and didn't report either. You have no idea what victims go through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

And, you're part of the problem.