Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

This makes me feel lucky that my relatives are in NYC, so I can always "run out to Duane Reed" and grab something yummy from Grays Papaya or a food cart ...

[Anonymous]

Bringing your own is a super idea, but I've gotta say that the scenario you described is way too much drama. I'm afraid I'd be "sending regrets," or at least staying at a hotel and arriving only at the scheduled celebration time.

[Anonymous]

My god, OP, you’re a mf-ing GENUIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

First time on DCUM?

No. I just don't understand why people play games and can't be direct (without being rude). My inlaws pulled this once when I was pregnant -- making a small amount of food and then expressing shock when I was still hungry and ate a Kind bar I'd packed. I told them "sorry, I'm pregnant, I need to eat more and I'd appreciate if you don't comment on it. Thanks."

[Anonymous]

I love this so much. My in-laws are pretty nice and never announce the kitchen is closed, but they never have enough food at meals. There's often no carb and very limited quantities. One year we were allotted 4 stems of asparagus, a small portion of fish, and an artichoke each. I was breastfeeding twins and literally ate almost an entire turkey alone the week before when visiting my family...

[Anonymous]

That sounds great OP but I also don't get it. If I want to eat, I will. If there isn't any food in the host's house I'll Uber Eats or pick up. Idgaf what hosts think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds great OP but I also don't get it. If I want to eat, I will. If there isn't any food in the host's house I'll Uber Eats or pick up. Idgaf what hosts think.

OP here. That's what we've done--found ways to feed ourselves, no matter the pushback and comments. But life is nicer when there's a way to eat AND there's no pushback and comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love this so much. My in-laws are pretty nice and never announce the kitchen is closed, but they never have enough food at meals. There's often no carb and very limited quantities. One year we were allotted 4 stems of asparagus, a small portion of fish, and an artichoke each. I was breastfeeding twins and literally ate almost an entire turkey alone the week before when visiting my family...

lol!! this happened to me too! 4 shrimp, salad, and 1/4 cup of rice while breastfeeding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

First time on DCUM?

No. I just don't understand why people play games and can't be direct (without being rude). My inlaws pulled this once when I was pregnant -- making a small amount of food and then expressing shock when I was still hungry and ate a Kind bar I'd packed. I told them "sorry, I'm pregnant, I need to eat more and I'd appreciate if you don't comment on it. Thanks."

Isn't it amazing for you that they respected the boundary starting there? How nice for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds great OP but I also don't get it. If I want to eat, I will. If there isn't any food in the host's house I'll Uber Eats or pick up. Idgaf what hosts think.

My ILs live on a farm and the nearest small town (think 1000 people) is 25 minute away.
Yeah, UBER eats aint driving out there. Especially on a holiday weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People might get suspicious that you win the raffle every year.

Op can say it was a gift to her from someone else next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

First time on DCUM?

No. I just don't understand why people play games and can't be direct (without being rude). My inlaws pulled this once when I was pregnant -- making a small amount of food and then expressing shock when I was still hungry and ate a Kind bar I'd packed. I told them "sorry, I'm pregnant, I need to eat more and I'd appreciate if you don't comment on it. Thanks."

Isn't it amazing for you that they respected the boundary starting there? How nice for you.

Yes, it is. I don't put up with being treated like crap. I stand up for myself whether that's with family, friends, or at work. I'm polite but I'm not afraid to be direct. I'll apologize if I'm in the wrong or if I need to take responsibility for a mistake -- mine or a subordinate's -- but I'm not cringing or servile and I will correct someone who treats me that way. When I worked in biglaw other associates would tell me that they were terrified of partner so-and-so or would vomit from stress in the morning because of so-and-so's demands and attitude. I worked for the same people and I hated working for them but I didn't put up with being demeaned. If you can't tell your family or inlaws that you plan to feed yourself, you need to work on your backbone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

You're awesome!!!

Some people would just continue to complain and/or stress out year after year. You looked for and great solutions!~


DCUM voted best idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds great OP but I also don't get it. If I want to eat, I will. If there isn't any food in the host's house I'll Uber Eats or pick up. Idgaf what hosts think.

My ILs live on a farm and the nearest small town (think 1000 people) is 25 minute away.
Yeah, UBER eats aint driving out there. Especially on a holiday weekend

Same. I don't think people with relatives in suburbia get it. We're often also snowed in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

First time on DCUM?

No. I just don't understand why people play games and can't be direct (without being rude). My inlaws pulled this once when I was pregnant -- making a small amount of food and then expressing shock when I was still hungry and ate a Kind bar I'd packed. I told them "sorry, I'm pregnant, I need to eat more and I'd appreciate if you don't comment on it. Thanks."

Isn't it amazing for you that they respected the boundary starting there? How nice for you.

Yes, it is. I don't put up with being treated like crap. I stand up for myself whether that's with family, friends, or at work. I'm polite but I'm not afraid to be direct. I'll apologize if I'm in the wrong or if I need to take responsibility for a mistake -- mine or a subordinate's -- but I'm not cringing or servile and I will correct someone who treats me that way. When I worked in biglaw other associates would tell me that they were terrified of partner so-and-so or would vomit from stress in the morning because of so-and-so's demands and attitude. I worked for the same people and I hated working for them but I didn't put up with being demeaned. If you can't tell your family or inlaws that you plan to feed yourself, you need to work on your backbone.

Pp, generally I agree with you. I imagine that the op was thinking of more than just herself.