Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So nice that people have in-laws who will blink a few times and then change their ways once you've "stood up" to them. Glad you've never had to "stand up" to my MIL who will instantly become the victim and cry when "stood up" to, and then FIL has to come scold everyone (including the toddlers) for upsetting her.

DH visits alone with the kids now.

Your DH sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So nice that people have in-laws who will blink a few times and then change their ways once you've "stood up" to them. Glad you've never had to "stand up" to my MIL who will instantly become the victim and cry when "stood up" to, and then FIL has to come scold everyone (including the toddlers) for upsetting her.

DH visits alone with the kids now.

Your DH needs to tell his mother to cut this shit out or none of you visit. DH visiting alone is like giving in to a toddler tantrum. That goes for all the other enablers in this thread--have some balls. Tough love is not just for parents to kids.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't bother with "won a raffle," but just tell the truth--we were hungry last year and do was everyone else so I brought communal good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

Don't forget about non-food culture. In DH's family, no one breastfed. They all had baby nurses to come for the first two weeks. My breastfeeding my first was strange to them. When I was breastfeeding my twins, that was completely over the top. They weren't hostile, but it obviously made them uncomfortable.

When we had Thanksgiving with no food before 6, I never felt that they were trying to deprive me. For some reason, they didn't think, that 4 hours in the car, plus 6 hours before mealtime would pose a problem for the kids or me. I'm not sure why. My mom would be standing at the door with food when we arrived!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

I'm a pp whose brother ordered the pizza for the 5 year old twins

My mom's family was lower middle class, Boston Irish-Catholic. Her mom LOVED feeding people. My favorite memories of my grandmother (her mom) involve tea and some type of cookies/scones/baked goods every afternoon when we visited her. No one ever went hungry in her house, even when she was in her 80's.

But my mom is kind of a snob and felt superior to her lower middle class upbringing so maybe going against that (feeding guests) is her way of rebelling.

But like, what diid the rest of you do? I just feel like even if my mom was going on and on about no food my siblings and I would laugh and say, look, we're hungry, or the kids are hungry, and we're not doing that. Did your brother share the pizza? Did you all just do nothing while your mom was harping on your SIIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

If you are that hungry them open your mouth and say something or go out and buy groceries for yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Why do you and your five year old eat all day long. 3 meals and a mid-morning/mid-afternoon snack should be more than enough for you and child.

[Anonymous]

60 year old Irish lady here. Lots of food at my house! My DH's family always complement him on what a good hostess I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

Don't forget about non-food culture. In DH's family, no one breastfed. They all had baby nurses to come for the first two weeks. My breastfeeding my first was strange to them. When I was breastfeeding my twins, that was completely over the top. They weren't hostile, but it obviously made them uncomfortable.

When we had Thanksgiving with no food before 6, I never felt that they were trying to deprive me. For some reason, they didn't think, that 4 hours in the car, plus 6 hours before mealtime would pose a problem for the kids or me. I'm not sure why. My mom would be standing at the door with food when we arrived!

You didn't bring, or stop, for food while driving,? I do not think it is your in-laws but your stupidity!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

OP here. HA! I will report back, I promise.

In the face of counter-plans and approaches, I do plan to deploy one of my best moves: Cheerful Dumb DIL. Like, I'm so blandly pleasant and clueless that your passive-aggressive comment went right over my head, and I remain steadfastly cheerful as I put cheese and crackers on a holiday-themed paper plate.

Yes this is perfect. Cheerful dumb DIL works well. I love the idea of saying it went so well last year I'll do it again. Then it just becomes a thing that happens each year.

NP. Why should Cheerful Dumb DIL have to turn up if there is a Cheerful Take No Crap Adult Son present? In other words -- why doesn't OP's DH, the presumably adult son in this situation, just man up and tell his parents with a big smile, "Closed kitchen? That's funny, mom! We'll eat what we brought and you're free to join us or not, and we promise we won't 'ruin our appetites for dinner'!"

Why does the DIL (or son-in-law) have to be the one to navigate this stuff? The adult child should be the adult in the room and tell his own mom and dad that what works for them doesn't work for his own family. Geez.

I do truly admire OP's solution! But I'm wondering where her DH was when his folks were saying the kitchen was closed, etc. His parents are his job. Her parents would be hers, if they were doing this.

This--If your husband hasn't told them point blank stop with the comments, let us eat in peace, then that's the issue. I commend your workaround, I just wish for your sake it wasn't necessary.

We've found a solution that works for us. I get that it doesn't work for you.

this is not a solution. It is a band-aid that papers over the issue without addressing it, so it continues to crop up every year.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand hosts who don’t care if their guests are hungry. And I REALLY don’t understand grandparents who don’t care if their grandchildren are hungry. So bizarre!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Why do you and your five year old eat all day long. 3 meals and a mid-morning/mid-afternoon snack should be more than enough for you and child.

Burger King lady? ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

Don't forget about non-food culture. In DH's family, no one breastfed. They all had baby nurses to come for the first two weeks. My breastfeeding my first was strange to them. When I was breastfeeding my twins, that was completely over the top. They weren't hostile, but it obviously made them uncomfortable.

When we had Thanksgiving with no food before 6, I never felt that they were trying to deprive me. For some reason, they didn't think, that 4 hours in the car, plus 6 hours before mealtime would pose a problem for the kids or me. I'm not sure why. My mom would be standing at the door with food when we arrived!

You didn't bring, or stop, for food while driving,? I do not think it is your in-laws but your stupidity!

Not stupid, but overwhelmed. The only thing open on Thanksgiving is fast food that was not appealing. Yes it was my decision not to eat McDonalds on Thanksgiving. At the time, we had 5 kids, including infant twins, and I had snacks for the kids in the car. I also worked full time and had made two side dishes for dinner that I had to cook and pack. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to pack all of that stuff up for a 4 day trip for a family of 7? Maybe you are Superman or woman, but I'm not. And my husband definitely is not.

Also, have you ever traveled 95 at Thanksgiving? Stopping prolongs the trip and traffic gets heavier as the day goes on.

Plus, at first, I thought it might seem rude to arrive with multiple coolers of our own food. I am the PP who started bringing more and more food each year, and it started after the infant twins Thanksgiving. I didn't make a big deal of it, I just brought it.

[Anonymous]

12:29, so it was your stupidity. Chinese restaurants are open on Thanksgiving and do. are other chain restaurants. IHOP is open 24 hours and they are everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:29, so it was your stupidity. Chinese restaurants are open on Thanksgiving and do. are other chain restaurants. IHOP is open 24 hours and they are everywhere.

Yes, it was obviously my stupidity that I didn't want to sit down to a meal during a lengthy car trip with 5 children, including who were 2 and under.

Trust me, I would have rather stayed home.