Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. Why should Cheerful Dumb DIL have to turn up if there is a Cheerful Take No Crap Adult Son present? In other words -- why doesn't OP's DH, the presumably adult son in this situation, just man up and tell his parents with a big smile, "Closed kitchen? That's funny, mom! We'll eat what we brought and you're free to join us or not, and we promise we won't 'ruin our appetites for dinner'!"

Why does the DIL (or son-in-law) have to be the one to navigate this stuff? The adult child should be the adult in the room and tell his own mom and dad that what works for them doesn't work for his own family. Geez.

I do truly admire OP's solution! But I'm wondering where her DH was when his folks were saying the kitchen was closed, etc. His parents are his job. Her parents would be hers, if they were doing this.

Im a new poster to this thread.

In my parents house, it becomes a fight/hostile situation.
My mom LOVES to "deny lunch" to guests. It's always the same; after breakfast (of bagels and coffee, not anything extraordinarily hearty) she will announce "Now we're going to have a BIG early dinner! So no one eat anything until then!"
"Early" typically means about 7 pm.
And woe to anyone that actually tries to defy her "no eating" demands.

A few years ago my brother was visiting with his wife and young kids (5 year old twins.) You just can't make kids that young go all day without eating, that's insane! My mom kept insisting that dinner would be "early" and by 4 o'clock my brother finally just ordered a pizza to be delivered!

My mom was pissed and actually got really nasty with my brother's wife about it. My brother and his family left and didn't talk to them for a few years after that.

It makes me really sad to think that controlling other people’s access to food was so important to your mom that she was willing to alienate loved ones over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

OP here. HA! I will report back, I promise.

In the face of counter-plans and approaches, I do plan to deploy one of my best moves: Cheerful Dumb DIL. Like, I'm so blandly pleasant and clueless that your passive-aggressive comment went right over my head, and I remain steadfastly cheerful as I put cheese and crackers on a holiday-themed paper plate.

Yes this is perfect. Cheerful dumb DIL works well. I love the idea of saying it went so well last year I'll do it again. Then it just becomes a thing that happens each year.

NP. Why should Cheerful Dumb DIL have to turn up if there is a Cheerful Take No Crap Adult Son present? In other words -- why doesn't OP's DH, the presumably adult son in this situation, just man up and tell his parents with a big smile, "Closed kitchen? That's funny, mom! We'll eat what we brought and you're free to join us or not, and we promise we won't 'ruin our appetites for dinner'!"

Why does the DIL (or son-in-law) have to be the one to navigate this stuff? The adult child should be the adult in the room and tell his own mom and dad that what works for them doesn't work for his own family. Geez.

I do truly admire OP's solution! But I'm wondering where her DH was when his folks were saying the kitchen was closed, etc. His parents are his job. Her parents would be hers, if they were doing this.

Sometimes you yield a sword and sometimes diplomacy. Knowing how and when to use each is a really valuable skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. Why should Cheerful Dumb DIL have to turn up if there is a Cheerful Take No Crap Adult Son present? In other words -- why doesn't OP's DH, the presumably adult son in this situation, just man up and tell his parents with a big smile, "Closed kitchen? That's funny, mom! We'll eat what we brought and you're free to join us or not, and we promise we won't 'ruin our appetites for dinner'!"

Why does the DIL (or son-in-law) have to be the one to navigate this stuff? The adult child should be the adult in the room and tell his own mom and dad that what works for them doesn't work for his own family. Geez.

I do truly admire OP's solution! But I'm wondering where her DH was when his folks were saying the kitchen was closed, etc. His parents are his job. Her parents would be hers, if they were doing this.

Im a new poster to this thread.

In my parents house, it becomes a fight/hostile situation.
My mom LOVES to "deny lunch" to guests. It's always the same; after breakfast (of bagels and coffee, not anything extraordinarily hearty) she will announce "Now we're going to have a BIG early dinner! So no one eat anything until then!"
"Early" typically means about 7 pm.
And woe to anyone that actually tries to defy her "no eating" demands.

A few years ago my brother was visiting with his wife and young kids (5 year old twins.) You just can't make kids that young go all day without eating, that's insane! My mom kept insisting that dinner would be "early" and by 4 o'clock my brother finally just ordered a pizza to be delivered!

My mom was pissed and actually got really nasty with my brother's wife about it. My brother and his family left and didn't talk to them for a few years after that.

