I can’t do this anymore. I think I am having a mental meltdown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

NP. You are probably the most unlikeable person I have ever encountered on DCUM, and that's saying something.

And no, I am not freaking out about any of those things or on the verge of a mental breakdown. But you are a real peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s more a function of WHERE you live than a function of how dysfunctional your family is. People living in suburbs expect to spend a lot of time at home and have their homes set up to pretty much spend all of their time there. People have nice kitchens and in-ground pools. On the other hand, people living in the city expect to spend most of their lives in the city outside their homes. Kitchens are small and set up to be used only rarely. Living areas are small because entertaining would usually take place at a restaurant or somewhere outside the home.
So, people in suburban and rural areas are just having an easier time with quarantine because their physical space is set up for it.

This is so true. We moved out of DC to the beach and I can't imagine dealing with this when we were in our rowhouse in the city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

+1

The SAHM's inability to empathize is disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

I’m not the above SAHM poster. I work part time without childcare. Working full time while providing full time care to a special needs child is insane. And the reasons that SAHMs get slammed (can’t hack it at work, don’t need any mental stimulation, etc) all imply that this is something anyone can do, but most people choose not to.

So, either admit that you cannot be a SAHM, and the reason you are working is because you have put yourself in a situation where you need the money, or realize that every day this is a choice you make and stop complaining about it.

You think people should make fundamental life change to deal with the momentary challenges of a temporary crisis? That’s, um, stupid.

You can’t take time off work without making a “fundamental life change?” What happens if you need surgery, or when you had a baby, or you have an accident and need a few months to recover? You are never going to work again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s more a function of WHERE you live than a function of how dysfunctional your family is. People living in suburbs expect to spend a lot of time at home and have their homes set up to pretty much spend all of their time there. People have nice kitchens and in-ground pools. On the other hand, people living in the city expect to spend most of their lives in the city outside their homes. Kitchens are small and set up to be used only rarely. Living areas are small because entertaining would usually take place at a restaurant or somewhere outside the home.
So, people in suburban and rural areas are just having an easier time with quarantine because their physical space is set up for it.

This is so true. We moved out of DC to the beach and I can't imagine dealing with this when we were in our rowhouse in the city.

I can’t either. We just moved a little further away into the burbs. There is a little lake nearby where we go kayaking and fishing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

I’m not the above SAHM poster. I work part time without childcare. Working full time while providing full time care to a special needs child is insane. And the reasons that SAHMs get slammed (can’t hack it at work, don’t need any mental stimulation, etc) all imply that this is something anyone can do, but most people choose not to.

So, either admit that you cannot be a SAHM, and the reason you are working is because you have put yourself in a situation where you need the money, or realize that every day this is a choice you make and stop complaining about it.

You think people should make fundamental life change to deal with the momentary challenges of a temporary crisis? That’s, um, stupid.

You can’t take time off work without making a “fundamental life change?” What happens if you need surgery, or when you had a baby, or you have an accident and need a few months to recover? You are never going to work again?

Spoken like someone who has no clue how a leave of absence works. Go back to finger painting and let the grown-ups talk about how to manage working during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

I’m not the above SAHM poster. I work part time without childcare. Working full time while providing full time care to a special needs child is insane. And the reasons that SAHMs get slammed (can’t hack it at work, don’t need any mental stimulation, etc) all imply that this is something anyone can do, but most people choose not to.

So, either admit that you cannot be a SAHM, and the reason you are working is because you have put yourself in a situation where you need the money, or realize that every day this is a choice you make and stop complaining about it.

You think people should make fundamental life change to deal with the momentary challenges of a temporary crisis? That’s, um, stupid.

You can’t take time off work without making a “fundamental life change?” What happens if you need surgery, or when you had a baby, or you have an accident and need a few months to recover? You are never going to work again?

Spoken like someone who has no clue how a leave of absence works. Go back to finger painting and let the grown-ups talk about how to manage working during the pandemic.

