If your son sexually assaulted a girl WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be surprised but most of the parents will be either in denial that their child would ever do something like that, or go into a full protective mode (top lawyers, etc.). I've never seen any parent turning their child in, and I worked in a criminal system for many years.

My mentally ill mom did...not for sex assault; for drug dealing but she still did it and my sib served 8 yrs for pot selling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be surprised but most of the parents will be either in denial that their child would ever do something like that, or go into a full protective mode (top lawyers, etc.). I've never seen any parent turning their child in, and I worked in a criminal system for many years.

Yeah, I mean I’m not sure any of us can possibly know how we would react but I do know I love my son (who is only 10) unconditionally and I’d guess that unless the assault was against my daughter/his sister, I’d go to the end of the Earth to protect him. Isn’t that what parents do? Just being honest here.

No, that’s not what good parents do. That’s not what good people do. If your son rapes someone, a good person gets them to confess and turn themselves in. The extent to which it ruins his life is on him, for having done it. A GOOD parent will then help him make something of his life and try to make amends for his wrongs, try to come one a good person. A good parent would wonder how she failed so colossally and would not want to “protect” her son, which really means to protect his freedom to rape gain with impunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH admitted he raped a woman or you had good evidence he did, what would you do? Would you be a loyal wife?

I would leave him and never speak to him again if I could help it. If I could help prosecute in any way, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

FU, no it doesn't! You're making stuff up that has no bearing in reality. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of campus rapes go unreported.

-- Person who was raped in college and didn't report it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

Exactly. I can’t even tell you how many women I know who have been raped. Over a hundred, easily. I know of literally no man who was falsely accused. It’s a myth, or as rare as a lightning striking a person. Men rape with impunity a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a father, I think you always have support your family. I'd definitely lawyer up and support him. I'd have him go to therapy as well. If he actually did it, he needs therapy. If he didn't do it and it's a false accusation, he will need therapy pretty soon. I'm always in my kid's corner. Would I feel bad for the girl and her family? Yes, absolutely. And of course, if I had a daughter who claimed someone raped her I would try to pursue that person to the fullest extent of the law. I'd probably try to take revenge myself, unfortunately.

This makes no sense. I'm trying to raise good humans. That means teaching them to take responsibility for their actions. I might hire my DS a lawyer, since everyone deserves legal representation, but I would also make sure he didn't think I supported his actions or thought they were anything short of criminal. I generally don't expect my kids to pay me back for most things, but the legal defense would be something I'd expect him to pay me back for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

Sorry, my son has one life. I would not permit it to be ruined by something like this, if it were in any way in my capacity to stop it. Also, not for nothing, but there are many of us who feel that the definition of “rape” - particularly as it relates to incapacity to give affirmative consent in the context of a drunken college hookup— has exceeded rational bounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

Sorry, my son has one life. I would not permit it to be ruined by something like this, if it were in any way in my capacity to stop it. Also, not for nothing, but there are many of us who feel that the definition of “rape” - particularly as it relates to incapacity to give affirmative consent in the context of a drunken college hookup— has exceeded rational bounds.

I agree with this. It is beyond idiotic that only women can’t give consent while drunk. Otherwise known as regret sex. I’m not inferring someone unconscious, but both people partying then hook up. These women have as much agency as men and shouldn’t be infantilized by saying they are incapable of owning their actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

The number of girls ruined far outnumbers the boys. The number of actual sexual assaults far outnumbers the number of false claims.

Np: so that makes false claims ok and not worthy of punishment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

Sorry, my son has one life. I would not permit it to be ruined by something like this, if it were in any way in my capacity to stop it. Also, not for nothing, but there are many of us who feel that the definition of “rape” - particularly as it relates to incapacity to give affirmative consent in the context of a drunken college hookup— has exceeded rational bounds.

I agree with this. It is beyond idiotic that only women can’t give consent while drunk. Otherwise known as regret sex. I’m not inferring someone unconscious, but both people partying then hook up. These women have as much agency as men and shouldn’t be infantilized by saying they are incapable of owning their actions.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

What rock have you been living under? Google Duke Lacrosse Rape and Brian Banks to name two. Smh.

Or talk to a group of 5 or more women. You don’t even have to use google to find a survivor of sexual assault!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be surprised but most of the parents will be either in denial that their child would ever do something like that, or go into a full protective mode (top lawyers, etc.). I've never seen any parent turning their child in, and I worked in a criminal system for many years.

This is exactly what I would do. I’m both a survivor of campus rape and a mom of a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

Sorry, my son has one life. I would not permit it to be ruined by something like this, if it were in any way in my capacity to stop it. Also, not for nothing, but there are many of us who feel that the definition of “rape” - particularly as it relates to incapacity to give affirmative consent in the context of a drunken college hookup— has exceeded rational bounds.

I agree with this. It is beyond idiotic that only women can’t give consent while drunk. Otherwise known as regret sex. I’m not inferring someone unconscious, but both people partying then hook up. These women have as much agency as men and shouldn’t be infantilized by saying they are incapable of owning their actions.

No one can legally consent while drunk. Idk why you think it only applies to women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

Exactly. I can’t even tell you how many women I know who have been raped. Over a hundred, easily. I know of literally no man who was falsely accused. It’s a myth, or as rare as a lightning striking a person. Men rape with impunity a lot.

Who the hell are you hanging out with? I’m 50 years old and know of only one. Or maybe you and yours consider anything and everything as rape.