It makes me really sad to think that controlling other people’s access to food was so important to your mom that she was willing to alienate loved ones over it.

And yet, it happens. Read DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

What culture believes in starving visitors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

I'm a pp whose brother ordered the pizza for the 5 year old twins

My mom's family was lower middle class, Boston Irish-Catholic. Her mom LOVED feeding people. My favorite memories of my grandmother (her mom) involve tea and some type of cookies/scones/baked goods every afternoon when we visited her. No one ever went hungry in her house, even when she was in her 80's.

But my mom is kind of a snob and felt superior to her lower middle class upbringing so maybe going against that (feeding guests) is her way of rebelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. Why should Cheerful Dumb DIL have to turn up if there is a Cheerful Take No Crap Adult Son present? In other words -- why doesn't OP's DH, the presumably adult son in this situation, just man up and tell his parents with a big smile, "Closed kitchen? That's funny, mom! We'll eat what we brought and you're free to join us or not, and we promise we won't 'ruin our appetites for dinner'!"

Why does the DIL (or son-in-law) have to be the one to navigate this stuff? The adult child should be the adult in the room and tell his own mom and dad that what works for them doesn't work for his own family. Geez.

I do truly admire OP's solution! But I'm wondering where her DH was when his folks were saying the kitchen was closed, etc. His parents are his job. Her parents would be hers, if they were doing this.

Im a new poster to this thread.

In my parents house, it becomes a fight/hostile situation.
My mom LOVES to "deny lunch" to guests. It's always the same; after breakfast (of bagels and coffee, not anything extraordinarily hearty) she will announce "Now we're going to have a BIG early dinner! So no one eat anything until then!"
"Early" typically means about 7 pm.
And woe to anyone that actually tries to defy her "no eating" demands.

A few years ago my brother was visiting with his wife and young kids (5 year old twins.) You just can't make kids that young go all day without eating, that's insane! My mom kept insisting that dinner would be "early" and by 4 o'clock my brother finally just ordered a pizza to be delivered!

My mom was pissed and actually got really nasty with my brother's wife about it. My brother and his family left and didn't talk to them for a few years after that.

Young kids are the perfect excuse to solve this. My twins are 8. If I need to get out of the house, I make the excuse that I want to take them to a playground or play place to get some of that energy out. My kids are high energy, so it's true. But if I need, we will go to the playground and stop for lunch on the way to the playground. And then there are no waves made.

[Anonymous]

So nice that people have in-laws who will blink a few times and then change their ways once you've "stood up" to them. Glad you've never had to "stand up" to my MIL who will instantly become the victim and cry when "stood up" to, and then FIL has to come scold everyone (including the toddlers) for upsetting her.

DH visits alone with the kids now.

[Anonymous]

This is all crazy stuff. I don’t get it. Why so much food control? We just had family stay for a week and there was constant activity in the kitchen - literally until 2am as a couple of the guests were night owls. I always tell guests to make themselves at home and help themselves to anything whenever they want. Love OP’s solution though along with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

Nah. I think this is a personality thing and partly cultural. I come from a culture where way too much food is prepared and shared at gatherings or for guests. I had a real culture shock when I attended my first WASP party.

What culture believes in starving visitors?

Already mentioned it, WASPS. All booze hardly any food.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if my WASP upbringing is why it drives me nuts that my south Asian in-laws prepare enough food to serve 40 when we are serving 8? I’m always trying to get them to be realistic about portion sizes. So much food going to waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if my WASP upbringing is why it drives me nuts that my south Asian in-laws prepare enough food to serve 40 when we are serving 8? I’m always trying to get them to be realistic about portion sizes. So much food going to waste.

Yes it is your WASP background. And do shut up about it. South Asian family meals are literally the BEST. This Irish girl would take your place in a second.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is baffling to me. I have the opposite problem on both sides of our family...they love to push food and are amazing cooks. I always get bloated and sleepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if my WASP upbringing is why it drives me nuts that my south Asian in-laws prepare enough food to serve 40 when we are serving 8? I’m always trying to get them to be realistic about portion sizes. So much food going to waste.

Yes it is your WASP background. And do shut up about it. South Asian family meals are literally the BEST. This Irish girl would take your place in a second.

Irish girl here too. Waste is waste. Some leftovers are always welcome. But when food literally has to be thrown out, that is awful.