Pp here. As I said, I am not a SAHM. I am managing without childcare or a spouse who also works from home.
But if I couldn’t figure it out, then damn straight I would take a leave. People trying to work while also providing full time care to an infant and a two year old are probably doing poor work and damaging their careers more than they are helping them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

+1

The SAHM's inability to empathize is disturbing.

Remember all those stupid memes they were posting when this all started, like how we were all suddenly going to appreciate what they do all day? Didn’t go so well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

I’m not the above SAHM poster. I work part time without childcare. Working full time while providing full time care to a special needs child is insane. And the reasons that SAHMs get slammed (can’t hack it at work, don’t need any mental stimulation, etc) all imply that this is something anyone can do, but most people choose not to.

So, either admit that you cannot be a SAHM, and the reason you are working is because you have put yourself in a situation where you need the money, or realize that every day this is a choice you make and stop complaining about it.

You think people should make fundamental life change to deal with the momentary challenges of a temporary crisis? That’s, um, stupid.

You can’t take time off work without making a “fundamental life change?” What happens if you need surgery, or when you had a baby, or you have an accident and need a few months to recover? You are never going to work again?

Spoken like someone who has no clue how a leave of absence works. Go back to finger painting and let the grown-ups talk about how to manage working during the pandemic.

Pp here. As I said, I am not a SAHM. I am managing without childcare or a spouse who also works from home.
But if I couldn’t figure it out, then damn straight I would take a leave. People trying to work while also providing full time care to an infant and a two year old are probably doing poor work and damaging their careers more than they are helping them.

For many people, a leave of absence isn’t an option. Not everyone qualifies for FFCRA - if your employer has over 500 employees, it doesn’t apply to you, and if your employer has fewer than 50 employees, they may qualify for an exemption. That means a lot of people can only take unpaid leave, and they have zero job protection if they do. And even if you do qualify, not everyone can afford to give up a third of their pay, especially if they’re still paying for childcare they can’t use in order to keep their spot for when things re-open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

I’m not the above SAHM poster. I work part time without childcare. Working full time while providing full time care to a special needs child is insane. And the reasons that SAHMs get slammed (can’t hack it at work, don’t need any mental stimulation, etc) all imply that this is something anyone can do, but most people choose not to.

So, either admit that you cannot be a SAHM, and the reason you are working is because you have put yourself in a situation where you need the money, or realize that every day this is a choice you make and stop complaining about it.

You think people should make fundamental life change to deal with the momentary challenges of a temporary crisis? That’s, um, stupid.

You can’t take time off work without making a “fundamental life change?” What happens if you need surgery, or when you had a baby, or you have an accident and need a few months to recover? You are never going to work again?

Spoken like someone who has no clue how a leave of absence works. Go back to finger painting and let the grown-ups talk about how to manage working during the pandemic.

Pp here. As I said, I am not a SAHM. I am managing without childcare or a spouse who also works from home.
But if I couldn’t figure it out, then damn straight I would take a leave. People trying to work while also providing full time care to an infant and a two year old are probably doing poor work and damaging their careers more than they are helping them.

For many people, a leave of absence isn’t an option. Not everyone qualifies for FFCRA - if your employer has over 500 employees, it doesn’t apply to you, and if your employer has fewer than 50 employees, they may qualify for an exemption. That means a lot of people can only take unpaid leave, and they have zero job protection if they do. And even if you do qualify, not everyone can afford to give up a third of their pay, especially if they’re still paying for childcare they can’t use in order to keep their spot for when things re-open.

I am talking about unpaid leave.
If you aren’t taking any time off because you can’t afford to, then you have my sympathies. I am specifically addressing those people who don’t need to work, could stay home, but choose not to because SAHPs are whatever awful thing (stupid, lazy, boring, childlike, etc.). It’s a pretty vocal and particularly nasty contingent on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

I’m not the above SAHM poster. I work part time without childcare. Working full time while providing full time care to a special needs child is insane. And the reasons that SAHMs get slammed (can’t hack it at work, don’t need any mental stimulation, etc) all imply that this is something anyone can do, but most people choose not to.

