Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

My Inlaws are the opposite. They feed you nonstop and become upset if you don't eat.
I'm not talking just one big meal. w
She makes homemade cinnamon rolls, bacon, eggs, fruit, cheese, juice for breakfast
Snacks in between of cookies, seasoned pretzels, chocolate-covered strawberries, vareity of alcohol
Lunch is something like lasagna, bread, salad, cake for dessert
More snacks
HUGE dinner of several sides, meat, breads etc.
Then, more snacks and desserts afterward.

We just can't eat it all and she HATES wasting food. She, however, cooks enough for 50 people and there are 11 of us. Then we get to hear how she went to AAAALLLL Of this work for days making desserts, snacks, has been in the kitchen since 4am and we aren't eating enough.

Why do so many people have unhealthy ideas and relationships with food? Why can't we ever just have normal portions and meals and no guilt or commentary on what we eat or don't? It is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are awesome and people arguing just don’t get how exhausting it is to deal with in-laws, comments, jabs, etc all the time. And just finding a pleasant way to solve a problem and be, well, pleasant, is the way to go versus any sort of stance or getting DH involved.

I had a similar situation with my MIL complaining that I was “taking the baby away”, ie, finding a private room to breastfeed in, and solved the problem by inviting her to come with me.
One time she came and saw my breasts on display as I breezily made small talk.
Invited her every time for 3 days “Linda, I’m going to take Larla to feed her, we’ll be in the study.”
Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Inlaws are the opposite. They feed you nonstop and become upset if you don't eat.
I'm not talking just one big meal. w
She makes homemade cinnamon rolls, bacon, eggs, fruit, cheese, juice for breakfast
Snacks in between of cookies, seasoned pretzels, chocolate-covered strawberries, vareity of alcohol
Lunch is something like lasagna, bread, salad, cake for dessert
More snacks
HUGE dinner of several sides, meat, breads etc.
Then, more snacks and desserts afterward.

We just can't eat it all and she HATES wasting food. She, however, cooks enough for 50 people and there are 11 of us. Then we get to hear how she went to AAAALLLL Of this work for days making desserts, snacks, has been in the kitchen since 4am and we aren't eating enough.

Why do so many people have unhealthy ideas and relationships with food? Why can't we ever just have normal portions and meals and no guilt or commentary on what we eat or don't? It is exhausting.

I see you sister. My MIL is cooking non stop and there are only 3 adults in the house. I dont get to spend time with my spouse because she constantly needs his help. Also, every 2 hrs all day long she remembers she needs another ingredient so spouse and i were taking turns to do Giant runs. The person who is not on the store run is taking care of our 3 mo old baby. MIL came to “help” us. Her cooking tastes like crap, she makes too much of it, it sucked all time and energy out of the day. We have money to buy a catered meal. But then she is not the center of attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are awesome and people arguing just don’t get how exhausting it is to deal with in-laws, comments, jabs, etc all the time. And just finding a pleasant way to solve a problem and be, well, pleasant, is the way to go versus any sort of stance or getting DH involved.

I had a similar situation with my MIL complaining that I was “taking the baby away”, ie, finding a private room to breastfeed in, and solved the problem by inviting her to come with me.
One time she came and saw my breasts on display as I breezily made small talk.
Invited her every time for 3 days “Linda, I’m going to take Larla to feed her, we’ll be in the study.”
Problem solved.

Not everybody is comfortable displaying breast to MIL. Not even for the sake of being pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are awesome and people arguing just don’t get how exhausting it is to deal with in-laws, comments, jabs, etc all the time. And just finding a pleasant way to solve a problem and be, well, pleasant, is the way to go versus any sort of stance or getting DH involved.

I had a similar situation with my MIL complaining that I was “taking the baby away”, ie, finding a private room to breastfeed in, and solved the problem by inviting her to come with me.
One time she came and saw my breasts on display as I breezily made small talk.
Invited her every time for 3 days “Linda, I’m going to take Larla to feed her, we’ll be in the study.”
Problem solved.

Not everybody is comfortable displaying breast to MIL. Not even for the sake of being pleasant.

This poster never said this was a solution for everyone. She simply shared an anecdote from her own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We show up with 4 grocery bags full for a weekend and help ourselves whenever we want. We are totally unapologetic. I also bring frozen cookie dough to distract them.

We started doing this at a certain family holiday gathering, after showing up to a beach house one year and finding out that the family event planning control freak had prepared a giant pot of soup and put out a bag of crackers as the sole meal for multiple families for days. For me, the vegetarian, she had bought a single bag of generic frozen steamed veggies. It was so amusing listening to her protests and attempts to declare that NO! MEALS WERE PLANNED!! as a big group of people headed out for groceries.

[Anonymous]

How that would go in my parents house:

I am come in the house carrying the cooler

Mom: Taylor, what is that?
Me: Oh just some food I brought in case we get hungry
Mom: Oh I have plenty of food you won't be hungry. But go ahead and unpcack it, there's room in the fridge.
Me: Well we were just going to keep in the bedroom with us.
Mom: No! No food in the bedroom! I don't want to get ants!
Me: But mom...
Mom: My house! My rules! Food in the bedroom will attract rodents!

