Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

First time on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

After several miserable Thanksgivings that involved 5 hour drives to the inlaws where we gathered mid-day but weren't permitted to eat until 6 (no appetizers), I started doing exactly that. I started with a few small appetizers and gradually added more plus an full lunch meal that everyone was welcome to share. There is literally nothing open Thanksgiving except fast food. I'm not sure my MIL appreciated it, but everyone else seemed happy eating the food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

Well, I certainly could do that (and we have, to an extent); bottom line, we do make sure we're fed/kids are fed. We've even stayed in hotels over the food issue, but were met with a lot of comments and wailing over that one. (Not that we wouldn't do it again if needed.)

But there's a lot of comments, judgment, "You're hungry AGAIN" type of observation, and it made it more pleasant last year to just have something there that...couldn't be "argued with" or "reasoned with." I didn't have to ask for it, since it was mine; it wasn't a "hostess gift" that may or may not be set out, etc. It just made it super easy with no pressure.

I know a lot of people face similar food issues when visiting relatives for the holidays. If anyone was looking for a creative solution that didn't rock the boat, here's one to think about!

It's not that I can't handle the comments and do what I need to do anyway, it's that I'd rather not have to spend time and energy and emotions on that during the holidays, when I don't necessarily have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

Well, I certainly could do that (and we have, to an extent); bottom line, we do make sure we're fed/kids are fed. We've even stayed in hotels over the food issue, but were met with a lot of comments and wailing over that one. (Not that we wouldn't do it again if needed.)

But there's a lot of comments, judgment, "You're hungry AGAIN" type of observation, and it made it more pleasant last year to just have something there that...couldn't be "argued with" or "reasoned with." I didn't have to ask for it, since it was mine; it wasn't a "hostess gift" that may or may not be set out, etc. It just made it super easy with no pressure.

I know a lot of people face similar food issues when visiting relatives for the holidays. If anyone was looking for a creative solution that didn't rock the boat, here's one to think about!

It's not that I can't handle the comments and do what I need to do anyway, it's that I'd rather not have to spend time and energy and emotions on that during the holidays, when I don't necessarily have to.

Yup, all of this. While ideally we could all be honest and open, in practice, it doesn’t really work like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

OP here. HA! I will report back, I promise.

In the face of counter-plans and approaches, I do plan to deploy one of my best moves: Cheerful Dumb DIL. Like, I'm so blandly pleasant and clueless that your passive-aggressive comment went right over my head, and I remain steadfastly cheerful as I put cheese and crackers on a holiday-themed paper plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

OP here. HA! I will report back, I promise.

In the face of counter-plans and approaches, I do plan to deploy one of my best moves: Cheerful Dumb DIL. Like, I'm so blandly pleasant and clueless that your passive-aggressive comment went right over my head, and I remain steadfastly cheerful as I put cheese and crackers on a holiday-themed paper plate.

OP. I was the PP who started bringing entire meals. That's what I did. My MIL would be all concerned about "spoiling dinner" yet an entire houseful of people managed to at the lunch, plus appetizers, and still have room for dinner at 6. Each year, I arrived with more an more food.

And, did I mention that DH's family doesn't do alcohol?

[Anonymous]

OP, we basically say the kids will bake their annual Christmas cake and we have to get to the grocery store. While there we just can't help but grab a few baguettes, cheese, meats etc for everyone to enjoy. That usually takes care of it without much complaining.

[Anonymous]

I would switch to a client gifted this to you. Then they can't be mad at you for buying it! That wonderful client that keeps gifting you wonderful food treats year after year. And it can be more than one client! Jim gifted you a Honey Baked ham and Sandra sent you that beautiful fruit basket! A feast from the clients!

P.S. genius move last year, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am praying that Burger King Lady manifests to scold you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

Another alternative is to say that since you told them at the office that you enjoyed the one you won in a raffle, that your boss bought you one as a thank you for working so hard/well this (next) year. That annual gift from your boss can happen every year since you enjoyed it so much the previous year.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a brilliant genius. Kudos. Kudos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thinking, op. Keep winning those raffles!

You think they'll buy the raffle excuse year after year?

OP here. There's no way they would buy that again, but now I have "Everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I brought another one for us all to share!"

I'm worried about the fact they'll have a whole year to figure out how to counter this. You made an unexpected move, and won because of the surprise factor. They are not going just let that stand. Please do remember to report back next year.

This is war room level strategizing!

OP here. HA! I will report back, I promise.

In the face of counter-plans and approaches, I do plan to deploy one of my best moves: Cheerful Dumb DIL. Like, I'm so blandly pleasant and clueless that your passive-aggressive comment went right over my head, and I remain steadfastly cheerful as I put cheese and crackers on a holiday-themed paper plate.

That's the genius part, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awesome! We've done poptarts, granola bars and snack mix and kept it in our room for DH and the kids. Milk is the hardest because my kids just about go through a 1/2 gallon a day. Inlaws don't have room in their fridge and will buy 1/2 gallon for the week.

Buy a case or two of Horizon single-serve containers. Yes, it is more expensive this way, but it's only for the visit to the inlaws and worth the expense to make sure your kids have milk and you don't have to wage WWIII with your in-laws about it.

https://horizon.com/about-us/faq/

Horizon FAQ wrote:DOES HORIZON ORGANIC SINGLE SERVE MILK NEED REFRIGERATION?
Single serve milk is packaged in individual aseptic containers and will keep at room temperature, unopened, until the date code. This extended shelf life is possible due to ultra-high temperature (UHT) pasteurization. UHT pasteurization and special aseptic packaging keep single serve products fresh and safe without refrigeration. Once opened, the product must be refrigerated and can be expected to remain fresh up to seven days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's great, but why can you not just tell them "hey, your schedule doesn't work for us. We are bringing food. We won't make any more work for you -- we'll wash all dishes, etc -- but we are going to eat when we're hungry. You're welcome to join us or not as you prefer."

Why should you have to revert to subterfuge.

NP - Clearly you haven't met my mother or from the sound of things, several other posters' inlaws. If you had, you wouldn't need to ask.