Wow. Quarantine made me realize I don’t like my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are-- they were born that way and they don't really change. I think almost every family, no matter how many kids are in it, has one difficult child. When I think through all the families I know, that is almost always true. There are plenty of difficult people in the world-- why wouldn't there be plenty of families with a difficult child?

Yeah, right. Parenting has no influence on behavior? Hmm... lol.

In my family, my brother is the difficult child. My parents had him when he was young. He was ignored!! My parents were selfish and he bounced around to grandparents, and he never got good parenting. He grew into an angry child. He was born a perfect baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A former annoying kid here. I remember very well the frustration I would see on my mom's face dealing with me. (I have a sibling who had it worse than me.) But could see how much she enjoyed being with another sibling. They just got along better. As a result, all these years later she only really has a well-connected relationship to that favorite child. FWIW

Were you so annoying that your teachers noticed it too, like OP's kid?

No. Super quiet. It was more a matter of too scared, wimpy.... other adjectives?? I was pretty much invisible in school. And mother hated that I was afraid. Other sibling who drove her crazy was ultimately diagnosed with ADD. Sibling mother did well with was overtly confident, smart, but also demanding. Oddly, of the three of us, I am the most successful on a surface level. The other two also successful, just not in ways that are "noticed." I suspect there is Psychology 101 going on here.

[Anonymous]

^^^ My only point with my initial post is that kids sense that parents don't like them as much as they like other of the kids. When parents come on here and say I don't have a favorite when they have been accused of having favorites I assume they just don't want to see it through their kid's eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are-- they were born that way and they don't really change. I think almost every family, no matter how many kids are in it, has one difficult child. When I think through all the families I know, that is almost always true. There are plenty of difficult people in the world-- why wouldn't there be plenty of families with a difficult child?

Yeah, right. Parenting has no influence on behavior? Hmm... lol.

In my family, my brother is the difficult child. My parents had him when he was young. He was ignored!! My parents were selfish and he bounced around to grandparents, and he never got good parenting. He grew into an angry child. He was born a perfect baby.

I disagree. My sister has a personality disorder. She's a middle child and has been difficult since birth - something that my parents, my sibling and I universally agree with. The oldest and youngest get along very well and have never had issues. This is from parents who were very attentive, were very emotionally supportive and strived to treat us equally. Arguably, she took away parenting from time from the two of us because, frankly, she needed it more. She's been doing therapy for the last several years as an adult and it seems to have helped. Sometimes, some kids need more help than others because they weren't dealt the best hand and it has nothing to do with parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

+1. Kids are a reflection of their parents and their ability to parent. Always.

So, how do you explain the huge differences we see in so many families?

I think that just proves the point further. Kids are individuals and need different things.

NP. One of our kids definitely has different needs. He’s high needs and prickly since birth. Diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. He requires much, much more than our other kids and surely doesn’t get all he needs because we are not super heroes. We are just regular parents who make mistakes. Therefore, he is frequently super obnoxious and a jerk. We’ve done our best but it wasn’t enough for him. Fortunately, our other kids are all super easy.

Maybe you had more kids than you could handle as its about you, not the kids. That's pretty sad you know his needs don't get met and don't care and name call vs. parenting him better. Your kids deserve far more, especially that one.

Of course we care that his needs aren’t met. He’s not happy. We aren’t happy. We put 80%+ of our effort into one of our three kids. Obviously, if we knew how to “parent better” we would. We’ve done parenting classes, therapy, interventions at school, various techniques, etc. Since you know it all, please share this missing link because the next option we are considering is medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

+1. Kids are a reflection of their parents and their ability to parent. Always.

+100

I’m just a mom and I see so many unlikable kids too.

Attention hugs
Me me me!
Interrupters
Reactive
Over talkers
Insensitive

Anytime I see a kid who is calm, kind, observant, thoughtful, I’m relieved

Anytime I see a kid who is calm, kind, observant, and thoughtful, I think they are a tiny vampire who is really 200 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A former annoying kid here. I remember very well the frustration I would see on my mom's face dealing with me. (I have a sibling who had it worse than me.) But could see how much she enjoyed being with another sibling. They just got along better. As a result, all these years later she only really has a well-connected relationship to that favorite child. FWIW

Interesting. I was the difficult kid and my younger sibling got all the praise and hugs. It made me tough and resilient and then as adults I am "the favorite" and my spoiled younger sibling who was a failure to launch complains constantly about what our parents owe them.

[Anonymous]

You know OP I admire your honesty. So many parents I know have the most obnoxious kids but they actually think their spawn is the best thing since sliced bread. So good for you for owning it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I admire your honesty. So many parents I know have the most obnoxious kids but they actually think their spawn is the best thing since sliced bread. So good for you for owning it.

How is she owning it? She is totally acting like her parenting has nothing to do w/ why this kid is annoying. I bet she is a piece of work herself or the husband is--you don't have to look to far for the source.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

With 1 or 2 kids, sure. With 4+ kids, there's always one who the parents don't like because of the kid's personality.

I can think of two large families off the top of my head with very obvious kids that the parents don't like.

The parents managed to parent the other dozen of collective kids just fine. Those two kids just have something wrong that makes them unpleasant to be around.

Teachers dread getting one of them in their class. They're known throughout the school.

When you have a bunch it must seem OK to accept that you don't like one of them. My friend, mom of 5, flat out told me that she isn't close to her middle child but it's fine because she's tight with the rest of the kids. He is obnoxious and hyperactive and doesn't listen to adults. My friend has essentially stopped parenting him because he's difficult.

OP, parent the child you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ My only point with my initial post is that kids sense that parents don't like them as much as they like other of the kids. When parents come on here and say I don't have a favorite when they have been accused of having favorites I assume they just don't want to see it through their kid's eyes.

Well parents can't help how they feel. They're human. What are they supposed to do about it? If a kid is really annoying it's not hard to understand why the parents start disliking being with them. It's, as they say, a vicious cycle. The only thing you can control is your commitment to them, not "liking" them. That's what matters the most to kids, anyway. You are not their friends. Your job is to raise them and be there for them, not be friends with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

Same situation here. I couldn’t agree more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I admire your honesty. So many parents I know have the most obnoxious kids but they actually think their spawn is the best thing since sliced bread. So good for you for owning it.

How is she owning it? She is totally acting like her parenting has nothing to do w/ why this kid is annoying. I bet she is a piece of work herself or the husband is--you don't have to look to far for the source.

NP here...I looked back over the thread, and I don't see any additional posts other than the original one that can be attributed to the OP. So I'm not sure where you're getting that OP is "acting like her parenting has nothing to do with it." OP was simply asking if anyone else can relate. And frankly, she didn't seem to be asking for parenting advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a school (though am not a teacher). So many kids are unlikeable these days because parents refuse to parent.

Same situation here. I couldn’t agree more.

Well most people don't parent their kids much. Just on the weekends. So OP can't really be to blame for her kid's personality.

[Anonymous]

There are many shitty adults. Many of them are posting on this thread. Are all of you the result of bad parenting, or were you born that way?

Some people are just difficult.