If your son sexually assaulted a girl WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My step son (20) got my 14 YO intoxicated & raped her while she was in & out of consciousness. His mother is insistent that my daughter is lying & that her DS is the victim here. It's insane what she is doing to further harm my daughter while trying to justify what her son did. FYI that the son ADMITTED to both drinking & sexual contact with my 14 YO & the laws are very clear, but her son said that y 14 YO child "wanted it" and she is hellbent on trying to get him to not have any consequences. My child did not consent, nor can a 14 YO consent, nor can an intoxicated person (adult or child) can consent, nor can someone unconscious (adult or child) consent. Right after this came out, rapist momma got her son a kitten because we got kittens at our house & she felt like he was being excluded. She then dropped this 20 YO rapist off at a local high school a few days later to hang out with underage girls, one of which he hooked up with when he was 19 & she was "14/15" according to text messages he sent himself, & now he is currently dating another underage girl with his momma's full approval. The police will have a hayday with her response to his behaviors. His dad, my partner, on the other hand, is really torn. He sees the damage done to my child but also fears for his son's future, and I think it has been almost impossible for him to fully accept, but he has accepted some of those things. It's hard to reconcile that the baby boy you loved and who can buy his mom flowers for mothers day or who you can laugh with at the dinner table can also have a dark side that is capable of harming a child in this way. It's a difficult position to be in as the parent of the rapist when the rapist hurt your partner's youngest child. With that said, time will tell what direction they all go & how it will impact the family as the detectives are wrapping up interviews & their investigations probably within the next month & that is going to be very telling. I am hopeful that my partner will convince his son to just admit what he did so they can negotiate a fair plea. I loved this young man as my own son for several years that I have been in their family, but the ex wife absolutely raised him to be this way-- never any accountability or consequences & a strong sense of entitlement that he obviously got from her. She is a mamma bear and will walk through fire for him to protect him from the consequences of his own actions even if it means destroying a traumatized young girl who never wanted this. My child is having extreme trauma responses because as a child who already had ADHD & social anxiety, she already is below her age with emotional regulation so throwing childhood trauma from a trusted & loved family member has completely destroyed her. She can't even handle basic conflict or redirection without a full meltdown. I have taken so much time off work to help her that I no longer have vacation or sick days. It's an impossibly difficult situation and we are barely getting by. And time will tell if my partner will step up for what is right while also hoping for some mercy for his son or if he will crumble & follow his ex wife's manipulative insanity where she guilts him to "do anything to protect his son or he's a bad father" Sorry lady. He's only a bad father if he tries to cover up rape. If he helps his son accept accountability & gives him love through the process, that is what will make him a good father. But good parents expect accountability, even when it is hard. So all you parents saying you would "protect" your son. F*** you all if you won't include accountability in that because love without accountability is not love at all. All I know is that I'm watching. And if I see anyone betray my daughter to protect someone who caused such harm, I will cut ties & sink ships before you know it. With that said, again, I loved this young man for years as my own & I hope that he gets fairness & an opportunity to have sex offender reprogramming so he can hopefully have a future that benefits society instead of harming it.

--Stressed & sad mother of a childhood rape victim

I don't know what this post is...it's a rant. But in case it's real, I am so sorry for what your DD may have experienced here. Sounds quite traumatic. However, that kid's father is every bit as responsible as the mother--maybe more so, as it sounds like he abandoned his family and started another one. You absolutely cannot blame the mother and then hold the father blameless. You cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

I'd likely do the same; however, boys don't just "find themselves" in these situations.

Exactly, I was going to add I’m very close with my son as a father. Closer than most I would think, but who knows, we talk about everything, so if he were accused of something I would be more apt to go into full protective mode.

Even if he admitted to it?

I would feel like a failure as a parent and probably abandon him, honestly. Parent by natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call the police. Not paying for a defense lawyer either.

Same!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love my son but I would not defend him or pay for defense unless I could be absolutely sure he did not do it.

This!

One doesn't stop loving thier kid, but I personally would be so sad, angry, amd hurt by what he did that I would literally let him fall on his own sword. Then I would be sad he ruined his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve talked to my older teen about my own assault, and other women I have known who have dealt with similar. I can only hope that would somehow be on his mind . I have no evidence he treats girls poorly, and if I did, he would be hearing from my husband and I for sure.

Those of us with daughters appreciate this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

OMG This is horrible and you are a terrible person who should burn. Just being honest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what parents do. And then, they find out about the other girls or years later, the women in college and in his office.

I know of around three guys who were accused in what were BS cases and in each case it really left a mark on the boys. They each ended up getting happily married and would never get themselves into a situation like that again. It takes two.

It takes two in order for one of them to be raped? What the actual f*ck?

