Reply to 11 year old Son wants to be a Girl

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.[/quote]

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you?  What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting?  You are okay with that?[/quote]

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them. [/quote]

I don't disagree with this, but do you have no concern about irreversible actions at such a young age?  Lots of people experiment with lots of identities at that age and then change as they age.  The Atlantic had a very long, balanced look at the issue a year or two back.[/quote]

How long do you feel like a parent should tolerate a different gender identity than their biological gender before moving on to acceptance and allowing medical intervention? What makes you think the first step for parents who accept who their children say they are is running out to get their kids pumped full of hormones or surgery? You know that’s not how it works, right? The first step is therapy, then meeting with different doctors/medical professionals to determine if your child is a candidate for hormone therapy. That’s after (at least for us) meeting with his pediatrician for a referral and some guidance, because we didn’t even know where to start with treatment, what kind of doctors or specialists to see. Before we started any hormonal treatment, my kid had been in therapy with a trans specialist for teens for a year, met with a psychiatrist, pediatric endocrinologist, gynecologist (who specializes in trans men), a social worker, a pediatrician who specializes in trans teens as well as his regular pediatrician, and at least 1-2 other specialists. Every one of them did their own screening as well as reviewing his files and the screening from his therapist to make sure they were sure he was trans and that we knew the risks involved with any treatment he received. We had to sign waivers before starting any new treatment. He had a hormone blocker for months before starting replacement hormones to make sure he felt like the changes were right for him. In addition to all the steps we had to take and hoops we had to jump through, there were wait times to see all the specialists. Nothing about this process was quick. It’s not like a kid wakes up one day, declares themself trans, and the parents take them out for hormone patches that afternoon while planning a coming out party that evening. There are so many layers.

Of course I worry. I worry any time my kid has a medical issue. I worry about treatment. I worry about not treating him. I worry about the mean girls picking on him before he transitioned and he was an unpopular, unstylish, outcast of a girl. I worried about how my child didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Now at least I don’t have to worry about his emotional health nearly as much. He’s far happier and it just feels like he is who he’s supposed to be. Of course, around age 2, even my transphobic mom would joke that he probably should’ve been born a boy. I’ll probably never convince you, and I’m guessing the only way you’ll change your perspective is if someone close to you transitions and you can see for yourself how the process works. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do, even if it slightly increases risks for some diseases. [/quote]

How much has this treatment and process cost you and what is covered by insurance?[/quote]

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