Spouse asks you to come home from later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset and worried that it would be a repetitive request to stay out of the house. I would find it odd that my spouse could not manage a simple task, if it were a one off request, and adjust. This would make me question their overall ability to handle life. Of course, I wouldn't be married a person that becomes easily overwhelmed with a temporary change.

The playdates will only increase in the future, are you going to ask him to stay away always. He might take it as a cue to visit his mistress. be careful of the table that you set, you might not want to sit and eat dinner one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my spouse to come home a little later if they were going to come home in the middle of bedtime routine. Either come home before bedtime routine or after they’re in bed but not in the middle.

Really? Whenever my spouse comes home at bedtime, it pushes the kids' sleep by at least 30 minutes. Then the kids are crabby and I have to spend longer time putting them to bed. It's not too much to ask that they be considerate of that when the kids are really young.

I'm with you. I'm the one who posted above about DH starting a tickle war after the kids were peacefully tucked in falling asleep. We're still married, but it was a close call after that (I kid. Mostly.) Did you miss that whole long thread a while back? People were outraged at the thought of asking the spouse (usually it's dad) to come before or after bedtime but not in the middle, but I totally get it. Not only is it annoying for the parent who is doing bedtime, it can negatively affect the kids for all of the next day. Not fair to anyone.

I remember that too. I honestly feel that most of the people on that thread either had helpful spouses who were typically there for bedtime and would actually take over some of the bedtime routine, or they didn’t have children at all.

Well yes, I wouldn't marry someone who isn't interested in taking care of his children. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my spouse to come home a little later if they were going to come home in the middle of bedtime routine. Either come home before bedtime routine or after they’re in bed but not in the middle.

Really? Whenever my spouse comes home at bedtime, it pushes the kids' sleep by at least 30 minutes. Then the kids are crabby and I have to spend longer time putting them to bed. It's not too much to ask that they be considerate of that when the kids are really young.

I'm with you. I'm the one who posted above about DH starting a tickle war after the kids were peacefully tucked in falling asleep. We're still married, but it was a close call after that (I kid. Mostly.) Did you miss that whole long thread a while back? People were outraged at the thought of asking the spouse (usually it's dad) to come before or after bedtime but not in the middle, but I totally get it. Not only is it annoying for the parent who is doing bedtime, it can negatively affect the kids for all of the next day. Not fair to anyone.

What about the father who wants to see his kids?

Parents seeing their kids is very important. Therefore, come home before bedtime starts. He can even do bedtime, thus getting plenty of time with the kids. Or the weekends. Or telework days. We wouldn't say that dads who come home at 1 am should be able to wake up their kids to see them. It's great that you want to see them, but it has to be on a schedule that doesn't mess them up in the process. I also think there's a difference between a dad doing this once in a blue moon or a dad (or other parent, gender's not relevant) trying to do this every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my spouse to come home a little later if they were going to come home in the middle of bedtime routine. Either come home before bedtime routine or after they’re in bed but not in the middle.

Really? Whenever my spouse comes home at bedtime, it pushes the kids' sleep by at least 30 minutes. Then the kids are crabby and I have to spend longer time putting them to bed. It's not too much to ask that they be considerate of that when the kids are really young.

I'm with you. I'm the one who posted above about DH starting a tickle war after the kids were peacefully tucked in falling asleep. We're still married, but it was a close call after that (I kid. Mostly.) Did you miss that whole long thread a while back? People were outraged at the thought of asking the spouse (usually it's dad) to come before or after bedtime but not in the middle, but I totally get it. Not only is it annoying for the parent who is doing bedtime, it can negatively affect the kids for all of the next day. Not fair to anyone.

I remember that too. I honestly feel that most of the people on that thread either had helpful spouses who were typically there for bedtime and would actually take over some of the bedtime routine, or they didn’t have children at all.

Well yes, I wouldn't marry someone who isn't interested in taking care of his children. YMMV.

