Wow. Quarantine made me realize I don’t like my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I admire your honesty. So many parents I know have the most obnoxious kids but they actually think their spawn is the best thing since sliced bread. So good for you for owning it.

How is she owning it? She is totally acting like her parenting has nothing to do w/ why this kid is annoying. I bet she is a piece of work herself or the husband is--you don't have to look to far for the source.

NP here...I looked back over the thread, and I don't see any additional posts other than the original one that can be attributed to the OP. So I'm not sure where you're getting that OP is "acting like her parenting has nothing to do with it." OP was simply asking if anyone else can relate. And frankly, she didn't seem to be asking for parenting advice.

Relate to what? She clearly got bored after the first two and stopped parenting and is complaining about the 8 year old that always complains...seems pretty obvious to me that OP is part of the f-ing problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one like that. I have to take breaks from him because otherwise I fear that I'm damaging him with all my complaints about his behavior. I think the problem is that we have such different temperaments. I've come to realize during the pandemic what teachers mean by "attention seeking behavior." He is a bottomless pit. He'll make a funny face just pouring himself a glass of orange juice, and if you smile it will explode into a jig that goes out into the living room and turns into a total song and dance routine.

But that isn't 24-7. A lot of the time we are very alike and share inside jokes and ways of doing things. It's a crap shoot which will happen on any given day.

Good luck, OP. If you come up with any strategies, let us know. I'll be following this thread with interest.

That actually sounds hilarious and adorable, as long as you aren't in the middle of trying to get him to do something. You're raising a little entertainer/comedian!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I admire your honesty. So many parents I know have the most obnoxious kids but they actually think their spawn is the best thing since sliced bread. So good for you for owning it.

How is she owning it? She is totally acting like her parenting has nothing to do w/ why this kid is annoying. I bet she is a piece of work herself or the husband is--you don't have to look to far for the source.

NP here...I looked back over the thread, and I don't see any additional posts other than the original one that can be attributed to the OP. So I'm not sure where you're getting that OP is "acting like her parenting has nothing to do with it." OP was simply asking if anyone else can relate. And frankly, she didn't seem to be asking for parenting advice.

Relate to what? She clearly got bored after the first two and stopped parenting and is complaining about the 8 year old that always complains...seems pretty obvious to me that OP is part of the f-ing problem.

Maybe OP is part of the problem. Maybe not. None of that is relevant here. OP was simply asking if anyone else is having this experience of seeing their child in a new light. And maybe two or three people posted things that were appropriate to the original post. Yours wasn't one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

With 1 or 2 kids, sure. With 4+ kids, there's always one who the parents don't like because of the kid's personality.

I can think of two large families off the top of my head with very obvious kids that the parents don't like.

The parents managed to parent the other dozen of collective kids just fine. Those two kids just have something wrong that makes them unpleasant to be around.

Teachers dread getting one of them in their class. They're known throughout the school.

When you have a bunch it must seem OK to accept that you don't like one of them. My friend, mom of 5, flat out told me that she isn't close to her middle child but it's fine because she's tight with the rest of the kids. He is obnoxious and hyperactive and doesn't listen to adults. My friend has essentially stopped parenting him because he's difficult.

OP, parent the child you have.

That may be part of it with some people, but I think there is a humility that comes with more kids, and realizing that even though you may have one kid who is "good" isn't not always a result of what YOU have done, but because they are their own people. Parents of fewer children tend to over attribute their kids' goodness (and badness, if that's a thing) to their own parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

With 1 or 2 kids, sure. With 4+ kids, there's always one who the parents don't like because of the kid's personality.

I can think of two large families off the top of my head with very obvious kids that the parents don't like.

The parents managed to parent the other dozen of collective kids just fine. Those two kids just have something wrong that makes them unpleasant to be around.

Teachers dread getting one of them in their class. They're known throughout the school.

When you have a bunch it must seem OK to accept that you don't like one of them. My friend, mom of 5, flat out told me that she isn't close to her middle child but it's fine because she's tight with the rest of the kids. He is obnoxious and hyperactive and doesn't listen to adults. My friend has essentially stopped parenting him because he's difficult.

OP, parent the child you have.

That may be part of it with some people, but I think there is a humility that comes with more kids, and realizing that even though you may have one kid who is "good" isn't not always a result of what YOU have done, but because they are their own people. Parents of fewer children tend to over attribute their kids' goodness (and badness, if that's a thing) to their own parenting.

