Reply to Ugh ..AP is not a downgrade

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Reply to "Ugh ..AP is not a downgrade"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s so pathetic how everyone is jumping on the OW and not
OP’s husband. Maybe he told her they were separated or divorcing. We have no idea what her perception of his marital status was. HE is the cheater yet here you all go slamming the woman he may have duped and misled as well. [/quote]

Either he didn’t mislead her and she’s a whore, or he did and she’s dumb as a box of rocks and a whore.

Someone who can’t pull together enough facts over a period of time to realize they’re a side piece isn’t some wonderful catch either.[/quote]

You’re an idiot.

I dated a married guy. He told me they were separated by mutual decision and detailed a lot of their fights. Separated is fine by me. He slept at my house twice a week on average, and we hung out probably 4-5 nights per week total. We were out in public constantly, out with our co-workers and he would put his arm around me, etc. We attended each others’ holiday parties. Twice we went away together for the weekend, to a concert and another time to a big city just to get away. He always answered my calls or texts and wasn’t really ever on his phone around me (and if he was, didn’t hide it). I finally figured out that he must not really be separated or didn’t plan to actually move forward to divorce, and it’s now 5 years later and they’re still married. But you can’t honestly say that I’m an idiot for dating him, the way our relationship was. [/quote]
Actually, that could be said. "Separated" is not divorced. [/quote]

Not np.  Please!  Separated is a perfectly fine time to date other people, that it what happens in the real world, not in make believe I can control someone's emotion DCUM land.  There is nothing wrong with dating a someone (man or woman) who is in the separation phase of a possible split.  [/quote]

To each his own.  I wouldn't want to be someone's rebound.  [/quote]

Sigh. How many times must I say this? Unless you are and married a Virgin, everyone you date is someone’s rebound, eventually. It only stops when the commitment lasts. There are many rebound marriages and relationships, some successful, some not. The difference is when you learn from your past do it’s not your present.[/quote]

Sigh.  Dating a person who is separated and not yet divorces from a [u]marriage[/u] is a rebound with very little chance of long-term success.  It's not like you're casually dating someone who just broke up with a girlfriend of three months.  [/quote]

Sorry, but being separated doesn’t always mean newly separated, uncounseled, unhealed. You could get hurt dating an unmarried person who broke it off 3 weeks ago, and be safer with a legally separated person on their 2nd year of separation. Many people get ugly and no divorce process is cut and dry. So I hear your point - but these details matter. The larger point is both the unmarried and married/separated next relationship will be, by definition, a rebound. They’re unavoidable. So you have to know the other signs to look for. Saying, “no I won’t be the first one since the last one” isn’t a fireproof strategy, or immediate disqualification. I do think separations have stages (like grief) and you should only date once you’ve entered a certain stage of closure and self healing.[/quote]

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