So, either admit that you cannot be a SAHM, and the reason you are working is because you have put yourself in a situation where you need the money, or realize that every day this is a choice you make and stop complaining about it.

You think people should make fundamental life change to deal with the momentary challenges of a temporary crisis? That’s, um, stupid.

You can’t take time off work without making a “fundamental life change?” What happens if you need surgery, or when you had a baby, or you have an accident and need a few months to recover? You are never going to work again?

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

+1

The SAHM's inability to empathize is disturbing.

Sorry, but if you are a superwoman WOHM who does everything a SAHM normally does and kills it at work too, then this should be a piece of cake, no?

You are a smart woman and can fix your life. You cannot have a mental meltdown because you are now doing what women around the world do every day. Get up early to finish cooking for the day. Clean in small spurts during the day. If you are efficient at your work then you have a lot of time at home. You are saving on commute time. You also have the weekend to be organized. Get in the habit of spending time with your kids. You gave birth to the children, then why expect someone else to spend time with them? Buck up. You can do it all and do it better than SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

First month of lockdown was chaotic. Things have improved a lot now at home. I can live like this for 1-2 years now I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

I’m not the above SAHM poster. I work part time without childcare. Working full time while providing full time care to a special needs child is insane. And the reasons that SAHMs get slammed (can’t hack it at work, don’t need any mental stimulation, etc) all imply that this is something anyone can do, but most people choose not to.

So, either admit that you cannot be a SAHM, and the reason you are working is because you have put yourself in a situation where you need the money, or realize that every day this is a choice you make and stop complaining about it.

You think people should make fundamental life change to deal with the momentary challenges of a temporary crisis? That’s, um, stupid.

You can’t take time off work without making a “fundamental life change?” What happens if you need surgery, or when you had a baby, or you have an accident and need a few months to recover? You are never going to work again?

Spoken like someone who has no clue how a leave of absence works. Go back to finger painting and let the grown-ups talk about how to manage working during the pandemic.

Pp here. As I said, I am not a SAHM. I am managing without childcare or a spouse who also works from home.
But if I couldn’t figure it out, then damn straight I would take a leave. People trying to work while also providing full time care to an infant and a two year old are probably doing poor work and damaging their careers more than they are helping them.

For many people, a leave of absence isn’t an option. Not everyone qualifies for FFCRA - if your employer has over 500 employees, it doesn’t apply to you, and if your employer has fewer than 50 employees, they may qualify for an exemption. That means a lot of people can only take unpaid leave, and they have zero job protection if they do. And even if you do qualify, not everyone can afford to give up a third of their pay, especially if they’re still paying for childcare they can’t use in order to keep their spot for when things re-open.

I am talking about unpaid leave.
If you aren’t taking any time off because you can’t afford to, then you have my sympathies. I am specifically addressing those people who don’t need to work, could stay home, but choose not to because SAHPs are whatever awful thing (stupid, lazy, boring, childlike, etc.). It’s a pretty vocal and particularly nasty contingent on this board.

I know you're not actually looking to understand, but I'll bite. I work because I enjoy my work and did not enjoy being a SAHM the few months I tried it. I am high enough up in my organization that I cannot just stop working for a few months with no notice. I had months to prepare for my maternity leave and still checked in from time to time. There is no time to train other employees to take over my work and they are also overwhelmed with homeschooling and caring for their children. When I was on maternity leave, they were in the office and their kids were in daycare and school. And honestly, if I were in an accident, I'd likely be calling into meetings and teleworking as soon as possible - with my kids in school and daycare. This situation that we're currently in is like no other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will do what's best for the overall health and safety of my family. If that means we continue to shelter-in-place, then so be it. My kids go outside and play every day. They sometimes play at a distance with other kids. My older kid connects with friends online. I took my kids to the park on Monday, but we kept our distance from other people. This isn't an all or nothing situation, and it never really was. You just have to be mindful, careful, and minimize people contact at this junction. It won't last forever. Yes, its very, very challenging teleworking, being tech support, teaching kids, and trying to make sure assignments are turned in, particularly when teachers are vague, but it is what is for now. I haven't been 100% successful and I dare anyone at work or school to complain about it. I am doing my best.