Thank you for this comment. This thread has been a dumpster fire of judgment. But this is a sane, logical, wise way of looking at things. What are you doing on DCUM?!?

[Anonymous]

Wasn’t there a new study that just came out that said basically that nurture has so little to do with it it’s not even remotely a debate? This is stupid and this whole debate is so lame.

[Anonymous]

OP, could your child be overtired? When my eldest was 8, he needed much more sleep than the average 8YO. He needed 10-11 hours of sleep each night, or he was the worst version of himself. Even now at 11, he needs still need 9-10 hours. I also cut off screens at least an hour before bedtime. He is a totally different child if he goes to bed late more than two nights in a row.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one like that. I have to take breaks from him because otherwise I fear that I'm damaging him with all my complaints about his behavior. I think the problem is that we have such different temperaments. I've come to realize during the pandemic what teachers mean by "attention seeking behavior." He is a bottomless pit. He'll make a funny face just pouring himself a glass of orange juice, and if you smile it will explode into a jig that goes out into the living room and turns into a total song and dance routine.

But that isn't 24-7. A lot of the time we are very alike and share inside jokes and ways of doing things. It's a crap shoot which will happen on any given day.

Good luck, OP. If you come up with any strategies, let us know. I'll be following this thread with interest.

That actually sounds hilarious and adorable, as long as you aren't in the middle of trying to get him to do something. You're raising a little entertainer/comedian!

That sounds annoying AF. And attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many shitty adults. Many of them are posting on this thread. Are all of you the result of bad parenting, or were you born that way?

Some people are just difficult.

Now that I am a parent, yes, partly bad parenting. There were so many things my parents could have done differently but they were too selfish. We did it differently and can see why its helpful and important. Its a lot of work to parent a child who is struggling in school, home, health issues, special needs and you have to put the effort into it as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are-- they were born that way and they don't really change. I think almost every family, no matter how many kids are in it, has one difficult child. When I think through all the families I know, that is almost always true. There are plenty of difficult people in the world-- why wouldn't there be plenty of families with a difficult child?

If you believe you get what you get, and that’s it, you’re in for a long road. I’ve seen parents raise their kids, start early where they didn’t let their kid dictate how household was run, not everything was a negotiation. They didn’t give empty threats or 27 warnings. Those kids turned out to be amazing teenagers.
I’ve seen parents that would say things like, ‘one more time and we’re leaving’ and say it 10 times. Follow through each and every time, early in their life and you’ll see changes. Most parents that think they are being consistent, really aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn’t there a new study that just came out that said basically that nurture has so little to do with it it’s not even remotely a debate? This is stupid and this whole debate is so lame.

There is a study out there for everything. And in 10 years a new study will come out saying exactly the opposite. Why not just use some common sense? Some behavior occurs because the kid isn’t getting the attention he needs and doesn’t know how to ask for that. Some behavior occurs because of the kid’s personality. Your job as a parent is to figure out how to give the attention he needs but also set limits, and to teach him how to live in a society. So curb the stuff that is bad, but also let his individuality shine.

[Anonymous]

A former obnoxious kid here. It was clear my mother didn't like me. I was always the one blamed, as default.

One thing to keep in mind. The hardest one to love is the one who needs it the most.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I admire your honesty. So many parents I know have the most obnoxious kids but they actually think their spawn is the best thing since sliced bread. So good for you for owning it.

How is she owning it? She is totally acting like her parenting has nothing to do w/ why this kid is annoying. I bet she is a piece of work herself or the husband is--you don't have to look to far for the source.

NP here...I looked back over the thread, and I don't see any additional posts other than the original one that can be attributed to the OP. So I'm not sure where you're getting that OP is "acting like her parenting has nothing to do with it." OP was simply asking if anyone else can relate. And frankly, she didn't seem to be asking for parenting advice.

At least she admitted that some of the child's teachers were right. I cannot tell you how many parents want to blame every teacher for their child's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

+1. Kids are a reflection of their parents and their ability to parent. Always.

They aren’t!!!! My parents were the same parents to all 4 of us. I was the only one constantly in trouble in school in ballet in sports always. I had pretty severe ADHD that wasn’t diagnosed until college. Don’t be a presumptuous twat. Each child is who they are regardless of how wonderful or terrible their parents are.

I have ADHD and I was the "annoying" kid, albeit in a less disruptive way, as I wasn't terrible hyperactive (more inattentive). This was my first thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

+1. Kids are a reflection of their parents and their ability to parent. Always.

Three out of four are likable kids. So...

I guess I’m just 75% effective.