Well, since perfect you married the perfect spouse, perhaps you shouldn't weigh in. This thread is for imperfect humans trying their best to deal with imperfect situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my spouse to come home a little later if they were going to come home in the middle of bedtime routine. Either come home before bedtime routine or after they’re in bed but not in the middle.

Really? Whenever my spouse comes home at bedtime, it pushes the kids' sleep by at least 30 minutes. Then the kids are crabby and I have to spend longer time putting them to bed. It's not too much to ask that they be considerate of that when the kids are really young.

I'm with you. I'm the one who posted above about DH starting a tickle war after the kids were peacefully tucked in falling asleep. We're still married, but it was a close call after that (I kid. Mostly.) Did you miss that whole long thread a while back? People were outraged at the thought of asking the spouse (usually it's dad) to come before or after bedtime but not in the middle, but I totally get it. Not only is it annoying for the parent who is doing bedtime, it can negatively affect the kids for all of the next day. Not fair to anyone.

I remember that too. I honestly feel that most of the people on that thread either had helpful spouses who were typically there for bedtime and would actually take over some of the bedtime routine, or they didn’t have children at all.

Well yes, I wouldn't marry someone who isn't interested in taking care of his children. YMMV.

My husband and I had our children after we married. His children are mine too. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

OP, think of something he can do that would actually be helpful (pick up take out for the two of you and chicken nuggets for the kids?), and ask him to do that. He will feel like your hero instead of the poor slob who only makes your life worse.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you just have this play date at a different time of day where it won’t affect your spouses usual schedule?

I’d be annoyed if my spouse asked me to not come home after a day at work when I’m ready to go home and see my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my spouse to come home a little later if they were going to come home in the middle of bedtime routine. Either come home before bedtime routine or after they’re in bed but not in the middle.

Really? Whenever my spouse comes home at bedtime, it pushes the kids' sleep by at least 30 minutes. Then the kids are crabby and I have to spend longer time putting them to bed. It's not too much to ask that they be considerate of that when the kids are really young.

I'm with you. I'm the one who posted above about DH starting a tickle war after the kids were peacefully tucked in falling asleep. We're still married, but it was a close call after that (I kid. Mostly.) Did you miss that whole long thread a while back? People were outraged at the thought of asking the spouse (usually it's dad) to come before or after bedtime but not in the middle, but I totally get it. Not only is it annoying for the parent who is doing bedtime, it can negatively affect the kids for all of the next day. Not fair to anyone.

I remember that too. I honestly feel that most of the people on that thread either had helpful spouses who were typically there for bedtime and would actually take over some of the bedtime routine, or they didn’t have children at all.

Well yes, I wouldn't marry someone who isn't interested in taking care of his children. YMMV.

My husband and I had our children after we married. His children are mine too. YMMV.

Huh? I feel like you’re trying to be cute but it’s not working.

[Anonymous]

You all are a bunch of homebodies. You couldn’t find something to do after work ONE evening?

[Anonymous]

If my spouse told me to come home later cause of a playdate, I'd gladly use that extra "me-time".

[Anonymous]

sounds like the wife has a play date with "Chad."
I'm sure that having the DH come home from work would make that playdate awkward.

[Anonymous]

I have hosted play dates and moms bolt as soon as dh came home. i told them they didn't have to rush out but they did.

I wouldn't tell dh to come home later but I understand.

[Anonymous]

Next stop Camelot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are a bunch of homebodies. You couldn’t find something to do after work ONE evening?

That’s not the point.

[Anonymous]

I find it a bit strange but if it was a one-off thing I would not care. Regularly? Yes weird.

It could be anything- some sort of holiday surprise project yes. Or maybe the friend (the adult not the kid) is having an issue she wants to talk over privately (marital or health problems etc) while the kids play? I’d explain that to my own DH (In vague terms at least- so he knows why I’m asking)

I’d ask gently (why?) but let it go if it’s a one time thing, personally.