Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:29, so it was your stupidity. Chinese restaurants are open on Thanksgiving and do. are other chain restaurants. IHOP is open 24 hours and they are everywhere.

Yes, it was obviously my stupidity that I didn't want to sit down to a meal during a lengthy car trip with 5 children, including who were 2 and under.

Trust me, I would have rather stayed home.

I meant 3 kids who were two and under.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:29, so it was your stupidity. Chinese restaurants are open on Thanksgiving and do. are other chain restaurants. IHOP is open 24 hours and they are everywhere.

She explained enough for me, but I bow to your superiority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

I'm a pp whose brother ordered the pizza for the 5 year old twins

My mom's family was lower middle class, Boston Irish-Catholic. Her mom LOVED feeding people. My favorite memories of my grandmother (her mom) involve tea and some type of cookies/scones/baked goods every afternoon when we visited her. No one ever went hungry in her house, even when she was in her 80's.

But my mom is kind of a snob and felt superior to her lower middle class upbringing so maybe going against that (feeding guests) is her way of rebelling.

But like, what diid the rest of you do? I just feel like even if my mom was going on and on about no food my siblings and I would laugh and say, look, we're hungry, or the kids are hungry, and we're not doing that. Did your brother share the pizza? Did you all just do nothing while your mom was harping on your SIIL?

I wasn't there. I don't think our other brother was either.

My parents and one brother live on the west coast, the brother with the twins lives in Texas, and I live in Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

I'm a pp whose brother ordered the pizza for the 5 year old twins

My mom's family was lower middle class, Boston Irish-Catholic. Her mom LOVED feeding people. My favorite memories of my grandmother (her mom) involve tea and some type of cookies/scones/baked goods every afternoon when we visited her. No one ever went hungry in her house, even when she was in her 80's.

But my mom is kind of a snob and felt superior to her lower middle class upbringing so maybe going against that (feeding guests) is her way of rebelling.

But like, what diid the rest of you do? I just feel like even if my mom was going on and on about no food my siblings and I would laugh and say, look, we're hungry, or the kids are hungry, and we're not doing that. Did your brother share the pizza? Did you all just do nothing while your mom was harping on your SIIL?

I wasn't there. I don't think our other brother was either.

My parents and one brother live on the west coast, the brother with the twins lives in Texas, and I live in Virginia.

PP with the Texas brother/twin nieces again. To clarify, my brother and his family were visiting my parents from Texas--so leaving mid visit was a big deal; not just driving an hour or two home, but needing to stay a few nights in a hotel they hadn't planned on, etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

OP here. HA! I will report back, I promise.

In the face of counter-plans and approaches, I do plan to deploy one of my best moves: Cheerful Dumb DIL. Like, I'm so blandly pleasant and clueless that your passive-aggressive comment went right over my head, and I remain steadfastly cheerful as I put cheese and crackers on a holiday-themed paper plate.

Yes this is perfect. Cheerful dumb DIL works well. I love the idea of saying it went so well last year I'll do it again. Then it just becomes a thing that happens each year.

NP. Why should Cheerful Dumb DIL have to turn up if there is a Cheerful Take No Crap Adult Son present? In other words -- why doesn't OP's DH, the presumably adult son in this situation, just man up and tell his parents with a big smile, "Closed kitchen? That's funny, mom! We'll eat what we brought and you're free to join us or not, and we promise we won't 'ruin our appetites for dinner'!"

Why does the DIL (or son-in-law) have to be the one to navigate this stuff? The adult child should be the adult in the room and tell his own mom and dad that what works for them doesn't work for his own family. Geez.

I do truly admire OP's solution! But I'm wondering where her DH was when his folks were saying the kitchen was closed, etc. His parents are his job. Her parents would be hers, if they were doing this.

This--If your husband hasn't told them point blank stop with the comments, let us eat in peace, then that's the issue. I commend your workaround, I just wish for your sake it wasn't necessary.

We've found a solution that works for us. I get that it doesn't work for you.

this is not a solution. It is a band-aid that papers over the issue without addressing it, so it continues to crop up every year.

LOL, says the person who has never met my ILs or been in their home.

It's a solution FOR US.

Ask yourself why you are insisting that this doesn't work for people you have literally never met. What is your issue, honestly? Reflect on it. Hope whatever it is that is bothering you gets resolved. Happy Holidays! -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

If you are that hungry them open your mouth and say something or go out and buy groceries for yourself!

PP with the brother from Texas here

In my mom's house, if you say you're hungry she'll just tell you to wait because "dinners going to be early." She'll claim that dinner will be "around 4" but it never is, it just "needs to cook a little longer" and next thing you know, it's 7 pm and you've been starving since noon.

And the "go out and buy groceries for yourself"--well, really that's kind of what my brother was trying to do (get food himself) with the pizza, and my mom flipped out. I don't think my brother had a rental car that visit, and my parents don't live in a walkable area, so there wasn't a way to just "sneak out" for food by pretending to go to a park or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

Don't forget about non-food culture. In DH's family, no one breastfed. They all had baby nurses to come for the first two weeks. My breastfeeding my first was strange to them. When I was breastfeeding my twins, that was completely over the top. They weren't hostile, but it obviously made them uncomfortable.