It depends on how you define rape. But yes. -mom of teen girls

ok you define it. OMG so many horrible people here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be surprised but most of the parents will be either in denial that their child would ever do something like that, or go into a full protective mode (top lawyers, etc.). I've never seen any parent turning their child in, and I worked in a criminal system for many years.

Yeah, I mean I’m not sure any of us can possibly know how we would react but I do know I love my son (who is only 10) unconditionally and I’d guess that unless the assault was against my daughter/his sister, I’d go to the end of the Earth to protect him. Isn’t that what parents do? Just being honest here.

It’s not what good parents do. Good parents don’t enable rapists just because the victim is someone else’s family member.

All these parents saying they would basically re-traumize the girl by knowingly staying ignorant of the facts or knowing them, but ignoring them -so basically LYING, are disgusting. I say this as the mother of a son and daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry about this. My son has ADHD and still has zero impulse control at 13. We've talked long and often about consent, about getting explicit consent, about stopping at any point if the partner says no. But still, I worry he won't see that his partner doesn't want to go further, etc.

I've done sexual assault victim counseling in the past, as a volunteer. There are actually a lot of men who somehow think what happened was consensual, when it's VERY obvious the woman did not consent. Sometimes it's alcohol/drugs, but sometimes it's nothing in particular. It's scary.

Thank you for recognizing this in your son. This is the first step. Luckily I'm not in your situation, but I do say keep the conversations going. The little voice that stops him in the back of his head may be yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m reading this awful article in Vanity Fair about an assault at St. Paul’s in the early 90s and thinking what would I do if I knew/thought my son had done something like that. As a survivor of assault, myself, it makes me physically ill to think about. There is a lot I could forgive my sons for, but not sure I could ever get over that.

I worry about this. My kid has ADHD. He is both impulsive and does not read all social cues very well. Add sexual arousal to it and it could be horrible. I have talked to him, early and often, about consent. I feel like I've done, and continue to do, the best I can to ensure he never touches anyone without consent.

So I am sure he wouldn't do any type of stranger assault. I don't think he'd be involved in something like date rape. If he is, he must face the consequences. But I wouldn't stop loving him. All people are more than the worst thing they've done. But that doesn't mean they should avoid punishment, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 25, I was accused of molesting a neighbor's kid. This was a retaliatory move because I called the police on her older brother who was throwing rocks at my car (captured with a video recorded (pre cell phone) from my bedroom.

I was accused but never arrested. Why? Well, the girl said I was repeatedly stalking her, and flashing her. Three days in a row. On the third day, the police (unbeknownst to me) had a tail on me. They saw that I left my place at 7:00 AM or so, Drove to the university where I was a grad student, went in to the lab, and was working from 7:20 on, only leaving to get coffee and go to the bathroom. The police knew where I was, and the girl claimed I tried to molest her. I think they thought they would bust me, but they did not.

I don't know what happened to the girl. I moved out of the neighborhood (landlord let me break the lease).

With that said, reaction would be very different if he did assult a woman.

Are you able to sue the girl and their family since they filed false charges and slandered your reputation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry about this. My son has ADHD and still has zero impulse control at 13. We've talked long and often about consent, about getting explicit consent, about stopping at any point if the partner says no. But still, I worry he won't see that his partner doesn't want to go further, etc.

I've done sexual assault victim counseling in the past, as a volunteer. There are actually a lot of men who somehow think what happened was consensual, when it's VERY obvious the woman did not consent. Sometimes it's alcohol/drugs, but sometimes it's nothing in particular. It's scary.

Thank you for recognizing this in your son. This is the first step. Luckily I'm not in your situation, but I do say keep the conversations going. The little voice that stops him in the back of his head may be yours.

Didn't realize this was an old thread and I just responded again. I will say my son is doing pretty well, although it doesn't take away the worry. I do see now that when the kids have drugs and alcohol in the mix, it gets even more risky. My kid mostly makes good decisions in general, but sometimes he can make really stupid ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You're right! I absolutely don't share your concept of family when it comes to violent criminals. Just like the justice system doesn't not grant the right to vote for prisoners, my concept of family doesn't not extend to violent criminals, including rapists amd murders. Honestly, there's something wrong with your moral compass.

My love does not stop at the door, by assistance does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

What rock have you been living under? Google Duke Lacrosse Rape and Brian Banks to name two. Smh.

Or talk to a group of 5 or more women. You don’t even have to use google to find a survivor of sexual assault!

This! Those are the stats and they seem pretty accurate to me based on my friend group. It transcends class/race/ethnicity boundaries too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

And if he raped a 6 year old would this still be your view? If not, why does the age change your opinion?

How do you know he did it?

The premise is that you believe he did it. If you believe he did what would you do.

If you don't believe he did this the situation is different and it's a different thread. Are you saying if you believe he did this you would convince yourself that he didn't? Wierd.