11 year old Son wants to be a Girl

[Anonymous]

I think there is a difference between I think I am a girl and I want to be a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Denying your biology isn’t a “condition” that needs medical treatment. You are telling them that day is night and black is white. Allowing them to be whatever kind of person they want to be is a different issue. If they don’t feel comfortable with the stereotypical trappings of their chromosomal identity, then don’t do them. By allowing an adolescent to chemically alter and eventually surgically mutilate themselves, you are not being supportive, you are buying into the societal norm that there is a right way or wrong way to be a male or female and because they don’t want to do those this, they therefore are not male or female. Let them know that however they want to experience life is valid - who they want to love, what they want to wear, what kind of career they can do, etc. They want to go by a new name, fine. Shopping in the “wrong” clothing section? All for it.

So this kid is not feeling aligned with what society expects of them. This is just about every teenager ever. I am the parent of an 11 year old and was a teacher’s aide for years in this age range and there is no way this age group has the presence of mind to make a permanent and informed decision about chemical castration. Would you let them buy a gun, join the military, or heck even drive a car yet? Who is the parent here?

Wise words.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

What is even more cruel is to enable a course of action that makes him infertile for life.

And probably depressive, and more suicidal than otherwise.

But yeah, you'd be the coolest dad ever.

DP. Are you basing your "probably depressive, and more suicidal than otherwise" on studies you've read? Or are you just pulling out of your a**? Asking for a friend.

You acknowledge lifelong infertility -- that's a start.

Yes, that data on depression and suicides is easily available in quality studies.

Actually, the depression and suicide rates are higher in transgender teens who aren't supported by their families or who are bullied by those who don't approve of them, than among transgender teens with supportive families and who aren't bullied. As far as infertility, I'd rather my child be happy and well adjusted as a transgender person than depressed and suicidal (but fertile) because I am unsupportive. There are methods of preserving sperm and eggs, depending on the age of transition. Adoption is also an option if egg and sperm preservation isn't. I know many people with wonderful families that include adoptive children. I care more about my child being happy and alive, than whether my child has biological children.

Actually, you have no idea what you are talking about.

When you compare apples to apples, surgery tends to make things worse, not better.

Now, you might well have seen some study that says the opposite because they use subjective criteria like the one you just mentioned ("supportive" family, "bullying" around) in order to fudge the data according to bias -- that's very common in the social "sciences", especially in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: "fad" may not be the right word. Trend, perhaps?
I know this isn't something the child isnt doing to impress other people/fit in/etc.

It is an expression of their own identity, but it's new from what I've seen before. That's what I meant by "fad"

DP I honestly don't know what I would do but, I can't imagine it is a fad or trend. Most boys want to stay boys. I've seen more girl transitioning to boys or "them" category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

What is even more cruel is to enable a course of action that makes him infertile for life.

And probably depressive, and more suicidal than otherwise.

But yeah, you'd be the coolest dad ever.

DP. Are you basing your "probably depressive, and more suicidal than otherwise" on studies you've read? Or are you just pulling out of your a**? Asking for a friend.

You acknowledge lifelong infertility -- that's a start.

Yes, that data on depression and suicides is easily available in quality studies.

Actually, the depression and suicide rates are higher in transgender teens who aren't supported by their families or who are bullied by those who don't approve of them, than among transgender teens with supportive families and who aren't bullied. As far as infertility, I'd rather my child be happy and well adjusted as a transgender person than depressed and suicidal (but fertile) because I am unsupportive. There are methods of preserving sperm and eggs, depending on the age of transition. Adoption is also an option if egg and sperm preservation isn't. I know many people with wonderful families that include adoptive children. I care more about my child being happy and alive, than whether my child has biological children.

Actually, you have no idea what you are talking about.

When you compare apples to apples, surgery tends to make things worse, not better.

Now, you might well have seen some study that says the opposite because they use subjective criteria like the one you just mentioned ("supportive" family, "bullying" around) in order to fudge the data according to bias -- that's very common in the social "sciences", especially in the US.

What are you talking about? No one even mentioned surgery until you brought it up in this post. If you think you have to have surgery to be transgender, that’s just another example of your ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between I think I am a girl and I want to be a girl.

There also a difference between I think I am a viking and I want to be a viking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between I think I am a girl and I want to be a girl.

There also a difference between I think I am a viking and I want to be a viking.

There is also a difference between I think I am a troll and I want to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Like I said earlier, there are a lot of transphobic posters here. Some of them seem to think it’s not possible to be transgender, and that it’s strictly mental illness. They try to use science to back their views up, and it can get confusing if you’re just learning about the topic. I really have to wonder if these are the same people who think both sides of the climate change debate are well supported by science even though climate change deniers (even the scientists) are outliers. We need better science education in our country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like I said earlier, there are a lot of transphobic posters here. Some of them seem to think it’s not possible to be transgender, and that it’s strictly mental illness. They try to use science to back their views up, and it can get confusing if you’re just learning about the topic. I really have to wonder if these are the same people who think both sides of the climate change debate are well supported by science even though climate change deniers (even the scientists) are outliers. We need better science education in our country.

Hmm....

I don't like it when people start accusing others of transphobic and claim the mantle of science at the same time. There's a lot of murkiness surrounding transgender "science" and much of it is now heavily politicized so it's difficult to see where the politics stops and the science begins. If I'm going to trust anyone on the subject, here are two well-regarded Johns Hopkins scientists and researchers and their report on the topic: "The hypothesis that gender identity is an innate, fixed property of human beings that is independent of biological sex — that a person might be “a man trapped in a woman’s body” or “a woman trapped in a man’s body” — is not supported by scientific evidence."

https://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/executive-summary-sexuality-and-gender

Referring to an earlier post, researchers at Hopkins also found that the suicide rate among transgenders who had gone through the sex-change process was no different than before going through the sex-change process.

