Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a word of warning- I did this one year but mailed it to my inlaws (long cross country try flight and two babies made bringing this in my luggage impossible). It arrived hours before I did, and my anorexic mother in law (under 100 pounds and 5’8, in her mid 50s), THREW IT AWAY.

I found the two bottled of wine I had sent in their fridge. And they don’t live in a neighborhood where packages get stolen.

So remember to mail it the day you leave and receive it yourself so your crazy inlaws don’t get to it first.

I'd refuse to return after that

Yea, we need more info PP. what did MIL say when you asked about the basket? I do agree with your comment on making sure the delivery happens after you arrive. Altho seems like the odds are still good that your MIL would still throw it away...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand these psycho adults who deny food to others in the household. As long as those eating clean up after themselves, I just don’t get the need for such extreme control. Especially when those others have paid for their own food.

They are helping us not be fat and shaming us at the same time! Yay.

[Anonymous]

What is the background of the food deniers? This is so culturally foreign to me and I’m curious.

[Anonymous]

They are perpetually dieting and hungry and don’t want to be around food or have anything left over.

[Anonymous]

So weird! We have opposite problem. MIL wants everyone overweight and feeds everyone loads of sugar.

[Anonymous]

My MIL only wanted to get one pizza for 6 people. I’ll only have a couple pieces but my FIL and DH are big eaters. My DH suggested we get two pizzas instead. She relented and then was not happy we had a few pieces left over. “See, we just needed to get one!” For the love of god, here’s $15, stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Inlaws are the opposite. They feed you nonstop and become upset if you don't eat.
I'm not talking just one big meal. w
She makes homemade cinnamon rolls, bacon, eggs, fruit, cheese, juice for breakfast
Snacks in between of cookies, seasoned pretzels, chocolate-covered strawberries, vareity of alcohol
Lunch is something like lasagna, bread, salad, cake for dessert
More snacks
HUGE dinner of several sides, meat, breads etc.
Then, more snacks and desserts afterward.

We just can't eat it all and she HATES wasting food. She, however, cooks enough for 50 people and there are 11 of us. Then we get to hear how she went to AAAALLLL Of this work for days making desserts, snacks, has been in the kitchen since 4am and we aren't eating enough.

Why do so many people have unhealthy ideas and relationships with food? Why can't we ever just have normal portions and meals and no guilt or commentary on what we eat or don't? It is exhausting.

This is my mom 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all putting up with this? It is not "my house my rules" rule because people have specific dietary
needs and everyone has different eating habits, needs, sugar issues etc. Why don't they add a little fridge
to the garage and let guests bring their junk and keep it there? Otherwise, Cooler, and ice. Shop at the
local store, keep it on the ice. End of story. This is some kind of food horror. I can not imagine
any adult putting up with this kind of abuse. Why? Are your families so horrible you can not talk to
them straight and yet you go to visit them and pretend to be all kissy kissy? OMG. Grow up.
If not that, then excuse yourself every few hours and say, we need to go to the X and grab
few bits. If they say something you say "your house, your rules" "my life my rules".
And just walk and feed yourself and the family between the meals.

LOL, I'm not putting up with it, darling. I'm bringing food. When we want and need to, we go out for meals, despite some grumbling and protests. We've stayed in hotels a few times, amid LOTS of protests. We do what we need to do.

Thing is, I found a...well, rather elegant solution where everyone wins. I get fed, MIL/FIL don't feel weird about this particular instance of food, so there's no commentary. I think this is a better solution than my kids not seeing their grandparents.

Yes, my ILs have food issues. They are weird about food. But overall, they are kind and well-meaning. This is not a mortal flaw that they had.

Some of us (not you, apparently) are good at thinking things through and engineering life a little to suit our lives and desired outcomes.

What seems "elegant" to you seems passive-aggressive and weird to those of us who prefer a more straightforward and less exhausting approach. So they grumble and protest -- so what! Tell them they can't dictate your food schedule. If they continue to grumble and protest, either ignore it or tell them to cut it out.

If your subterfuge works for you, great, but it's not as brilliant as you think it is. Darling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all putting up with this? It is not "my house my rules" rule because people have specific dietary
needs and everyone has different eating habits, needs, sugar issues etc. Why don't they add a little fridge
to the garage and let guests bring their junk and keep it there? Otherwise, Cooler, and ice. Shop at the
local store, keep it on the ice. End of story. This is some kind of food horror. I can not imagine
any adult putting up with this kind of abuse. Why? Are your families so horrible you can not talk to
them straight and yet you go to visit them and pretend to be all kissy kissy? OMG. Grow up.
If not that, then excuse yourself every few hours and say, we need to go to the X and grab
few bits. If they say something you say "your house, your rules" "my life my rules".
And just walk and feed yourself and the family between the meals.

LOL, I'm not putting up with it, darling. I'm bringing food. When we want and need to, we go out for meals, despite some grumbling and protests. We've stayed in hotels a few times, amid LOTS of protests. We do what we need to do.

Thing is, I found a...well, rather elegant solution where everyone wins. I get fed, MIL/FIL don't feel weird about this particular instance of food, so there's no commentary. I think this is a better solution than my kids not seeing their grandparents.

Yes, my ILs have food issues. They are weird about food. But overall, they are kind and well-meaning. This is not a mortal flaw that they had.

Some of us (not you, apparently) are good at thinking things through and engineering life a little to suit our lives and desired outcomes.

What seems "elegant" to you seems passive-aggressive and weird to those of us who prefer a more straightforward and less exhausting approach. So they grumble and protest -- so what! Tell them they can't dictate your food schedule. If they continue to grumble and protest, either ignore it or tell them to cut it out.

If your subterfuge works for you, great, but it's not as brilliant as you think it is. Darling.

Multiple posters across multiple pages think it is. Merry Christmas! All went well for me.

[Anonymous]

When I was a teenager, a little kid knocked at our door and told me he was staying next door with our neighbors and he was hungry but they didn’t have any food at the house.( We lived in a standard Fairfax co suburb and I am sure money was not the issue. ) I was so shocked and just thought it was weird so I gave the kid some granola bars and he sat down on our porch and ate them. Our neighbor came over looking for him and seemed pretty embarrassed when I told her what happened. So moral of the story - feed your guests or they might start asking the neighbors for food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read through 11 pages and I don't know what happened last year but did someone go to IL's house and were refused food? And do others run into this? Don't get all crazy DCUM on me, just break it down.

Lots and lots of families have this problem, including mine. My MIL is a non-eater, she has informed me multiple times that she weighs 100 pounds, she fasts, she skips dinner, and she restricts our access to food when we visit. It's like she thinks her house is a fat camp, but we are not fat. That said, I am not underweight and to her that is not winning.

Same here (NP). MIL tries to inflict her disordered eating in everyone, for their own good. Not only are portions small and widely spaced, but it's not ok to eat a food just because you like it: everything has to contain antioxidants or be good for brain health. She talks constantly about what she's eating, how healthy it is, and how full it's making her. Sadly, she has become quite frail: my own mom is older but more robust in her carb-loving pear shape.

DH has a gorge and starve style so he manages at his mom's house. I eat three reasonable meals a day and our kid needs more than that to keep an even keel, so I bring food. I appreciate OP's idea!