So then we are required to keep the food in the kitchen. And then during the long compulsory fasting period between 7 am and 7 pm the kitchen is guarded by mom who will flip out if you try to get a snack--from her stash or yours.
And then there is a fight.
And you leave and spend the next few days in a hotel.


[/b]Keep the cooler in your car during winter, use dry ice, make trips to the car to get a fav teddy bear, a forgotten diaper bag, a forgotten phone charger, a forgotten pair of shoes. Witch ear trip smuggle on your person. Be sure to include kids on the smuggling situation and ensure they will keep quiet and not snitch.[b]

[Anonymous]

Keep the cooler in your car during winter, use dry ice, make trips to the car to get a fav teddy bear, a forgotten diaper bag, a forgotten phone charger, a forgotten pair of shoes. Witch ear trip smuggle on your person. Be sure to include kids on the smuggling situation and ensure they will keep quiet and not snitch.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's going well! There were some raised eyebrows and side commentary, but when push came to shove, the gift basket is here and is being enjoyed. We had cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs for breakfast, then the kitchen is closed until turkey dinner at 5 p.m. So we'll be having the basket treats and some of the veggie tray I also brought and am keeping on the unheated back porch around lunch time so that the kids don't fall apart.

Merry Christmas!

[Anonymous]

Love you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand these psycho adults who deny food to others in the household. As long as those eating clean up after themselves, I just don’t get the need for such extreme control. Especially when those others have paid for their own food.

[Anonymous]

Great job OP! Merry Christmas to all DCUM friends- hungry and stuffed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just as a word of warning- I did this one year but mailed it to my inlaws (long cross country try flight and two babies made bringing this in my luggage impossible). It arrived hours before I did, and my anorexic mother in law (under 100 pounds and 5’8, in her mid 50s), THREW IT AWAY.

I found the two bottled of wine I had sent in their fridge. And they don’t live in a neighborhood where packages get stolen.

So remember to mail it the day you leave and receive it yourself so your crazy inlaws don’t get to it first.

I'd refuse to return after that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Inlaws are the opposite. They feed you nonstop and become upset if you don't eat.
I'm not talking just one big meal. w
She makes homemade cinnamon rolls, bacon, eggs, fruit, cheese, juice for breakfast
Snacks in between of cookies, seasoned pretzels, chocolate-covered strawberries, vareity of alcohol
Lunch is something like lasagna, bread, salad, cake for dessert
More snacks
HUGE dinner of several sides, meat, breads etc.
Then, more snacks and desserts afterward.

We just can't eat it all and she HATES wasting food. She, however, cooks enough for 50 people and there are 11 of us. Then we get to hear how she went to AAAALLLL Of this work for days making desserts, snacks, has been in the kitchen since 4am and we aren't eating enough.

Why do so many people have unhealthy ideas and relationships with food? Why can't we ever just have normal portions and meals and no guilt or commentary on what we eat or don't? It is exhausting.

Opposite problem here. MIL makes tons of food, but it's all super healthy and tastes horrible. No sugar in anything, no carbs, no gluten. I'm not sure what the hell is in most stuff, but she loves to experiment with spices and herbs and thinks she's a great cook so in place of sugar what looks like a chocolate cookie turns out to be almond flour and egg whites with unsweetened cocoa and a dash of cumin and garlic oil. Yet she nearly forces it on us, and gets upset if she sees anyone eating anything unhealthy - like god forbid we have candy or cake on Christmas (unless is sugar and carb free). On the holidays I like to splurge and not be healthy for a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How that would go in my parents house:

I am come in the house carrying the cooler

Mom: Taylor, what is that?
Me: Oh just some food I brought in case we get hungry
Mom: Oh I have plenty of food you won't be hungry. But go ahead and unpcack it, there's room in the fridge.
Me: Well we were just going to keep in the bedroom with us.
Mom: No! No food in the bedroom! I don't want to get ants!
Me: But mom...
Mom: My house! My rules! Food in the bedroom will attract rodents!

So then we are required to keep the food in the kitchen. And then during the long compulsory fasting period between 7 am and 7 pm the kitchen is guarded by mom who will flip out if you try to get a snack--from her stash or yours.
And then there is a fight.
And you leave and spend the next few days in a hotel.

[/b]Keep the cooler in your car during winter, use dry ice, make trips to the car to get a fav teddy bear, a forgotten diaper bag, a forgotten phone charger, a forgotten pair of shoes. Witch ear trip smuggle on your person. Be sure to include kids on the smuggling situation and ensure they will keep quiet and not snitch.[b]

I would have started in the hotel. This is why I don't go to my inlaws at all anymore - we have to fly, so no car and no private trips. Then they don't have coffee in the house. OMG. Then they cook two or three meals that I might or might not be able to eat any of (I'm a vegetarian). Last time I was there I was starving and having coffee withdrawal the whole time, and my husband insists they will be horribly insulted if we go to a hotel. I haven't been there in over 10 years.