When I see your post saying "we need better science education in our country," what you're really saying is "we need to find the "science" to fit my political and culturally driven conclusions."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son that when he is 18, he can be or do whatever he wants, and you will support it then, but at 11, not happening under my roof.

So you would not allow a 16 or 17 year old who has said for years she is trans to essentially suppress and hide it from you? What good will that do except to show her your love is conditional and not openly giving and accepting? You are okay with that?

I think people like this are either pretending to be supportive or ignorant of what being trans is like.

Before I knew DS was trans, I assumed I’d be supportive but not necessarily allow medical procedures until adulthood. I’m bi, but I was fairly ignorant of the trans community and trans people’s needs. It turns out, it’s virtually impossible to be supportive and not allow hormones and other medical interventions. I mean, you can say you love and support, but it’s the equivalent of thoughts and prayers after a shooting. The actual support is in actions, and that includes helping your child’s outside match their inside. Telling a boy he can present as female while forcing him to go through puberty and become more masculine, irreversibly masculine, is cruel beyond words. Life is already hard enough for teens, more so for trans teens with supportive families. It’s torturous for trans kids who feel alone and unsupported.

It would be like saying you support your child being a musician but not allowing them to have an instrument or music lessons, and in some cases limiting their exposure to music because you’re afraid it will corrupt them.

What is even more cruel is to enable a course of action that makes him infertile for life.

And probably depressive, and more suicidal than otherwise.

But yeah, you'd be the coolest dad ever.

DP. Are you basing your "probably depressive, and more suicidal than otherwise" on studies you've read? Or are you just pulling out of your a**? Asking for a friend.

You acknowledge lifelong infertility -- that's a start.

Yes, that data on depression and suicides is easily available in quality studies.

Actually, the depression and suicide rates are higher in transgender teens who aren't supported by their families or who are bullied by those who don't approve of them, than among transgender teens with supportive families and who aren't bullied. As far as infertility, I'd rather my child be happy and well adjusted as a transgender person than depressed and suicidal (but fertile) because I am unsupportive. There are methods of preserving sperm and eggs, depending on the age of transition. Adoption is also an option if egg and sperm preservation isn't. I know many people with wonderful families that include adoptive children. I care more about my child being happy and alive, than whether my child has biological children.

Actually, you have no idea what you are talking about.

When you compare apples to apples, surgery tends to make things worse, not better.

Now, you might well have seen some study that says the opposite because they use subjective criteria like the one you just mentioned ("supportive" family, "bullying" around) in order to fudge the data according to bias -- that's very common in the social "sciences", especially in the US.

What are you talking about? No one even mentioned surgery until you brought it up in this post. If you think you have to have surgery to be transgender, that’s just another example of your ignorance.

This poster goes on this rant on literally every single thread dealing with trans kids. Clearly they had a negative personal experience and are now using that as some basis for fact, which it's not.

PP...go to a support group or to some therapy. Take your anger and misinformation away from here.

[Anonymous]

Suicide is the second leading cause of death among the 10-24 age group.

In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt.

LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/#sm.0017bqcnq6goe3l10fd147tfbnp3k

Acceptance is vital. It’s not just the fact that they’re trans that makes kids high risk for suicide. Rejection from family members increases that risk so much. These comments about how being trans isn’t real or how they can be trans when they’re adult but not under my roof aren’t helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like I said earlier, there are a lot of transphobic posters here. Some of them seem to think it’s not possible to be transgender, and that it’s strictly mental illness. They try to use science to back their views up, and it can get confusing if you’re just learning about the topic. I really have to wonder if these are the same people who think both sides of the climate change debate are well supported by science even though climate change deniers (even the scientists) are outliers. We need better science education in our country.

Hmm....

I don't like it when people start accusing others of transphobic and claim the mantle of science at the same time. There's a lot of murkiness surrounding transgender "science" and much of it is now heavily politicized so it's difficult to see where the politics stops and the science begins. If I'm going to trust anyone on the subject, here are two well-regarded Johns Hopkins scientists and researchers and their report on the topic: "The hypothesis that gender identity is an innate, fixed property of human beings that is independent of biological sex — that a person might be “a man trapped in a woman’s body” or “a woman trapped in a man’s body” — is not supported by scientific evidence."

https://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/executive-summary-sexuality-and-gender

Referring to an earlier post, researchers at Hopkins also found that the suicide rate among transgenders who had gone through the sex-change process was no different than before going through the sex-change process.

When I see your post saying "we need better science education in our country," what you're really saying is "we need to find the "science" to fit my political and culturally driven conclusions."

+1.

There's a lot of anti-science going on in this thread

[Anonymous]

It’s a fad. Unpopular opinion. I don’t care. All of a sudden in the past year we have all these transgenders coming out of the woodwork in high school. I don’t believe half of them are serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a fad. Unpopular opinion. I don’t care. All of a sudden in the past year we have all these transgenders coming out of the woodwork in high school. I don’t believe half of them are serious.

Or perhaps they're "coming out of the woodwork" because young people are now seeing that there may be options besides being forced into boxes they don't fit into. The feelings behind this "fad" have always been there, it was just that there wasn't a name or an outlet for them.

Most teenagers in past decades wouldn't have even had the language to express what they were feeling, even if they had dared to try to tell someone. It's at least become more a part of the vernacular now, even if it's not widely understood or accepted yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a fad. Unpopular opinion. I don’t care. All of a sudden in the past year we have all these transgenders coming out of the woodwork in high school. I don’t believe half of them are serious.

Someone must be in the water of American cities.