11 year old Son wants to be a Girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go write a book, PP.

PP shared their experience which was generous and helpful. Your response sounds rude and dismissive. Was that your intention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age? Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age. The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases.

My concern would be that we know few doctors turn down the opportunity for increased business. That’s just how American medicine works. First and foremost, it’s a very competitive business with shareholders who demand maximum earnings. You can always easily find doctors to say yes, to whatever you want.
I mean look at the prescription opioid crisis. If one doc won’t give them to you, fire him and get another one. Of course endless options are for rich people, not the poors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age? Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age. The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases.

My concern would be that we know few doctors turn down the opportunity for increased business. That’s just how American medicine works. First and foremost, it’s a very competitive business with shareholders who demand maximum earnings. You can always easily find doctors to say yes, to whatever you want.
I mean look at the prescription opioid crisis. If one doc won’t give them to you, fire him and get another one. Of course endless options are for rich people, not the poors.

So now it’s a conspiracy for the medical community to turn as many people trans as possible for the money? Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age? Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age. The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases.

How much has this treatment and process cost you and what is covered by insurance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age? Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age. The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases.

How much has this treatment and process cost you and what is covered by insurance?

We have exceptional insurance. No deductible and our copay is $20/visit, and his medications run around $25/month. At first it was more expensive, because we had to do consultations with a lot of different specialists, but now we mostly do phone visits with his psychiatrist to manage meds, so no copay, monthly therapy appointments, and I think we get to switch from quarterly endo appointments to semiannual checkups after the next visit. Labs are free. Some months are expensive when we have several appointments scheduled close together, but I’d say most months are under $50. Eventually, he’ll have top surgery (complete breast reduction) and that copay will be $100. I’m sure it has cost us thousands because it’s been a years long process, but he was already seeing a therapist and psychiatrist to deal with anxiety and depression, so that part hasn’t actually cost extra (it’s less now that we can do som appointments by phone). He sees a dermatologist more often because testosterone makes acne flare up. He’s going to start seeing a speech therapist who specializes in trans patients to help him speak more like a man, and that will be $20/visit as well.

The most expensive part of the whole process was replacing his wardrobe. We just got the staples at first, a few tees and hoodies, a few jeans, socks, underwear, binders and some shoes. Then we added in more pieces as he figured out what styles he preferred and we could get things on sale. For toiletries, we mostly had him change to more masculine scents/styles/packaging as he ran out of what we had on hand, except deodorant.

The cost alone is one reason I get irritated when people act like it’s a whim. It’s not like you can wake up and decide to be the opposite gender and everything you need magically transitions too. It takes a lot of time and money to transition. It’s far more expensive and time consuming for MTF transitions. I don’t know anyone who has the time and money to put into fully transitioning when they’re not sure it’s the right thing for them. Maybe some kids just declare themselves trans and don’t fully present as the opposite gender, but it’s a complicated, costly process to fully transition. We’re fortunate to be able to afford everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age? Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age. The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases.

How much has this treatment and process cost you and what is covered by insurance?

We have exceptional insurance. No deductible and our copay is $20/visit, and his medications run around $25/month. At first it was more expensive, because we had to do consultations with a lot of different specialists, but now we mostly do phone visits with his psychiatrist to manage meds, so no copay, monthly therapy appointments, and I think we get to switch from quarterly endo appointments to semiannual checkups after the next visit. Labs are free. Some months are expensive when we have several appointments scheduled close together, but I’d say most months are under $50. Eventually, he’ll have top surgery (complete breast reduction) and that copay will be $100. I’m sure it has cost us thousands because it’s been a years long process, but he was already seeing a therapist and psychiatrist to deal with anxiety and depression, so that part hasn’t actually cost extra (it’s less now that we can do som appointments by phone). He sees a dermatologist more often because testosterone makes acne flare up. He’s going to start seeing a speech therapist who specializes in trans patients to help him speak more like a man, and that will be $20/visit as well.

The most expensive part of the whole process was replacing his wardrobe. We just got the staples at first, a few tees and hoodies, a few jeans, socks, underwear, binders and some shoes. Then we added in more pieces as he figured out what styles he preferred and we could get things on sale. For toiletries, we mostly had him change to more masculine scents/styles/packaging as he ran out of what we had on hand, except deodorant.

The cost alone is one reason I get irritated when people act like it’s a whim. It’s not like you can wake up and decide to be the opposite gender and everything you need magically transitions too. It takes a lot of time and money to transition. It’s far more expensive and time consuming for MTF transitions. I don’t know anyone who has the time and money to put into fully transitioning when they’re not sure it’s the right thing for them. Maybe some kids just declare themselves trans and don’t fully present as the opposite gender, but it’s a complicated, costly process to fully transition. We’re fortunate to be able to afford everything.

I'll say that you and he are extremely fortunate from a financial standpoint. We are self insured with a high deductible plan which basically means we pay for all medical care out of pocket. I would venture to say this process would cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars. Simply having a child with food allergies alone costs us many thousand dollars per year. I can only imagine that the transition process might be unattainable financially for most Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age? Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age. The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases.