+ 1

I thinnk people who are having mental breakdowns are the ones who were not very involved parents even before COVID. I think the pandemic has made it clear how dysfunctional many families were. That is the reason child abuse and domestic violence has increased to. Earlier people could escape outside the home. Now we are at home and if it is not a haven then everything falls apart.

It is not an all or nothing situation. People are being creative and kids are also playing outside, studying and connecting with friends online. Is your house is a bit messier? Are the chores not done? Have you not been folding clothes after doing laundry? Yes. For most of us all of this is happening and these are minor inconveninces. There are a lot of benefits of staying at home too - kids being able to sleep in duing the week, No commute, Being with family, leisurely pace of school work, no running from one EC to another...these are all benefits that evens out the drawbacks.

Wait what? Are you saying that if you’re having a hard time now that means your family was already dysfunctional or you were a checked out parent? That’s ludicrous.

DP here. Yes, I think parents who were super hands off/checked out before or outsourced at ton of things are struggling more now. I am SAHM whose husband works a regular 40 hour/week job. We didn't outsource cleaning or have childcare beyond an occasional date night. This hasn't really been that much of an adjustment for us other than everyone missing friends, which is a little better now that we are seeing people outdoors.

I have a different take. I think the parents who were very controlling before, such that their kids didn't have unapproved interactions and who already limited playdates, no exposure to babysitters, no group camps, etc., are not struggling. This is their dream, in fact -- they can isolate and control their kids even more.

This is sooooo spot on! Now the controlling parents are even more emboldened than they were before, and now they can judge everyone else. It really is about control. I sense a lot of anxious kids in our future.

No sweetie, good parents probably avoided letting their kids play with yours because they can spot negligent parents and poorly bought up children. Functional families have a way to make things work. If you have not lost your job and are in good health, then this pandemic is nothing that cannot be endured with grace. People are freaking out because they have to feed the kids or keep the house clean or educate them, even though they are working from home and can take out time to post on DCUM. It is lack of planning and organization that has made these parents into failures. Many parents are lacking in adulting skills like cooking, cleaning, teaching elementary school kids or even knowing how to parent. Many parents are drinking, being neglectful and being unhappy because they want someone else to be with their children.

They are having a MENTAL MELTDOWN. Well, there is probably going to be another 18 months of this stuff.

Imagine having a 40+ hour a week job on top of whatever it is you do. This is why I say, SAHMs should probably step back and let the grownups talk about grownup topics.

Then quit, take a leave of absence, or find childcare.
It’s hardly the fault of some SAHM that you can’t manage your life.

I have childcare (a nanny). I am living my best life right now. But I know many people whose kids were in daycare, and it’s tough to interview or trust a new nanny right now. Or some people have SN school-age kids and it’s hard to manage them while working. Anyone with two brain cells can understand that there are tough situations that don’t arise out of dysfunctional families. Anyone who doesn’t (like this SAHM) should probably stop participating in discussions above their level of understanding.

+1

The SAHM's inability to empathize is disturbing.

Sorry, but if you are a superwoman WOHM who does everything a SAHM normally does and kills it at work too, then this should be a piece of cake, no?

You are a smart woman and can fix your life. You cannot have a mental meltdown because you are now doing what women around the world do every day. Get up early to finish cooking for the day. Clean in small spurts during the day. If you are efficient at your work then you have a lot of time at home. You are saving on commute time. You also have the weekend to be organized. Get in the habit of spending time with your kids. You gave birth to the children, then why expect someone else to spend time with them? Buck up. You can do it all and do it better than SAHMs.

Huh? I don’t know any FT WOHM who claim to do it all without school or daycare/nanny. If they do, then they can’t have very real jobs (“mommy blogger” doesn’t count)