Ugh ..AP is not a downgrade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a situation where the people having an affair are a genuinely better match? What do you do if you meet someone life that -- divorce first?

Yes. As someone who has been in that situation, the one regret I have is both of us not ending our relationships first. It all worked out in the end, my ex and I get along and she later acknowledged I was right about us not being right for each other. Her relationship with her ex is "agreeable" at best, but it's better than when they were married. But even with all that, it still continues to weigh on me that we didn't go about it the right way.

It's just hard to believe that someone would end a marriage before they know whether or not there is physical chemistry... i don't believe it happens. I have to think most of these "found a better match" things start with an affair.

Believe it or not, some people are capable of ending their marriages first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Actually, that could be said. "Separated" is not divorced.

Not np. Please! Separated is a perfectly fine time to date other people, that it what happens in the real world, not in make believe I can control someone's emotion DCUM land. There is nothing wrong with dating a someone (man or woman) who is in the separation phase of a possible split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Calling someone an idiot. Ironic. Bet separated isn't "fine" for you anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Calling someone an idiot. Ironic. Bet separated isn't "fine" for you anymore.

I know it probably went over your head but the point is I don’t believe he was ever really separated to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Actually, that could be said. "Separated" is not divorced.

Not np. Please! Separated is a perfectly fine time to date other people, that it what happens in the real world, not in make believe I can control someone's emotion DCUM land. There is nothing wrong with dating a someone (man or woman) who is in the separation phase of a possible split.

To each his own. I wouldn't want to be someone's rebound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Lol you believed the married guy who said he was separated? You’re an idiot and trash. But sure, go around insulting others and writing paragraphs defending your idiocy.

[Anonymous]

^^ pp ignore the troll. You’re not an idiot, and you’re not trash. Someone else has been hitting the bottle early trying to run from their own issues today, and is taking it out on anonymous internet posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Actually, that could be said. "Separated" is not divorced.

Not np. Please! Separated is a perfectly fine time to date other people, that it what happens in the real world, not in make believe I can control someone's emotion DCUM land. There is nothing wrong with dating a someone (man or woman) who is in the separation phase of a possible split.

To each his own. I wouldn't want to be someone's rebound.

Sigh. How many times must I say this? Unless you are and married a Virgin, everyone you date is someone’s rebound, eventually. It only stops when the commitment lasts. There are many rebound marriages and relationships, some successful, some not. The difference is when you learn from your past do it’s not your present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Calling someone an idiot. Ironic. Bet separated isn't "fine" for you anymore.

I know it probably went over your head but the point is I don’t believe he was ever really separated to begin with.

You think? But you knew he wasn't divorced...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Actually, that could be said. "Separated" is not divorced.

Not np. Please! Separated is a perfectly fine time to date other people, that it what happens in the real world, not in make believe I can control someone's emotion DCUM land. There is nothing wrong with dating a someone (man or woman) who is in the separation phase of a possible split.

To each his own. I wouldn't want to be someone's rebound.

Sigh. How many times must I say this? Unless you are and married a Virgin, everyone you date is someone’s rebound, eventually. It only stops when the commitment lasts. There are many rebound marriages and relationships, some successful, some not. The difference is when you learn from your past do it’s not your present.

Sigh. Dating a person who is separated and not yet divorces from a marriage is a rebound with very little chance of long-term success. It's not like you're casually dating someone who just broke up with a girlfriend of three months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ pp ignore the troll. You’re not an idiot, and you’re not trash. Someone else has been hitting the bottle early trying to run from their own issues today, and is taking it out on anonymous internet posters.

This is so true. S/he should seek therapy for the anger issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Actually, that could be said. "Separated" is not divorced.

Not np. Please! Separated is a perfectly fine time to date other people, that it what happens in the real world, not in make believe I can control someone's emotion DCUM land. There is nothing wrong with dating a someone (man or woman) who is in the separation phase of a possible split.

To each his own. I wouldn't want to be someone's rebound.

Ehh, I was only divorced myself for a few months before getting into it, so I wasn’t looking for a soul mate either. I suppose some kind of “see where it goes” gray area, but if it was a rebound (for either one of us), no big deal. But i wouldn’t have signed up to be a true side piece had I known.

Things are simply not as black and white as some posters insist they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Actually, that could be said. "Separated" is not divorced.

Not np. Please! Separated is a perfectly fine time to date other people, that it what happens in the real world, not in make believe I can control someone's emotion DCUM land. There is nothing wrong with dating a someone (man or woman) who is in the separation phase of a possible split.

To each his own. I wouldn't want to be someone's rebound.

Sigh. How many times must I say this? Unless you are and married a Virgin, everyone you date is someone’s rebound, eventually. It only stops when the commitment lasts. There are many rebound marriages and relationships, some successful, some not. The difference is when you learn from your past do it’s not your present.

Sigh. Dating a person who is separated and not yet divorces from a marriage is a rebound with very little chance of long-term success. It's not like you're casually dating someone who just broke up with a girlfriend of three months.

Sorry, but being separated doesn’t always mean newly separated, uncounseled, unhealed. You could get hurt dating an unmarried person who broke it off 3 weeks ago, and be safer with a legally separated person on their 2nd year of separation. Many people get ugly and no divorce process is cut and dry. So I hear your point - but these details matter. The larger point is both the unmarried and married/separated next relationship will be, by definition, a rebound. They’re unavoidable. So you have to know the other signs to look for. Saying, “no I won’t be the first one since the last one” isn’t a fireproof strategy, or immediate disqualification. I do think separations have stages (like grief) and you should only date once you’ve entered a certain stage of closure and self healing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was.

Calling someone an idiot. Ironic. Bet separated isn't "fine" for you anymore.

I know it probably went over your head but the point is I don’t believe he was ever really separated to begin with.

As a woman you were suppose to check that out in the beginning. He was MARRIED period, and I don't buy the excuse you thought he was separated. You could have easily gone right over to his house, not to mention look up the pending divorce. I'm not the one calling you a idiot, but you fail in morals 101. Plenty of men who aren't married, so hopefully a lesson learned for you and your self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well.

I admit OP's husband is no good. If possible she should probably divorce him, but I don't know what her situation is. I've known women close to retirement, they pretty much have to stay with the cheater. Sure they hope he slips on a banana peel.

I would tell the AP's husband maybe even before confronting her own. Or marching right over to their home, that's me though. I can support myself, and am comfortable so I would be happy to blow up AP's life, and stick it to my cheating husband as well.

My neighbor did this. The OW’s husband kicked her out, then my neighbor’s husband left my neighbor to be with his now-single girlfriend.

They’ve been together for five years, and seem to be happy. I see them when they come pick up his kids (she kept the house, and they do week on/week off custody). She seems happy now too—she went back to work and travels a lot.

Lol. What a pretty little picture except for all the kids whose lives were upended and are probably full of resentment and the families who hate each other.

Yep this would be one of my siblings. On the outside they look perfect. The kids are another matter, they won't be seeing any of their grand-kids a whole lot either.