Spouse asks you to come home from later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. No there's no surprise involved. Spouse hates surprises. The explanation was that it would just make managing the playdate and dinner a bit easier with a house full of kids with their friends in the middle of the week.

Do you and spouse have disagreements about parenting, like one of you is much stricter with the kids than the other or one of you is critical of the other’s parenting style? Do you have a history of being annoyed by loud, rambunctious children? Do your children have any friends that your spouse knows you don’t like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. No there's no surprise involved. Spouse hates surprises. The explanation was that it would just make managing the playdate and dinner a bit easier with a house full of kids with their friends in the middle of the week.

In that case no, it's unreasonable and obnoxious to be asked to not come back to your own house.

[Anonymous]

I could maybe see why. My exDH hated all my friends- nothing wrong with them, he just hated having people around in general- and it would have been a nightmare trying to take care of both him and guests. Then I would have had to listen to him complain all night about how poorly behaved the kids were.

[Anonymous]

Are you typically a grouchy grump who is known to ruin or put a damper on get-togethers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. No there's no surprise involved. Spouse hates surprises. The explanation was that it would just make managing the playdate and dinner a bit easier with a house full of kids with their friends in the middle of the week.

Things in general are easier with my husband there, or else at least not harder. He would either help out/make conversation, or retreat off to another room to work out or play on his phone. Do you behave in such a way that it’s easier not to have you around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the old bitter skeptical and suspicious folks grumbling about how annoying and odd the request is.

What happened to your optimism?
What happened to your faith in the one you love?
Any of you even stop to think your spouse could be setting things up for a surprise romantic evening for you two?

Sheesh.

Because the nature of the request is odd. Telling the spouse that it's easier if they aren't home during the playdate signals that there is something wrong with the spouse.

I've planned surprise things for DH. I ask him to pick me up something from the store. Plus, if ops spouse is hosting a playdate that means they are home and would have time to set.up a surprise without telling them they couldn't come home.

Really? Is it ok to hang out with friends outside of your home without your spouse? Or does that also imply that there is something wrong?

Your comment doesn't make sense. Going out with friends without your spouse is very different from telling your spouse not to come home after work because you're hosting a playdate

[Anonymous]

I would assume that there is something that I am known to do which makes my presence a complicating factor in the play dates. An example would be my husband, who is notorious for riling kids up (to the point of actually getting them out of the bed that they were happily lying on, falling asleep, to start a tickle war) when he comes home in the middle of the routine. I would ask if there is anything I can modify to make things easier and listen open-heartedly to the response. If I decide that the requested change is something that I don't want or cannot do, I'd go for a beer instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. No there's no surprise involved. Spouse hates surprises. The explanation was that it would just make managing the playdate and dinner a bit easier with a house full of kids with their friends in the middle of the week.

In that case no, it's unreasonable and obnoxious to be asked to not come back to your own house.

Agreed. I don't see why OP can't come home and just retreat to another room until the playdate is over. How disruptive can they be? Ops spouse sounds annoying

[Anonymous]

If I've got a typical 9 to 5 - no biggie.
Like a previous poster said I can entertain myself for a while after work.
If I've got an atypical schedule like 2pm to 10pm - uhhhh...I'm not hanging out in the streets til the wee hours of the morning just so you can have some quality time with your friggin girlfriends.
Take that shit over THEIR house I'm coming home damnit.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the request as that weird. I love DH and don't think he's annoying at all. I often have playdates with my girl friends and their toddlers. I don't have to ask DH, he just stays down in the basement and doesn't bother us. It is intrusive when he comes in and my toddlers run over to him and want him to pick them up, play with them, want to show him what they made etc. DH usually waves at my friends, asks me if I need anything, and then goes to the basement or to tinker in the garage. I do the same when he has all of his guy friends over for drinks.

99% of the husbands of my friends stay away or go to the basement when there are playdates. But we all have good marriages and I think this OP doesn't seem to have a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d assume the kids we’re doing some sort of Xmas gift project or something.

That was my first thought too. OP, you are going to eat some crow in about a week.

I was thinking the exact same thing. He needs time to prep something. Or if you have a kid (s) maybe they will "help" put something together for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the request as that weird. I love DH and don't think he's annoying at all. I often have playdates with my girl friends and their toddlers. I don't have to ask DH, he just stays down in the basement and doesn't bother us. It is intrusive when he comes in and my toddlers run over to him and want him to pick them up, play with them, want to show him what they made etc. DH usually waves at my friends, asks me if I need anything, and then goes to the basement or to tinker in the garage. I do the same when he has all of his guy friends over for drinks.

99% of the husbands of my friends stay away or go to the basement when there are playdates. But we all have good marriages and I think this OP doesn't seem to have a good marriage.

Also, DH would love it if I asked him to stay out later. He'd probably just stay at work though since he's always behind and works long hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. No there's no surprise involved. Spouse hates surprises. The explanation was that it would just make managing the playdate and dinner a bit easier with a house full of kids with their friends in the middle of the week.

I would have no problem with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the old bitter skeptical and suspicious folks grumbling about how annoying and odd the request is.

What happened to your optimism?
What happened to your faith in the one you love?
Any of you even stop to think your spouse could be setting things up for a surprise romantic evening for you two?

Sheesh.

Because the nature of the request is odd. Telling the spouse that it's easier if they aren't home during the playdate signals that there is something wrong with the spouse.

I've planned surprise things for DH. I ask him to pick me up something from the store. Plus, if ops spouse is hosting a playdate that means they are home and would have time to set.up a surprise without telling them they couldn't come home.

Really? Is it ok to hang out with friends outside of your home without your spouse? Or does that also imply that there is something wrong?

Your comment doesn't make sense. Going out with friends without your spouse is very different from telling your spouse not to come home after work because you're hosting a playdate

It’s exactly the same, just a different location. Spouse wants to hang out with friends without OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the old bitter skeptical and suspicious folks grumbling about how annoying and odd the request is.

What happened to your optimism?
What happened to your faith in the one you love?
Any of you even stop to think your spouse could be setting things up for a surprise romantic evening for you two?

Sheesh.

Because the nature of the request is odd. Telling the spouse that it's easier if they aren't home during the playdate signals that there is something wrong with the spouse.

I've planned surprise things for DH. I ask him to pick me up something from the store. Plus, if ops spouse is hosting a playdate that means they are home and would have time to set.up a surprise without telling them they couldn't come home.

Really? Is it ok to hang out with friends outside of your home without your spouse? Or does that also imply that there is something wrong?

Your comment doesn't make sense. Going out with friends without your spouse is very different from telling your spouse not to come home after work because you're hosting a playdate

It’s exactly the same, just a different location. Spouse wants to hang out with friends without OP.

Well when I do that at home, I don't kick dh out. He's welcome to be in the same house, he just goes to a different room. Do you not allow your spouse in the house at all if you have friends over?