11 year old Son wants to be a Girl

[Anonymous]

For starters, I'm fine with Transgender. If that's what my child wants, fine. I will love and support, regardless of label.

I am just wrestling with if this is *really* what my child wants, or if it's a fad. Is there any way to sense which way the wind is blowing?
At the beginning of summer, the child announced he wanted to be a she. The family have been using a new name and pronoun all summer, and my child seems happy with this. Our message all summer has been "we love YOU" regardless of label.

As we head into 6th grade, I just wonder at what point this passes a "fad" stage, and really becomes a part of identity. It just seems so young to wrestle with such a big issue, the child hasn't even hit puberty yet. Could it be embarrassment from the changes the body is going through?

Would appreciate NON-JUDGEMENTAL advice, I am looking to support my child, not change them.

[Anonymous]

OP Here: "fad" may not be the right word. Trend, perhaps?
I know this isn't something the child isnt doing to impress other people/fit in/etc.

It is an expression of their own identity, but it's new from what I've seen before. That's what I meant by "fad"

[Anonymous]

This is an 11 year old not a 3 year old. They want to be a girl. Accept it and stop second guessing. It’s not a fad or a trend...11 year old boys don’t go around declaring they want to be girls unless they are serious.

[Anonymous]

Maybe see a family therapist for education about how to best support your child during this time?

[Anonymous]

Take a deep dive into the effects of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones on youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a deep dive into the effects of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones on youth.

Take a deep dive into how not accepting and causing trans people to repress themselves leads to anxiety, depression, and suicide.

OP, start with a therapist who specializes in trans teens. They’ll help you navigate this. If you need help getting started, contact your local chapter of PFLAG for resources and support.

There are a lot of transphobic people on DCUM who will accuse you of abuse if you support your trans child instead of crushing her into conformity. This isn’t the best place to come for advice and support for trans issues. There are some well meaning allies who will basically send thoughts and prayers but can’t offer much practical support, and there are a couple of parents with trans kids, but I don’t think we’re all local so it can be difficult to get recommendations for local therapists and medical professionals.

If she’s trans, forcing her to go through male puberty seems cruel. If she wants to transition and present as female, she’ll have a more feminine appearance if treatment begins sooner.

Good luck. Thank you for supporting your child.

Genderspectrum.org is a good resource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe see a family therapist for education about how to best support your child during this time?

This. My son goes to therapy and his therapist is a great resource for ME. Parenting advice and more. It’s great to have a 3rd party, neutral expert who can help you navigate different challenges. There are therapists who work with transgender kids and who’d know more.

Help you and your child navigate the emotional journey through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe see a family therapist for education about how to best support your child during this time?

Right. Do this. Much better than anonymous advice from an internet message board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe see a family therapist for education about how to best support your child during this time?

Definitely do this. As a parent of an almost-11 year old boy and someone who used to teach this age group, I would say it’s extremely unlikely your child would speak up about something like this unless he’s serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe see a family therapist for education about how to best support your child during this time?

This. My son goes to therapy and his therapist is a great resource for ME. Parenting advice and more. It’s great to have a 3rd party, neutral expert who can help you navigate different challenges. There are therapists who work with transgender kids and who’d know more.

Help you and your child navigate the emotional journey through this.

Also check his online activity (including gaming platforms) to make sure he is not being preyed upon and groomed by predators.

This happened to a teen family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an 11 year old not a 3 year old. They want to be a girl. Accept it and stop second guessing. It’s not a fad or a trend...11 year old boys don’t go around declaring they want to be girls unless they are serious.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a deep dive into the effects of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones on youth.

DP. I thought puberty blockers weren't known to have adverse side effects.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

Then you’re not actually supportive of her. Your kid knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?