My concern would be that we know few doctors turn down the opportunity for increased business. That’s just how American medicine works. First and foremost, it’s a very competitive business with shareholders who demand maximum earnings. You can always easily find doctors to say yes, to whatever you want.
I mean look at the prescription opioid crisis. If one doc won’t give them to you, fire him and get another one. Of course endless options are for rich people, not the poors.

So now it’s a conspiracy for the medical community to turn as many people trans as possible for the money? Ok.

Um, who turns down business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age? Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age. The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases.

My concern would be that we know few doctors turn down the opportunity for increased business. That’s just how American medicine works. First and foremost, it’s a very competitive business with shareholders who demand maximum earnings. You can always easily find doctors to say yes, to whatever you want.
I mean look at the prescription opioid crisis. If one doc won’t give them to you, fire him and get another one. Of course endless options are for rich people, not the poors.

So now it’s a conspiracy for the medical community to turn as many people trans as possible for the money? Ok.

Um, who turns down business?

Doctors who have to take an oath to do no harm? I mean come on, if someone without cancer showed up to an oncologist wanting chemo, you think the oncologist would do it???

OP, there are a number of experts on this issue these days. Do your research and find a well-respected specialist in this area and a parent support group for you. Educate yourself about what to look for in determining whether your child is transgender or is just gender non-conforming. The answer isn't always going to be "go on meds now"! Find professionals/established, open-minded support networks (not like a conversion therapy group or some shit) to help you make the choices that are right for your child.

[Anonymous]

I will say that with my child and her friends there was a whole bunch of this in 6th and 7th grade. It was like every single one of them way either gay or trans or some combination thereof. This happened in such numbers that I was sure the CDC would show up to study this statistical impossibility. Fast forward to Junior year, turns out that a couple are gay and the rest are just heteronormative, cis kids. So a little caution, a little therapy are most certainly in order. I think it is hard for kids when they feel like they have to "choose" what they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say that with my child and her friends there was a whole bunch of this in 6th and 7th grade. It was like every single one of them way either gay or trans or some combination thereof. This happened in such numbers that I was sure the CDC would show up to study this statistical impossibility. Fast forward to Junior year, turns out that a couple are gay and the rest are just heteronormative, cis kids. So a little caution, a little therapy are most certainly in order. I think it is hard for kids when they feel like they have to "choose" what they are.

That's because it's not a choice. You are what you are.

I cannot believe so many of you are saying that you would go along with this. I have a just-turned-12 YO boy and there is no way I would support this. Be a parent, OP. You're not there to validate every whim or feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say that with my child and her friends there was a whole bunch of this in 6th and 7th grade. It was like every single one of them way either gay or trans or some combination thereof. This happened in such numbers that I was sure the CDC would show up to study this statistical impossibility. Fast forward to Junior year, turns out that a couple are gay and the rest are just heteronormative, cis kids. So a little caution, a little therapy are most certainly in order. I think it is hard for kids when they feel like they have to "choose" what they are.

That's because it's not a choice. You are what you are.

I cannot believe so many of you are saying that you would go along with this. I have a just-turned-12 YO boy and there is no way I would support this. Be a parent, OP. You're not there to validate every whim or feeling.

So what you’re saying is that there’s only male and female, being transgender isn’t real, and it shouldn’t be allowed. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say that with my child and her friends there was a whole bunch of this in 6th and 7th grade. It was like every single one of them way either gay or trans or some combination thereof. This happened in such numbers that I was sure the CDC would show up to study this statistical impossibility. Fast forward to Junior year, turns out that a couple are gay and the rest are just heteronormative, cis kids. So a little caution, a little therapy are most certainly in order. I think it is hard for kids when they feel like they have to "choose" what they are.

That's because it's not a choice. You are what you are.

I cannot believe so many of you are saying that you would go along with this. I have a just-turned-12 YO boy and there is no way I would support this. Be a parent, OP. You're not there to validate every whim or feeling.

So what you’re saying is that there’s only male and female, being transgender isn’t real, and it shouldn’t be allowed. Got it.

That pretty much sums it up, yes. Especially in kids this age.

[Anonymous]

Lots of pressure at school.

[Anonymous]

I was just reading elsewhere that delaying puberty (using hormone blockers) causes low peak bone mass in transsexuals.

[Anonymous]

So what has changed in our society and schools such that
there are so many transsexuals or gender confused young people?

I grew up in Bowie, Frederick and Salisbury and went to
schools all over Maryland during the late 1960s and 1970s.
I can honestly say in my school experience in Bowie at age
10-11 girls were girls and boys were boys. All the way
through middle school and high school I think we had 1 gay
male post high school in our graduating class of 300 from
the eastern shore.

The 70's were not that long ago. What has changed that
we have boys wanting to be girls at age 10 and girls
wanting to be boys such that there parents are dragging
them around to medical appointments.

I guess I'm confused.