When we had Thanksgiving with no food before 6, I never felt that they were trying to deprive me. For some reason, they didn't think, that 4 hours in the car, plus 6 hours before mealtime would pose a problem for the kids or me. I'm not sure why. My mom would be standing at the door with food when we arrived!

I hear you. We went to the Philadelphia area for Thanksgiving and what was supposed to be a 2.5 hour drive ended being a 5 hour drive because we stopped to eat and then the kids wanted to play in the park next door.

You didn't bring, or stop, for food while driving,? I do not think it is your in-laws but your stupidity!

Not stupid, but overwhelmed. The only thing open on Thanksgiving is fast food that was not appealing. Yes it was my decision not to eat McDonalds on Thanksgiving. At the time, we had 5 kids, including infant twins, and I had snacks for the kids in the car. I also worked full time and had made two side dishes for dinner that I had to cook and pack. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to pack all of that stuff up for a 4 day trip for a family of 7? Maybe you are Superman or woman, but I'm not. And my husband definitely is not.

Also, have you ever traveled 95 at Thanksgiving? Stopping prolongs the trip and traffic gets heavier as the day goes on.

Plus, at first, I thought it might seem rude to arrive with multiple coolers of our own food. I am the PP who started bringing more and more food each year, and it started after the infant twins Thanksgiving. I didn't make a big deal of it, I just brought it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

OP here. HA! I will report back, I promise.

In the face of counter-plans and approaches, I do plan to deploy one of my best moves: Cheerful Dumb DIL. Like, I'm so blandly pleasant and clueless that your passive-aggressive comment went right over my head, and I remain steadfastly cheerful as I put cheese and crackers on a holiday-themed paper plate.

OP. I was the PP who started bringing entire meals. That's what I did. My MIL would be all concerned about "spoiling dinner" yet an entire houseful of people managed to at the lunch, plus appetizers, and still have room for dinner at 6. Each year, I arrived with more an more food.

And, did I mention that DH's family doesn't do alcohol?

I wish my ils didn't drink so muchl. My mil, who acts like sweetness and light, becomes a stone cold monster after a few drinks. For all the joking about needing a drink to tolerate family, the reality is often that the alcohol unleashes the demons no one wants to see.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. We went to the Philadelphia area for Thanksgiving and what was supposed to be a 2.5 hour drive ended being a 5 hour drive because we stopped to eat and then the kids wanted to play in the park next door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. We went to the Philadelphia area for Thanksgiving and what was supposed to be a 2.5 hour drive ended being a 5 hour drive because we stopped to eat and then the kids wanted to play in the park next door.

PP here - we were traveling to the Philadelphia area too. You need to get in the car and go at Thanksgiving time!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:29, so it was your stupidity. Chinese restaurants are open on Thanksgiving and do. are other chain restaurants. IHOP is open 24 hours and they are everywhere.

DP. You're not very nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. We went to the Philadelphia area for Thanksgiving and what was supposed to be a 2.5 hour drive ended being a 5 hour drive because we stopped to eat and then the kids wanted to play in the park next door.

PP here - we were traveling to the Philadelphia area too. You need to get in the car and go at Thanksgiving time!!!!

Damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
PP’s saying bringing our own food isn’t a good solution and other calling us stupid for not stopping at a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awesome! We've done poptarts, granola bars and snack mix and kept it in our room for DH and the kids. Milk is the hardest because my kids just about go through a 1/2 gallon a day. Inlaws don't have room in their fridge and will buy 1/2 gallon for the week.

What about the boxed Horizon milks? No need to refrigerate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. We went to the Philadelphia area for Thanksgiving and what was supposed to be a 2.5 hour drive ended being a 5 hour drive because we stopped to eat and then the kids wanted to play in the park next door.

PP here - we were traveling to the Philadelphia area too. You need to get in the car and go at Thanksgiving time!!!!

Damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
PP’s saying bringing our own food isn’t a good solution and other calling us stupid for not stopping at a restaurant.

LOL. Yes, things seem even more nasty than usual around here. In fairness, now that my kids are older, of course I would stop at a restaurant. But back then, there were so many moving parts and so many things that could go wrong back then. 5 quiet kids = keep driving. Oh, and I'm pretty sure the meanie who thinks I'm stupid would probably not be happy if I were breastfeeding in the restaurant either. But whatever . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if my WASP upbringing is why it drives me nuts that my south Asian in-laws prepare enough food to serve 40 when we are serving 8? I’m always trying to get them to be realistic about portion sizes. So much food going to waste.

Yes it is your WASP background. And do shut up about it. South Asian family meals are literally the BEST. This Irish girl would take your place in a second.

Irish girl here too. Waste is waste. Some leftovers are always welcome. But when food literally has to be thrown out, that is awful.

NP. Also a WASP married to a S. Asian. We always manage to find someone to give the food to so it doesn’t go to waste. We’re not shy about feeding people.