I can’t do this anymore. I think I am having a mental meltdown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so with you, however, my husband is the exact opposite. We are in our 50's with a 3 year old. My husband is convinced that if he gets it, he will die. Last night I got the "drama llama" response of " do you want to leave X an orphan?" I was asking to hire a sitter for a few hours a couple of times a week to give me a break and to give us both a chance to competently do my job. Our son hasn't seen another kid since March 11. I get him out to play every day but it is with me. I can't reason with his irrational fear.

I am in the same position- times 3. The mental health of my children is my concern- so we’ve had play dates with maybe not so strict rules. Outside bc we’ve had nice weather. When my DD cried two weeks ago because she missed her friends (she sees every day via computer but not in person) I thought enough. I plan play dates first then tell DH after.
I can tell you OP having in person play dates/ and or meetings with friends has made a huge difference in my children’s mental health.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and sil is feeling the same with her two. The kids are bored out of their minds. Only so much you can do for months at a time in the same backyard day after day. Now that I can squeeze work in to my two days, her kids are going to come to my house one day a week. Boating is starting up again too finally.

This week I made them a crazy water set up, played, made lunch together took them all for ice cream and then back to the water toys. It will be a long summer for everyone and we will do our best to make it fun and safe, within reason.

[Anonymous]

I had a breakdown too. It’s terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I empathize, I am not there yet. 6.5 yr old and 2 yr old while I’m working from home with DH. It’s tough. But we’re hanging in. I think when older child’s remote kindergarten ends next week, it will be easier.

+1. Exact same. I fear the virus far more than an emotional collapse. I doubt we’ll do things any differently until September at the earliest.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

[Anonymous]

Oh good grief, can people post about their struggles without being shamed for them? I guess not, especially here.

This is not how most of us were parenting before the pandemic, that's for sure. It's a big adjustment. My only advice, which is I hope is useful, is stop treating it like your job is to make your kids happy and not bored. That's not your job. Your job is to provide the basics of life, love your kids, spend time with them doing family activities etc. It's not to fill every minute of their day like a cruise director. And if your kids are a bit older? What are THEY doing to be a productive and useful member of the household? Laundry? Dusting?

There's a lot to be done and it shouldn't fall all on the parents, beyond infancy. Even toddlers can be trained to help clean up their toys.

[Anonymous]

GET CHILDCARE. It’s ridiculous to expect yourself to work AND take care of your kids for weeks on end. We’ve had our nanny continue to come throughout the pandemic and as a result things are so nice and relaxed at our house. She takes care of DD and helps with laundry and dinner prep during naptime. You deserve the same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

Same for us. No outsourcing. But it is still difficult bc the kids miss their friends and we are getting bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

It isn’t much of a change because you aren’t trying to work 40 hrs a week in addition to being a SAHM. You’re basically saying any mom who works is hands off/checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GET CHILDCARE. It’s ridiculous to expect yourself to work AND take care of your kids for weeks on end. We’ve had our nanny continue to come throughout the pandemic and as a result things are so nice and relaxed at our house. She takes care of DD and helps with laundry and dinner prep during naptime. You deserve the same!

+1. Our nanny has been a true lifesaver. I always worked from home primarily but DH worked downtown with long hours. We’ve both been working from home in a two bedroom condo with no yard or outside space at all. Nanny handles everything for DS, found interesting parks and brings stuff for him to do. She’s kept him happy and learning and DH and I same even through we moved during this isolation and I had horrific morning sickness for the first three months. And she’s a joy. We’re the only people she sees and she’s the only person we see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GET CHILDCARE. It’s ridiculous to expect yourself to work AND take care of your kids for weeks on end. We’ve had our nanny continue to come throughout the pandemic and as a result things are so nice and relaxed at our house. She takes care of DD and helps with laundry and dinner prep during naptime. You deserve the same!

+1. Our nanny has been a true lifesaver. I always worked from home primarily but DH worked downtown with long hours. We’ve both been working from home in a two bedroom condo with no yard or outside space at all. Nanny handles everything for DS, found interesting parks and brings stuff for him to do. She’s kept him happy and learning and DH and I same even through we moved during this isolation and I had horrific morning sickness for the first three months. And she’s a joy. We’re the only people she sees and she’s the only person we see.

So she doesn’t go home to her own family, who presumably goes shopping? And you don’t go out at all to shop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GET CHILDCARE. It’s ridiculous to expect yourself to work AND take care of your kids for weeks on end. We’ve had our nanny continue to come throughout the pandemic and as a result things are so nice and relaxed at our house. She takes care of DD and helps with laundry and dinner prep during naptime. You deserve the same!

+1. Our nanny has been a true lifesaver. I always worked from home primarily but DH worked downtown with long hours. We’ve both been working from home in a two bedroom condo with no yard or outside space at all. Nanny handles everything for DS, found interesting parks and brings stuff for him to do. She’s kept him happy and learning and DH and I same even through we moved during this isolation and I had horrific morning sickness for the first three months. And she’s a joy. We’re the only people she sees and she’s the only person we see.

So she doesn’t go home to her own family, who presumably goes shopping? And you don’t go out at all to shop?

Our nanny is single and lives alone. She is 62 so she goes to the empty senior hour at our local grocery store and shops for us and herself on Tuesday mornings. That’s it. She walks or drives to our house.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know started doing outdoor play dates once we went into phase 1.

[Anonymous]

I grew up poor in a rural southern state. Until I was old enough to drive, I had no neighborhood friends.

We couldn’t afford camp, both parents worked. It was hardly the end of the world.

I read a ton of books, drew some, did chores around the house, watched some tv and Atari, and when my parents got home we made dinner and played cards.

Nowadays, when they can video call friends and family, summon movies and games at a whim, and drop shop art craft kits and science projects for peanuts, your kids will be fine. Give them the tools and they will find a way through this hardship of a summer spent at home in air conditioning watching Netflix and Xbox.

[Anonymous]

Yes, just booked our airline ticket for the Summer.